Dancing in the Dark
by Smarley
Summary: Sam and Dean have always been able to overcome any obstacle in their way, but what if a different horror plaugued their lives, one that Sam had to fight, and Dean could only watch. Warning Sensitive health subjects Limp!Sam Protective!Dean
1. Chapter 1

**AN New story, hope you like it, I'm going to try and keep it as accurate as possible, if anyone has questions about the story feel free to ask.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, only the story**

**ENJOY**

He knew there was something wrong, he had felt it in his body, in the way he couldn't eat as much as he wanted to, in how he was losing weight, in the constant cough that was plaguing him, making it hard for him to breathe.

But he ignored it, like most Winchesters do when faced with an ailment; it is ignored, until it can't be ignored any longer. And that was the point he was at now, he couldn't ignore the pain he felt in his stomach, he couldn't ignore that he couldn't breathe when he was laying down, he couldn't ignore the night sweats and fever. And the big reason he couldn't ignore it, was because the doctors had finally found it.

He had just been brought to the hospital with his dad and Dean, they were the ones that needed help, not him, he had a few minor cuts and bruises, nothing like his dad and brother. Hell he had shot his dad in the leg, and Dean, well dean wasn't doing so good, but like always he would pull through. But him, he was fine wasn't he? He just had a cold, a pesky cold.

That, however, was not the news the Doctor had, they had found something, something that would change the lives of the Winchester family, all because of one innocent chest x ray.

The young hunter looked up as he heard the doctor come into the room, "So can I go?" he asked knowing through the doctors body language that the answer was no.

"Mr. Winchester, we have to discuss your chest x ray" The doctor started as he pulled a chair up to Sam's bed. "There is a large mass in your chest, a mass of this size, and the location of it, indicates lymphoma disease, either Hodgkin's disease or Non- Hodgkin's disease."

Sam looked at the doctor, not understanding, too many thoughts going through his head, none of them coming together. "What?" he asked quietly, not sure if he wanted to know the answer.

The doctor noticed the hesitation and the fear that was written all over the young mans face, he had seen it many times, and no matter how strong a person tried to be, they couldn't help but fear what they couldn't fix. "You have cancer Mr. Winchester, we can't tell which one as of yet, but rest assured that both Hodgkin's and Non- Hodgkin's lymphoma are both curable cancers, with treatment"

"What kind of treatment?" Sam asked still trying to understand what was going on, wanting nothing more than for Dean to be there, to try and help him understand.

During the past 6 months that Sam had spent with Dean on the road he had once again developed a sort of dependence on his older brother and he was missing Deans presence in the hospital room.

"Well Mr. Winchester I am going to admit you to the hospital so we can start doing some tests to figure out what kind of cancer you have, and how far along it is, and once we have determined that then we can start to discuss treatment options, the most likely option is chemotherapy."

Sam shook his head, "I can't I'm sorry Doctor but I need to take care of Dean, he's the one who is hurt, I can't be admitted, this can wait." Sam said as he started to move off of his bed.

The doctor put a hand on Sam's chest, forcing the young hunter to stay where he was, "Sam," he said quietly, looking the young hunter in the eyes, "If you don't get this treated right away you will die, if the cancer doesn't kill you, then a heart attack will, and because your mass is so big, and it is putting a lot of strain on your heart, that heart attack could happen any day now."

Sam looked away from the doctor, fear consuming him, no illness had ever gotten into the family like this before, he didn't know what to do, "I...I…" he tried to finish as a sob escaped his lips, and tears fell from his eyes.

"I can help you Sam, you just have to let me" the doctor said quietly. His only response from the young man was a small nod. "Okay I'll go and put you in for a room on the oncology floor." He said as he turned to leave, watching the young man who tried to hide his tears. "A nurse will be in, in a few minuets to start an IV" he said as he walked out, closing the door behind him.

Sam took a deep breath in as he wiped the tears from his face, he had to be strong for Dean, he couldn't let him know yet, not with the state that he was in, it wouldn't be fair to him Sam concluded as he took a deep breath. As much as he wanted his brother's comfort he knew this was something he was going to face on his own until Dean was back to his old self.

He looked up at the nurse as she walked in with her IV tray; Sam tried to smile at her but knew it looked strained as the nurse started to prep the IV area.

'Here goes nothing' Sam though as he tried to prepare himself for what he was going to face. But nothing could have prepared him for the experience, and he was going to learn soon, that he couldn't do it alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: here we go, a borrowed a concept from tonight's episode for this chapter, of course it is going to be different. Also I forgot to mention this story is an AU because it won't follow the show. **

**Disclaimer: See ch. 1**

**ENJOY**

The hospital was quiet; the halls empty as the night rush of people had ended. It was as if as the sun rose in the early morning, peace and tranquility followed with it, giving everyone a chance, even if it was only for a few minuets, to breathe in the fresh air of a new day, everyone but Sam.

No he didn't greet the day like a new beginning or a fresh start, how could he? He was rotting from the inside out, the disease eating away at his insides, taking control of his body, of his life, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and pretend it was all a dream, that they had confused his x-ray with someone else's. But as the time ticked away it became harder and harder to accept that dream as a reality.

His left arm began shaking as the familiar tingling sensation began, the tingling quickly turned into burning as another does of steroids ran through his IV and up his left arm. His quick intake of air alerted the nurse to his pain, causing her to jump into action, sending a barrage of questions at the young hunter.

Sam didn't hear the questions, his mind still not registering that it was him in the hospital bed. He managed to whisper "My arm burns" through clenched teeth.

The nurse gave a sigh of relief as she diluted the steroids, glad that it wasn't something much more serious.

The burning began to fade, and Sam relaxed, he hated waiting, but in a hospital that's all one ever really seemed to do, and he knew he had a lot of waiting that he was in store for, for the rest of the day. He was scheduled for so many tests that he couldn't keep track as to what one was next, or how many he really did have. All he knew was that he was waiting in the hallway outside of the CT room, waiting for his turn for a CAT scan, and that he had a surgery planned for the afternoon, where he was going to be having various procedures, ranging from liquid being drained from his right lung, to having bone marrow aspirations done to his hips. He wasn't looking forward to the surgery, not only because he was going to be awake for the whole thing, but also because this would be the first medical procedure he was going to go through without Dean waiting for him in the recovery room, and that scared him.

The thought of Dean caused Sam to stir from his silence, "When do I get to see Dean?" he asked the nurse.

"Soon" was the only reply he got, causing his blood to boil, he wanted to see his brother, now, "No. I want to see Dean now" he called back, the emotional stress of the night before showing on the fatigued hunter.

The nurse replied calmly, knowing not to upset the young man anymore, "How about right before surgery, so you can get all the tests out of the way" she suggested sweetly.

Sam just nodded, defeat written across his features, 'how can I be defeated already?' he thought to himself. 'It hasn't even been 24 hours since I found out yet. How can some disease destroy who I am already?' he questioned shaking his head, upset at how pathetic he was. 'Its cause Deans not here' his subconscious screamed at him, but he pushed it back, Dean had his own problems to deal with.

"Its your turn Sam" the nurse broke through his thoughts, helping him sit up and move into the CT room, laying him down on the metal slab that had been draped with a sheet and had a pillow on it.

He laid back and looked up at the grey ceiling, the whole room was grey and sterile, ' I hate the colour grey' he thought to himself as he turned his attention to the nurse who was attaching his IV to another machine in the room.

The nurse looked down to the lifeless brown eyes; she smiled at the young man trying to offer reassurance to him. "Don't worry, we will tell you what you have to do, just lay still. You may feel very warm as the contrast is started, don't worry that feeling will go away. If you have any questions just ask, we can hear you in the other room." She finished smiling again, patting his shoulder as she walked out of the room.

The young hunter gave no response; he just turned his head and continued to look at the grey ceiling as the machine started up. The metal slab began to move, bringing him through the almost donut hole shape of the CT machine. The warm sensation began to course through Sam's body, causing sweat to brim on his forehead as the machine started to give instructions.

"Deep Breath in"

The young Winchester did as he was told

"Hold It"

The machine began to spin as he was sent through again.

"Release"

Sam hesitated, he didn't want to release his breath, he wanted to keep holding it in, to keep it there until his face turned purple and there was no breath left in him to give.

SIX HOURS LATER

It had been a long day and Sam was exhausted from the constant tests, and the endless meetings with various doctors, who were going to be at the surgery in the next hour or so.

Now he was all showered up, with some help from a nurse, a not so attractive nurse, but that wasn't what he was going to tell Dean, whom he was going to see.

The athletic hunter walked slowly, not used to dragging an IV pole around with him, his body weak and sore from the stress of the past 18 hours. And yet as he reached Deans room that all disappeared, instead his nerves started to take control of his body, his hand shaking over the door handle. He knew what to expect, the Doctor had explained it to him, that Dean, who was in stable condition now, was in a coma from the severity of his injuries, but that he had pulled through the worst of it the night before.

Sam took a deep breath as he walked into the room, a wave of guilt washed over him as he looked at his older brother laying there, helpless on the bed. He hadn't been there for his brother the night before when he needed it the most, he could have lost Dean and he wouldn't have been there.

Tears fell from Sam's eyes, he quickly wiped them away as he sat in a chair beside his brother's bed, grabbing the lifeless hand that lay at Deans side, holding it tight, never wanting to let go.

He tried to find the words to say to his sleeping brother, but every time he tried to talk his voice couldn't be found. He lowered his head, squeezing the lifeless hand tighter, finally finding his voice.

"Hey Dean" he choked out looking back up.

"Its me, Sam, I just wanted to see how you were doing." He continued looking for any sort of response.

"You know, I've had the weirdest day, but it wasn't without its perks. "Sam smiled, thinking back to his embarrassing shower. "I had the hottest nurse help me shower today, sponge bath and everything, but, you know, don't get to jealous, I've seen some older ladies looking after you, maybe they keep all the good looking nurses with the attractive brother" Sam laughed at his lie, hoping to get some sort of rise from his brother, but only to be met with his sleeping form.

His voice choked up again as he squeezed his brothers hand once more, "I need you to get better Dean." He begged, "I need you Dean, and you can't get out of this family so easily" he smiled once more as the tears started to fall down his cheeks. He didn't bother wiping them away, even as the door opened and his nurse came to take him to surgery. "I'll be back Dean" he said as he was led out the door.

Ooooooooo00000000000oooooooooo

Dean watched Sam leave the room, instantly getting up and following his brother and the nurse. "Surgery" he muttered to himself, not believing the words as they played over in his head. "What the hell is going on little brother" he said as he continued to follow.

The older hunter had watched Sam interact with his body in his room, he wasn't sure why he was having an out of body experience, but at this point it was the furthest thing from his mind, he had to figure out what was going on with Sam.

He had been startled by Sam's appearance when he first walked into the room, his face was pale, tired and withdrawn, and his young body appeared weak and fragile as he took small steps. He had tried to call out to him, wanting to know what was wrong, to see if he was okay, but his cries fell on deaf ears.

And now with the mention of surgery… Dean mind was reeling at what could be wrong with his little brother, he wanted to wake up, he needed to be there for Sammy, but he didn't know how to do it. So following him around was going to have to do for now, he had no plans on leaving Sammy's side.

He walked behind the pair, muttering to himself when he suddenly heard Sam's weak voice.

"When is he going to wake up?"

"Soon Sammy, I'm waking up soon!" Dean yelled out, hoping Sam could hear his cries.

"There's no way to tell, I would give it time Sam." The nurse replied, trying to offer comfort in a situation that held so little.

"What?!" the older hunter yelled at the nurse, "Don't you listen to her Sam, I'm gonna be awake before you know it."

Sam just nodded as he entered into the surgery room; he acknowledged all of the doctors he had met throughout the day as he was guided to the table in the middle of the room.

Dean watched as his younger brother lay down, fear evident in his eyes as he tried to scan the room and all the people in it. Dean tried to get as close as he could, but there were too many people around the table, talking to his younger brother, explaining what they were doing. "Hang in there Sammy" he said quietly watching in horror as the various instruments were being brought out for the procedures.

Dean never took his eyes off of Sam, he watched his brother and unconsciously offered words of encouragement to him, wanting to offer his brother any sort of comfort he could.

It had been a little over an hour since everything had started in the surgery room and Dean sighed in relief as he heard the doctors announce that they were starting the last procedure. He watched as his little brothers eyes fluttered open, he tried to crouch down so he could be in Sam's view, just in case he saw him. He watched as Sam's eyes went from calm to a look of pain as he cried out. Dean jumped up, looking at what the doctors were doing; a large needle had been inserted into Sam's hip.

Sam cried out again as the doctors continued to work, Dean started to panic.

"What the hell!" He yelled out. He crouched back to Sam's eye level, "Listen Sammy, its okay, I'm here, just keep calm, deep breaths it will be over soon" Sam looked down at him.

"Dean?" he asked quietly, causing the older hunter to smile, his eyes welling up with tears, "Ya Sammy its me, don't worry I got you now, it will be over soon"

Another cry came from the young mans lips, Dean tried to reach out for Sam, just to touch him, but he felt something tug back at him. He stood up as he felt himself being tugged out of the room. He tried to fight back but he couldn't. "Sam!" He yelled as he was being pulled out, another cry of pain coming from Sam.

"SAMMY!" Dean yelled as he was pulled through the hospital corridors back into his room to his sleeping body.

He opened his eyes, startling the nurse doing his vitals, "Sammy" he whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN : I'm so sorry I just assume people can read my mind and see that I already have this chapter written out in my mind, I was jumping the gun a bit and forgot about this part so sorry. **

_**Read and review**_

**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1**

**ENJOY**

The nurses were frantic around Dean, his sudden awakening stunned them all, and his struggle with them seemed to come out of nowhere.

"Where's Sam!" he tried to yell, fighting the nurses off the best he could, he needed to go see his brother, he needed to see Sam.

"Dean, you have to calm down, your brother his fine, but if you don't calm down, you won't see him"

"I want to see him now" Dean said as he tried to calm down, tried to control his temper, if it meant seeing Sam then it was worth it, he relaxed his body, and he could feel the sleep starting to tug at him again, he fought to keep his eyes open, but it was no use, his fatigued body gave in once again to the darkness.

Dean's dreams were like a broken record, playing the same scene over and over again, making him watch his brother writher in pain over and over. He wanted to wake up, the pain in the dreams too much for him to handle.

His eyes shot open once again, he wasted no time in trying to get up from his bed, a hand came over his chest, forcing him back down.

"If you can calm down and relax, let the doctor look you over you might be able to see Sam today" the nurse said, her aggravation clear through her words. But she was happy when she felt the young man finally relax under her, 'finally' she thought to herself.

Dean closed his eyes and tried to count to ten, one of the many things his father had told him to do when he lost his temper. It wasn't working though, he wanted to see Sam and if he didn't see him soon, he was going to lose it.

"Hello Dean, good to see you finally awake" a doctor said as he walked into the room, "Heard that you wanted to see your brother" Dean made no response.

"I'm just going to check you over then I will figure out a way for you to go see your brother." The doctor said as he moved close to Dean, beginning to check his vitals to ensure that the man was stable.

"I'm going to want to do a few tests just to be on the safe side," he began, eliciting a glare from Dean, "But, your vitals are fine, and from the way you struggled you seem to be doing ok, I'll allow you to be wheeled down to your brothers room, he is a little bit groggy, but I know you want to see him" the doctor took pity on the Winchester laying before him, he knew what it was like to have a younger brother, and he didn't blame Dean for acting the way he did, he just hoped that he could handle what Sam had in store for him.

"Thanks Doc." Dean said quietly, he needed to see his brother, but he was scared of what he may find when he went up to his little brothers room.

000o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

It seemed to take forever for Dean to finally make it to Sam's room, and when he finally wheeled in, it took the air out of his lungs, and drained the colour from his face. He wasn't prepared to see Sammy in a hospital bed, it was an image he was sure he would never forget, forever burned into the back of his mind, he had failed Sammy in some way, let him get hurt.

The nurse wheeled him up to the side of the bed, "Can we be alone?" Dean asked, his voice choking slightly from all the emotions running through him.

"Of course, but not long" the nurse said as she walked out.

Dean was glad to hear the door shut as he looked back at Sam, "Hey Sammy" he said, trying to stay strong. "What are you doing in this bed?" he asked, hoping for a response.

"Come on Sam, wake up now" he pleaded, he watched his brother, it was then that he noticed the small twitch, and the movement of the hand. Dean reached up and grabbed his brothers hand, ignoring the pain in his side, "That's it Sam, time to wake up"

Sam groaned as he opened his eyes slowly, the effects of the drugs he had been given still in his system. He tried to focus his vision as he looked up, he smiled as he made eye contact with Dean.

"Dean" he whispered, he struggled to keep his eyes open, never wanting to lose sight of his brother. He didn't want to be alone.

"Hey Sam, how are you?" Dean asked

"Been better" Sam slurred, trying to smile, to mask his pain, but he knew he couldn't fool Dean.

"What's going on here Sam?" Dean finally asked, not wanting to push his brother into anything, but knowing that he needed the truth, he needed to know what happened.

"Bad news Dean" was all Sam said, the drugs starting to win the fight over his body.

"What?! What do you mean Sam?" Dean yelled at him, wanting to shake him, but thinking better of it.

"Sam?" Dean pleaded, his head down, "I can't help you if I don't know what's going on."

"You couldn't help him even if you did know what was going on" a voice came from the doorway, the nurse stood, her face full of pity.

"What do you mean"

"Dean, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I know your brother would want you to know" she started to walk closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Dean, Sam is very sick, the doctors believe that he has cancer, a very curable cancer, but cancer nonetheless"

The older hunter sat, wide eyed, he didn't understand, Sam didn't smoke, he hardly drank, he ate healthy, how the hell does he get cancer.

The nurse, as if reading his thoughts began to go into a little more detail, "Its one of those things that just sort of happens, it's a very unfortunate situation, but it is curable. Dean you have to be strong for Sam now, he's going to need you"

He just nodded, he already knew that, he bit his lip as he looked back up at Sam, his face pale and withdrawn; he held the look of a person who was ill. How could he have not noticed before, how could he let that slip through.

'It doesn't matter now' he thought to himself as he was wheeled away, tears falling from his eyes ' all that matters is Sammy.' But he just couldn't get that sinking feeling out of his stomach, he had failed, what was dad going to think of this, and how was he even going to tell him.

**AN: I'm so sorry again**

**_Read and Review_**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Okay I have changed this completely, its completely AU not really following the story line of the show, John is no longer in the hospital with the brothers, he may be in the story later on, I have made small adjustments to the first chapter, nothing serious, really just cutting John out, for now, I hope you still enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1**

**ENJOY**

The sun was shining, the birds were chirping and the bees were buzzing, but inside the hospital, the Winchesters were in the middle of a war zone.

"You have to tell him Sam!" Dean yelled, his anger overflowing, "You just don't keep this from Dad!"

Sam sighed as he got up from the chair beside Deans bed, wincing slightly at the resonating pain in his back and side from the tests a few days before.

"Dean, it's for the best" He began looking over to his brother, hoping he would understand, "You know Dad is still hunting the demon, and he can't have me as a distraction, I'll be back in the game within six months time, and he'll be none the wiser." He argued, wanting his dad to keep hunting the thing that destroyed their family. Even the fact that he knew Dean was going to be stepping back from hunting was too much of a burden on the youngest Winchester, he didn't want anyone to step back, if he had it his way he would ask Dean to leave him in some hospital and just keep hunting, he wasn't as important as finding that Demon, but he knew his brother would never do that.

"I don't like it Sam, he should know" Dean announced, knowing that he was losing the battle with his younger brother. "But it's your decision, not mine." He didn't like it, he didn't like anything about it, but he knew that this wasn't about what he did or didn't like, it was about Sam, and how he was going to get better.

They were in Dean's room waiting for Sam's Doctor to come in and give them the results for the tests. The doctors had found out soon after Dean had woken up, that the two brothers were inseparable and that if you found one of them, the other wasn't too far away.

Dean shifted uncomfortably; his body was getting stiff from having to lay down in a bed for what seemed like an eternity, he couldn't wait to get out of the hospital, not only to get out of the bed, but to have some decent food, hospital food is awful.

"You okay?" he heard his brother who was getting up to come over, he didn't miss his brothers wince of pain with every movement he took.

"I should be the one asking you that" he replied, he knew his brother was scared, he would never admit his fear, but he knew, hell he was scared enough as it was, he couldn't even imagine how Sam was feeling, cancer wasn't something that ran through the Winchester family, especially the type of cancer that just kinda pops up for no reason whatsoever.

"I'm fine" Sam replied, his voice distant, his eyes looking at Dean, but his mind miles away. "Sure" Dean grunted back, as the doctor entered the room, causing both boys to look at him.

"Hello Sam and Dean, I thought I'd find you two here" The doctor smiled as he closed the door behind him.

Dean tried to smile back, but he was sure it looked more like a scowl.

Sam, however, didn't hear the doctors greeting, all he could hear was his heart beating in his ears, his emotions going into overload as the doctor pulled up a chair and looked at him, he could see his lips moving, but the words just weren't registering.

"Sam?" Dean called out, causing his brother to break free from his trance.

"Sorry" he muttered looking back up at the doctor.

"That's okay Sam, I'm here to tell you what you have to expect for the next few months," The doctor looked from boy to boy, seeing the fear in their eyes; he never liked telling families the bad news.

"As you know, you have a large tumor in your chest, after testing the lymph nodes from your neck it has been discovered that you have Hodgkin's disease. Now there is good news and bad news. The good news is, that the cancer has not spread to your bones; the bad news is, that it has spread to your right lung and your stomach. Your right lung was the one that we drained; we drained a liter and a half of fluid from that one lung alone, which is a big reason as to why you were having trouble breathing."

The brothers said nothing, both in a state of shock, both trying to concentrate hard on what the Doctor was saying, "Now because of the size of the tumor and how it has spread, I am diagnosing you as a Hodgkin's 4B, you will go through at least 6 months of Chemotherapy, possibly 8 months, and there is also a possibility of radiation, but that can't be figured out until later in the treatment. I'm going to give you a 75 chance of recovery, which is very good." The doctor tried to go slow, not wanting to confuse the boys.

"You are going to be on a 28 day chemotherapy schedule that we will begin immediately. The drugs you will be given are Cyclophosphamide, Oncovin also known as Vincristine, Prednisone, Etoposide, Adriamycin, Bleomycin, and Vinblastine, this treatment is referred to as COPE ABV. Days one to eight are chemo days, days one through to fourteen you will be taking prednisone, that's the steroid that you have already been started on. Day one will be your longest day because you need to be well hydrated in order to have Cyclophosphamide, because this drug if it sits in your bladder to long it can do some serious damage. So within the hour, I will be starting you on day one which will involve COPE, on day two and three you will only receive PE, days four to seven are rest days, day eight you will receive ABV, and then just P until day fourteen. Don't worry about the days, you will get a calendar that outlines what goes on everyday, do you have any questions so far?" The doctor asked, hoping to bring some life back into the boys.

"No" Sam replied, his eyes wide, he felt like he was being given the alphabet.

"Ya I do" Dean said dragging his hand down his face, his mind a jumble from what he was just told, "What are the side effects of the treatment? Will he lose his hair?"

"The side effects can range from being very mild to more serious; I will be giving you a pamphlet about the different side effects that Sam will experience. More often than not patients suffer from nausea and vomiting, but we have very good medications that can reduce that. There's no way a person can tell how they are going to re-act to the treatment, they could have no reaction at all, you just never really know, but there is a 99 chance that Sam will lose his hair, once it starts to fall out more, you'll notice it on your pillow when you wake up in the morning, I suggest going to shave your head to make the transition a little easier." The doctor watched Sam subconsciously touch his hair, it was always the hardest part to get over.

"So when does this start?" Sam quietly asked, trying to absorb everything that was just said.

"Well I would like to get you back to your room so you are more comfortable."

"No" Sam responded immediately, there was no way he was leaving Dean.

"Dean can come as well, he's stable enough that he can go up to your room, and we can set him up a place so he can spend the night with you as well." The doctor knew that Dean wasn't going to leave his brothers side, and he was thankful that Sam had that kind of support, more often than not a patient would come in and end up having no support at all.

"I would like to start this as soon as possible definitely within the next hour, the nurse is in the hall waiting to walk you and Dean back up to your room" The doctor got up, making his way to the door, "I will send along some books for you to read about the disease and the treatment you will be having, if you have any questions at all please feel free to ask"

The brothers just nodded, both too stunned to open their mouths. "You ready little brother?" Dean finally asked.

"As ready as I'll ever be"

Ooooooo0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o

The room was quiet, the beeping from the heart monitors the only sound echoing off the walls. Sam looked up at his IV and watched as his nausea medication dripped slowly, he wanted to rip the IV out of his hand, he didn't want to have chemo, and he didn't want to be sick. He looked at the wall in front of him as his IV began to beep, signaling to the nurse that he was ready to begin his treatment; he clenched his teeth and tried hard to keep calm.

Dean watched his brother, watched the emotions go through his face; he was scared for his little brother, scared because he had no control, he couldn't do anything to help, and that pissed him off more than anything. He listened to the IV beeping and watched as Sam tensed, waiting for the chemo.

"How you doing Sammy? I can see your nostrils flaring up" Dean asked hoping to get the younger hunter to open up; they hadn't really talked about what was going on.

"Nothing, they're not flaring, that's how I breathe" Sam chewed at his lip as the nurse walked in; his eyes went wide as he looked at all the gowns and masks she was wearing.

"Its just so I'm not exposed to the treatment Sam" she said immediately noticing how tense he got. She looked over to Dean, "You have to be careful not to use the bathroom after Sam, because Chemotherapy comes out in a persons urine, if you go into the washroom right after Sam you will be exposed to the drugs." Dean just nodded, he understood the warning, but he didn't care.

"Right of course, I'll make sure he doesn't go in" Sam replied, looking forward once again, not wanting to look at what the nurse was doing.

"Okay Sam" She said quietly, "I'm just going to start you up on your Cyclophosphamide, your nose may start to feel uncomfortable, almost as if it was really cold out and the inside of your nose starts to hurt, if it gets too uncomfortable please let me know and I will dilute the drug more. This should take about an hour and a half." She tried to smile, tried to get the brothers to acknowledge anything, but they were lost in their own thoughts.

Sam tried to stay calm, he felt the tingling in his nose almost immediately, the tears started to well up, this was his reality, and it was as if the tingling in his nose had finally solidified it for him. There was no way he was going to get out of this, no way he could change what he was going to be doing, he had no control.

Dean didn't know what to say, he had never dealt with something like this in his own family, he shook his head, ashamed at his weak attitude, he couldn't even look at Sam, he didn't want to look at Sam, thinking maybe, just maybe if he didn't look it wouldn't be his baby brother laying there in the hospital bed getting chemotherapy. But he couldn't help it, he had to look up, and that's when he saw the first tear fall, and his heart broke.

"Sam?" he whispered, not daring to say more, not trusting his own voice as he slowly got up, he reached for Sam's hand as the second tear fell, his heart shattered, his own tears started to build. He didn't know what to say.

"I'm fine Dean" Sam looked at him, he wanted to be strong, but the tears gave him away, "I'll be fine" he said more firmly as his tears started to dry, trying to prove that he wasn't phased.

Dean just nodded his head as he sat in the chair beside his baby brother's bed, he was never going to let anything bad happen to Sam again, he had already let too much happen to his younger brother, in his mind, he didn't deserve Sam.

_**Read and Review**_


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: So I though no one would mind if I tried to post another chapter, I'm lying in bed most of them time sleeping, so I figured I would put writing in there as well. Hope you enjoy! **

_**Read and Review!**_

**Disclaimer: See chapter 1**

**ENJOY**

The snow crunch under Sam's shoes as he walked up the pathway, his actions slow as he tried to take in everything that was being thrown at him. The cancer, the hospital, the treatment, and now him and Dean were moving into a small house that Dean had managed to find on the market. It wasn't much but it was more than he was expecting, and of course that was just like his older brother, making it so Sam always had the best he could provide, even when they were kids.

"Well Sammy… this is it, its not much but I got a good deal, and its close to the hospital" Dean tried to smile, but his heart was heavy as he thought about the months that were ahead of him and his brother. They had survived the first round of treatment with little to no side effects, Sam had felt slightly nauseous after his first day but had pulled through the rest of the chemo with little trouble, now they were faced with the possibility of losing his hair, and of course bottoming out, two things Dean wasn't looking forward to.

"Ya, it looks good Dean" he said as he walked into the house, his head down, he didn't want to trap Dean in a house, didn't want him to have to stop from the hunt he craved, now he was forced to get a job, to leave the hunt and be with his sorry ass. He wished the cancer would just end it quick, let them both be free from its grasps.

"I'm gonna head up to bed" he said quietly, hoping maybe he wouldn't wake.

"You sure? You don't want anything to eat?" Dean asked, concern for his brother showing through as he put a hand on his back, steadying his stance because of his weakened legs.

"Ya, I'm sure, I'll have something tomorrow" he said, looking at his tired brother, "Okay, your room is down the hall, last room on your left, mine is right across from yours, and the bathroom is down the hall, the only nice thing about bungalows, everything is on the same floor." Deans said trying to smile again, but his heavy heart once again seemed to weigh down his mouth.

Sam just nodded as he headed down the hall to his bedroom, pausing to shake his legs a little bit, a dull pain resonating in his knees as he opened the door, looking at the small bed in the corner of the small room, a big window in the middle of the room which he was glad for, he lived for natural light. He settled down in his bed the ache only dulling slightly as he pulled the covers up, impressed that Dean had fixed the house so well before he got there, even though most of the furniture came with the house, his brother had still managed to make the beds and make it so the house was livable. He closed his eyes, ignoring the pain in his joints, taking a shaky breath as he tried to forget the life he was living.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The night was quiet, both brothers sleeping peacefully in the new walls they had come to call home. Dean was tossing and turning, trying to chase away the night mares that plagued his dreams, the thought of losing Sam, of not being able to help him, terrified the older brother, he wasn't used to dealing with something that wasn't supernatural in nature, wasn't used to having no control. All he could do was keep Sam comfortable, and if that meant him finding a job and renting a house, he had no problem doing it for his brother. He turned over, his eyes wide open, his thoughts drifting back to Sammy, and he got up, wanting to see, to make sure the younger hunter was okay.

He walked quietly up to Sam's room, opening the door as quietly as he could, the creak from the door seeming to echo off the walls of the small house. Dean winced glancing into the room, happy to see Sam shift, but not wake up, he stood there for what seemed like forever, just staring at his brothers pale complexion in the soft moon light, he wanted to trade places with his Sammy, take away all the pain, but he didn't know how. "I'll never leave you Sammy" he said quietly, his voice choking in emotion as he turned and closed the door, walking back to his room, unaware of the small beads of sweat that had started to form on the younger brothers skin.

It wasn't the fever that woke Sam, no it was the dull ache in his bones that caused him to stir. He rolled onto his side, hoping that the change in position would fix the pain, but his joints just hurt more. His knees, hips, elbows, wrists, hell even his fingers throbbed in pain, agonizing pain that seemed to intensify with each passing moment. He groaned in pain, shifting his position again, still no better. He grabbed the extra pillow under his head and put it under his knees, still no better.

"Oh god" he groaned his face twisting from the pain that was pulsing through his joints.

"make it stop" he said through clenched teeth, as he began to thrash in his bed, frustration and pain mixing together as the tears started to fall. 'Come on deep breaths, keep it together' he thought to himself trying to take deep shaky breaths in. 'But it hurts so fucking much!' he yelled at himself as he threw his pillow across the room, grabbing at his head as the tears ran down is cheeks, he struggled to bring his feet off the bed, sitting up and steadying himself on the floor. He knew he needed to something for the pain, anything.

He walked towards the kitchen, his steps small and shaky, his ankles feeling as if they were going to snap under the weight of his own body. He reached for the Tylenol remembering that that was the only painkiller the doctor had permitted him to use,

'Have to take your temperature first' he thought to himself as he picked up the bottle. "Fuck that" he said aloud, not caring about a stupid fever, just wanting the pain to stop.

"Damn Child locks" he muttered as his shaky hands tried to open the bottle. His joints screaming out, the pain becoming unbearable as his hands shook so bad he couldn't even read the bottles label.

"Dammit" he yelled in frustration throwing the bottle across the small kitchen, falling to the floor, his body falling into the fetal position, trying to hide from the pain.

"Please, stop the pain, please go away" he whimpered softly, his tears pooling on the floor. "please"

His rocking stopped as he felt a hand on his back, "hey Sammy" came the quiet voice of his older brother, who had awoken to the sound of the Tylenol bottle hitting the wall.

"Hey Sam?" he asked quietly again, as he helped Sam get up off the floor, noticing the tears the younger hunter tried to wipe away. "Hey, come on lets get you up to the couch" he said trying to be as comforting as he could, only to realize it was a little harder than it looked. He steadied his brother as they walked over, concern etched into his features as Sams body shook, "What's going on Sammy?"

"I just have some pain in my joints, they're throbbing" Sam grunted out as he sat back on the couch near the kitchen.

"Ya, is that why you went psycho on the Tylenol?" Dean asked trying to lighten the mood, seeing the pain in Sams eyes, "See Sammy, that's something a twelve year old chubby Kid would do, that's why you're still Sammy" he said smiling as he got the bottle and removed two pills.

Sam wanted to respond, and on any other day he would have had some sort of response, but now, now he was trying to keep back the sobs as his body shook, he had never experienced such pain before in his life.

He gratefully accepted the pills and water, in shaking hands; he swallowed them back and put his head back, closing his eyes, waiting for the pills to start working. "please start soon' he begged.

He felt his older brother take a seat beside him, the soft glow from the television emanating through the room, peaking under his closed eyes, Match Game echoing in the room. Sam smiled at the show, he wasn't sure why his brother had such a fixation with Match Game, "god that Betty White was hot back then" he heard dean comment, making him laugh quietly. "You're kidding right?" he answered back, opening his eyes and looking at his brother, who was smiling at the TV.

They sat and watched TV for two hours, the Tylenol had kicked in, but didn't take away the pain, only dulled it slightly. Finally after two hours of suffering Sam was consumed by sleep. Resting his head back, his mouth wide open, groaning every so often as he tried to shift around on the couch.

Dean glanced over, glad to see his little brother finally asleep, "Okay Sammy, time to go to bed" he said as he nudged him softly, causing him to stir slightly.

"what?" he asked, his voice groggy.

"Its okay Sam, lets get up and head back to bed, okay?" Dean asked as he helped Sam up, putting his around his waist as Sam rested his arm on his shoulder. "mmhmm" was the only reply he got as he and Sam slowly made their way back to Sam's room, resting the young hunter on his bed. Dean watched as his brother moved groaning once again, "God I wish I could help you Sammy" Dean said, trying to adjust the pillows around Sam, trying to make it as comfortable as he could.

"You do too much for me already" Sam said quietly as he fell back asleep, unbeknownst to him of how much his words meant to his suddenly speechless brother.

"I can never do too much for you Sam" he responded, his voice thick with emotion once again as he reached up and rubbed Sam's head, only to pull away with a thick clump of brown hair. His eyes went wide as he looked at the clump of hair, "oh no" he said as he tried to get the hair out of his hand, hoping that maybe it wasn't real, he hadn't just pulled Sam's hair out, but knowing what he had to do the next morning.

000o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o000o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The light peaked through Sam's curtains into his small room, his joints still aching, but not as bad as during the night. He made his way out of bed and walked towards the bathroom, yawning and trying to stretch his sore bones.

He looked at his pale face, he looked so pathetic, his eyes still puffy from crying the night before. He washed some cool water over his face, wanting to refresh his tired features, as he ran his hands through his hair, something felt different. As he began to pull his hand away his mouth dropped in surprise as the hair in his hand followed, becoming detached from his head without him even knowing it. "Oh shit" he mumbled as he grasped the hair tightly, "no" he said panic rising up, his hands hovering over his head, not wanting to lose his hair, trying to think of a way to stop it.

"Oh shit shit shit" was his mantra as he frantically searched the washroom for some sort of cure, desperation written all over his actions.

"Hey Sam" he heard from the doorway, spinning around quick, not wanting Dean to know the situation he was in. "hey, ya I was just looking for my toothbrush"

The older boy just nodded, pity written all over his face, "Sam" he began, "I know, I found out last night" he couldn't bring himself to say what he had found out, but he had set up a chair in his bedroom, and had gotten his shaver out, he couldn't sleep after he had pulled away the hair, so he wanted to make sure Sam was as comfortable as possible as he shaved his head. He figured Sam would want him to shave his head, not some stranger, and he knew that he would rather do it as well.

"Come on Sam" he said quietly as he put a hand on his brothers shoulder, noticing the tears that had started to build once more in his eyes. The doctor had warned him that losing ones hair, although insignificant in the whole process, was the hardest thing a person had to face. "I've got something set up so we can take care of this"

The brothers walked down the hall into Deans room, both quiet, both feeling as if they were walking down death row, Sam felt as if people from cells should be jeering them on as they passed. He tensed as he reached the room and saw what was there. A chair in the middle of the room, a table set beside it with a shaver on it.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted to face he mirror, or if you wanted to look out the window"

"window" he responded quietly, not wanting to have to sit in the chair at all, but was thankful that it was his brother who was going to be doing this.

The morning was still young, but that didn't stop the children who were playing in the cold winter air, throwing snowballs at one another laughing and playing. Sam smiled at the scene as he heard the shaver go on, "You ready?" He only nodded as he tried to forget what was happening, putting himself in the children's shoes, laughing and playing along with them. The first chunk of hair fell to the ground, he could see the reflection in the window, he tried to look past it, tried not to lose his cool as Dean kept going. He looked at the innocence of the children, wanting that innocence back, and not even in the supernatural kinda way, he wanted to know what it felt like to not be sick, to not lose his hair, to not be a burden. He felt the breeze on one side of his head, now it was a matter of fighting back the sobs, because the tears were once again flowing freely, he hated crying and yet that's all he ever seemed to do.

Dean's hands were shaking as he picked up the shaver, he didn't want to do this, he didn't want to take his brothers hair, "You ready?" he faintly heard himself say over the buzz of the razor, he saw the nod, and without thinking brought the razor down to his brothers head. It was like an out of body experience as he watched himself shave Sammy's head, in any other situation he would have been ecstatic that he was finally able to shave off his brothers longer hair, but now, he could see the balding spots from where the hair had already fallen out. 'Shit Sammy' he thought to himself as he continued to shave, sparing a glance at his brother who was having a hard time keeping it together, he didn't blame him though, hell he was having a hard time keeping it together and he wasn't the one who was losing his hair.

"There ya go Sammy, like a new man" he tried to smile as he rubbed Sams head, he saw the tears falling, he crouched down beside Sam, knowing that this was turning into a chick flick moment, but it was something he wanted, a chick flick moment that he was craving for as he embraced his brother. "Its okay Sam" he said softly as the younger boy cried in his shoulder. "Everything is going to be okay" he repeated, his own tears falling onto Sams shoulder, it killed him inside to not know if everything really was going to be okay.

**AN: There you go, another chapter finished, it took me a few days to write this, between the sleeping and the being ill, ever trying vomiting with a sore throat, not as fun as it sounds. But hey you know, life goes on. **

_**Read and review!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: So Sorry about the delay, issues with painkillers, when I found ones that worked they made me sleep all day, well I hope you like this chapter. **

_**Thanks so much for all the reviewers, it means so much to me and your encouraging words are the ones that help me through the fogginess of the painkiller and help me update. **_

**Thank you **

**Disclaimer: See Chapter 1**

**ENJOY**

Sam stood in the small washroom in the small house that Dean had managed to rent, he wasn't sure how, but he didn't ask questions, he was just glad his brother had worked something out.

He stood in front of the mirror, his reflection staring back at him, he half expected the reflection to take on a life of its own, become possessed by Bloody Mary once more; he brought his fingers up to his cheeks, resisting the urge to dig a trail from his eyes down his pale cheeks.

It was the last day of his 28 day cycle and he felt as if he had already been to hell and back, which was a grim thought since there was so much treatment left to go through. He hadn't bottomed out as bad as he thought he would have, for once he had actually held his own against the treatment, and the joint pain hadn't lasted more than 3 days, once he was on painkillers for it. Naturally Dean had insisted on going to the doctors for the joint pain, and while there he just got the usual thing, 'this is normal with Vincristine, here are some pain killers enjoy', but if it made Dean happy for him to go, then he had no problem doing it.

But one of the biggest adjustments, that he really hadn't gotten use to, dealt with the loss of his hair, and not just the hair on his head. Over the past 14 days he had completely lost his hair, his leg hair, his arm hair, hell even his eyebrows and eyelashes, and now he was standing in front of the mirror staring at the alien in front of him, unrecognizable even to his own eyes. He traced the areas on his face where hair should be, so lost in his reflection he jumped when he heard the banging on the door.

"Hey Sam?! You gonna share that bathroom?! Cause I'd hate to have to drop a deuce in your bed"

Sam smiled at his brother vulgarity, and his new word for shit, that he had somehow adopted over the past few days.

"Ya, Ya" he called back, putting his bandanna and hat back on, careful as he felt the tug on his chest. He stepped back, taking one last look in the mirror, drawing a deep breath in as he opened the door, smiling again as he watched his brother shuffle from foot to foot from the discomfort of having to go to the washroom.

"All yours" he said as he walked down the narrow hallway, ignoring his brother's sigh of relief as he shut the door.

The young hunter walked into the small kitchen, opening a cupboard and reaching for a glass, he cringed as he felt the tug once more on his chest, the newest addition to his officially fucked up life, a port a cath that had been put in his chest on day 20, its about the size of a dime hiding beneath the skin of his chest, a small tube attached to it running up to his throat where it was inserted into a main vein and then run down to his heart where it lay, the whole system acting as a central IV system so he wouldn't have to endure so many IV starts in his hands and arms.

Sam touched the tender area, the bandage still in place, hiding its grotesque appearance, but nothing could hide the small protruding bump of the port, hard to the touch, a constant reminder of the chemo he was going to endure the next day, and the upcoming months.

His hand grasped the glass, pulling it from the cupboard, shaking slightly, his nerves frayed at the thought of the impending chemotherapy. He didn't want to do this anymore, hell it was only the second month and he felt like he was ready to crack, how was he going to last five, possibly seven more months of this?!

The glass slipped from his grasp, crashing to the floor, the young Winchester stood staring at the fragments scattering the floor, 'How am I going to get through this?' he thought, his eyes welling up. Then the answer echoed down the hall, "Sam?! You okay?"

Sam nodded not trusting his voice; he knew then, how he was going to get through this, and why he had to make it.

"Sammy?!" Came the urgent voice once again, toilet flushing.

"Ya!" he called back, crouching down, slowly picking up the glass, the thought of chemo still lingering in his mind… God he didn't want to go.

**Next Day**

The sterile smell of the hospital invaded Deans nose as he walked down the hall, his brother beside him, his hairless body still something he was getting used to, Dean tried to act like it didn't phase him when he was with Sam, but when his younger brother wasn't looking he couldn't help but stare at him. He knew it was his Sammy and it always would be his Sammy, but it sure as hell didn't look like the brother he had grown up with, his strong physique weakened tremendously in just the past month, his movements slow and his face withdrawn, he had slowly changed into a cancer patient, the ones Dean only saw walking in hospitals or in movies, but now his brother was part of that, and if Sammy was part of it, so was Dean.

The two brothers stepped into the outpatient treatment area, joining the line that had already formed, "You can go sit if you want Sammy" he offered, noticing how tired his brothers eyes were, and how his face had started to flush because of his steroids.

Sam just shook his head, he wasn't ready to sit in the waiting room with all the other patients, he wasn't ready to be considered part of that group.

Dean just nodded, not wanting to argue with his little brother, secretly not wanting Sam to go sit in the waiting room either.

So both boys waited in silence, following the leads of the others waiting in line, no one talking, for there was nothing good to talk about.

The young hunter watched as the patients filled the waiting room, their faces pale and withdrawn, most of them as bald as Sam, others had a few wispy hairs scattered on their scalps, and a select few still brandished a full head of hair. The young hunter couldn't help but be jealous of those select few. He watched as a young woman walked into the room, holding her baby on her lap, a k-basin in front of the baby's small face as it vomited its meager stomach contents, finally stopping with a little cough as he raised his small head, a small smile adorning his lips.

Sam couldn't smile as he lowered his head, shame filling him as he thought of the cruel fate the baby had been given, and how he had the audacity to complain about his situation, it was nothing compared to the small child who wasn't even given a chance to live and yet could still smile, he shook his head, he had never felt so weak and disgusted with himself.

"You okay?" Dean asked, his voice soothing, causing the younger brother to look up, meeting Deans eyes, amazed at the amount of concern he found in them, he just nodded, looking back over to the baby, trying to smile.

"Good, cause we're next in line" Dean replied following his brothers gaze to the child, but quickly looking away, he didn't need to see that.

**Two hours later**

It didn't take long before Sam found his new port hooked up to an IV, the area still tender, but that didn't stop the nurses from accessing it for his hydration and chemo.

He was well on his way with his hydration, waiting for the chemo as he lay in a hospital bed in the Daycare for cancer patients, Dean beside him in a chair.

Thin curtains the only things separating the brothers from other patients who were receiving their treatment, nine beds filled half the room, each one occupied, while some patients had to sit in chairs, waiting for the next bed to empty.

A small half wall separated the room, the other side being used for the small infants, cribs set up along with rocking chairs and change tables. Sam was surprised at the amount of babies that were in that half of the room, the cries easily making their way over to the brother's side.

Sam could see Dean leaning forward as another cry rang through the day care, his head in his hands in obvious discomfort from their surroundings.

"You can go Dean" Sam said, causing the older hunter to look up, "I know you don't like hospitals, and you can come back later, its no big deal, I can phone you when I'm done" Sam finished, looking away from his brothers shocked eyes.

"You have to be fucking kidding me, Sam how could you even suggest that? Do you honestly think I would ever leave you?" He questioned, anger bubbling up.

"Well I wouldn't blame you if you did, hell Dean your just going to sit there all day watching me die"

"Hey!" Dean yelled standing up, knocking his chair over in the process, not caring about the scene he was creating, "Lets get something straight Sammy" he seethed getting right up into Sammy's face.

"As long as you're in this hospital, laying in any of these beds, I will be here, and don't you ever, EVER mention death again, you're a Winchester, we're to stubborn to die, and don't you ever forget that" he finished, his voice not as seething as it was emotional.

Sam didn't respond, the raw emotion in his brothers voice more than he could handle, he turned away from his brothers eyes as Dean settled back into the chair beside his bed once more.

**Four hours later**

They sat in silence, occasionally acknowledging the nurse who checked in on Sam who was more than half way down his chemo for the day, the last drug, Etoposide, would begin once the benydryll was finished infusing.

The younger Winchester could feel the drug start to work, his finger tips starting to tingle and go numb, his body seeming weightless as the IV began to beep. He watched the nurse moving around him, the colors starting to blur together, and the noises in the room beginning to blend into one sound as his heavy eye lids began to drop, sleep succumbing his tired body.

Dean could do nothing but watch as his brother fell asleep, the feeling of helplessness settling over the older Winchester once again. He couldn't help his little brother, couldn't protect him from the illness that filled him, and that bothered Dean, but something new had started to tug at Dean as well.

He had started to notice not only in Sam's appearance but in his attitude as well, he had changed, from the somewhat sullen, but determined little brother, to one that had given up. Sam had lost his sense of life, his will to live, it was as if his little brother had accepted his fate, welcoming death with open arms, and it scared Dean to think his brother would give up so quick, if there was one thing he had control over, it would be his brothers hope, and he sure as hell hadn't accepted Sams death and he'd be damned if Sam gave up so quick, he was not losing his brother to the likes of some reaper, not ever again would he lose him.

He watched as Sam's body twitched, his eyes moving frantically beneath his lids, Dean sighed, yet another thing he couldn't protect his brother from, the constant nightmares that plagued his sleep.

But Dean was off in his assumption of Sam's dreams; yes of course it was a disturbing dream, but a foreign one, not the usual the young hunter encountered in his slumber.

_Sam opened his eyes, his head pounding as looked around the dark room, the air surrounding him musty and damp, he lay in an uncomfortable bed, it felt as if he was lying on the wood frame with little to no padding, very fine blankets draped across his body that did little for the chill that resided deep within his bones. _

_He looked around the dark room a candle off to the side of the bed he lay in, the only source of light, he saw two shadows talking in the doorway, their voices muffled, he took in their appearance, their clothes ragged and dirty, almost like burlap sacks, and their bodies were covered in grime. _

_He tried to call out but his voice was more of a squeak as he started coughing, his chest rattling, a wet substances forming on his hands as he held them in front of his mouth, tears streamed down his cheeks, his lungs felt like they were on fire, he struggled to breath in between the coughs, and when he was finally finished coughing he couldn't help but grasp at his chest, the pain still there, his heart felt like it was going to explode as he still struggled to breathe, groaning in pain, panic settling in as he coughed more blood up. He tried to calm himself, to lay his head back down, but his body was on fire, it felt as if his lungs were making their way up, and he hoped they were, he wanted them out he had never felt such pain before. _

_Sam watched as one of the figures rushed over to him, wetting a cloth and putting it to his face, wiping his face with the cool water, trying to calm him. _

_Finally Sam calmed, the pain residing into a dull ache, he looked at the stranger who still held the cloth to his face, his face moving into the light, Sam would have gasped if he could as he realized that this stranger was no stranger at all, it was Dean. _

_He looked at his brother, taking in his appearance, the dirt covering his body and face, his hair longer, and his teeth rotting. _

"_Its okay my brother" Dean said quietly_

_Sam didn't know what to do, he couldn't understand the dream, but with the pain in his chest, he didn't really care, he lay back, still struggling to breathe. _

"_Everything will be okay, you will feel no pain soon" Dean said as he continued with the damp cloth, tears falling down his cheeks creating a clean line through the dirt. _

"_Promise?" Sam said quietly, finally finding his voice, as he looked into Deans crying eyes, knowing what was ahead, as he felt his eyelids become heavy, he wanted to struggle against the death that was waiting for him, but he couldn't, the pain had become unbearable, he wanted nothing more than to accept it, he could feel his breathing slow as his eyes began to droop. He watched his brother begin to sob as he slowly closed his eyes and breathed his last breath. _

**AN: Bad news Bears, this story is going to be on a bit of a hiatus, I want to get a few chapters in before I post again, I'll try really hard not to have you wait too long… really hard !**

_**Read and Review**_


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: It has been brought to my attention that having a beta reader would help this story, if anyone is willing please let me know, I'm not even sure how a beta reader even really works lol.**

_**Read and Review! **_

**Disclaimer: See Chapter One**

**ENJOY**

Sams could see nothing but utter darkness, his own limbs invisible in the black hole that had engulfed him; his breath hitched in his throat, the 500 lb weight remained on his chest even in the darkness of death. 'who knew death would be so painful' he thought to himself, trying to glance around, to see if there was any sign of his mother, the one person he thought would be waiting for him. He turned his head from side to side still met with darkness, only to realize, to his humiliation, that his eyes were shut tight.

Opening them slowly, not sure of what was going to be in front of him, either the gates of hell or the gates of heaven. He was surprised to be met with the bright light of the hospital, violently flooding his vision, vanishing the darkness as he struggled to breathe. His breath continuously hitching in the back of his throat, he could faintly hear the cries of his brother as he felt the bile begin to rise from his stomach.

Sam unconsciously lifted his head, trying to clear his airway, but instead making the passage way accessible for the bile that was brewing. He coughed violently as he could feel the burning in the back of his throat rise up and exit through his mouth. He could do nothing but watch as the neon green vomit spilled out of his mouth and onto his chest.

Two hands came in front of his mouth, making a feeble attempt to stop the vomit that had already left its mark of destruction.

It felt like forever for his stomach to finally be empty, the dry heaves replacing the green vomit, causing the young hunter to wince with every violent attempt to continue vomiting.

Finally Sams stomach had had enough, allowing the young Winchester to take deep breaths in, his lungs grateful for the oxygen they were deprived of, as he lay his head back down, not caring about the putrid mess that covered his chest.

He could hear his brothers voice once again in the distance, his soothing words helping Sam to relax, as he tried to sit up, the realization that he had not only just thrown up all over himself, but also had managed to fill Deans cupped hands with the green vomit, just beginning to sink in.

"Sorry Dean" the younger hunter managed weakly, still hiccupping.

"What for this?! Please Sammy you've done worse than this before."

Sam tried to smile, to joke back, but his stomach felt like it was gearing up for round two. He watched as the nurse come in and started to clean up the mess he had made, providing Dean with a towel and plastic bag to clean up his own hands. The young Winchester wanted to move, to help out; by he could do nothing, his body not ready to respond to any of his commands just yet, still gaining its strength back.

His brother and the nurse worked together to remove the vomit covered blanket, the nurse placing a new blanket at the end of the bed, along with a set of gowns that Sam could change into. The hunter sighed inwardly, he was going to have one hell of a time changing into those gowns, and he wasn't looking forward to the nurse, or Dean for that matter, seeing his frail, sick body.

Dean noticed his brothers uncomfortable stare at the gowns, his younger brother had always been the more reserved Winchester of the family.

"Thanks for the help, but I can take it from here" He said politely, not wanting Sam to think that he noticed the stare, not wanting his brother to feel shame for his insecurities.

"Are you sure?" the nurse replied, not surprised, most patients didn't enjoy having help being changed, one of the few things that separated them from the completely dependent.

"Ya don't worry about it"

The nurse just nodded, smiling at the two boys as she checked Sam's IV before she left. "Almost done" she said cheerily, hoping to get the young boy on the bed to have some sort of positive acknowledgement, to bring back some sort of life to the young mans dark eyes, knowing vomiting was never a pleasant thing in general, let alone on treatment.

"Good" was the only weak response she received from the young man, as she closed the curtains around the bed, offering some privacy to the two boys.

Dean worked quickly, spreading the gown on the bed, wanting to get the clothes off of his brother, the putrid smell strong enough to make Dean gag from the other side of the room; he couldn't even imagine how his brother was handling the smell so close to his face.

"Okay Sammy, lets do this with out getting any more of that nasty shit on you."

Sam just nodded as his brother propped his bed up and looked at the mess on his chest. Noticing that the new port was posing its first problem, although the shirt could be removed from his body, there was no way to remove the shirt from the IV line that hung from his chest, not until the IV was disconnected from the port. He could see the hesitation in Deans face while looking at the foreign object in Sams chest, having tried to ignore the port as much as he could, not wanting to watch when Sam was first connected, not wanting to watch his brothers blood be drawn back to test that the port wasn't clogged.

Sam knew his brother wasn't one to shy away from blood, but he saw his brother's form waver for the first time at the sight of the needle going into Sams chest, and he hated that he did that to his brother.

"Well Sammy, lets try this out" Dean choked out, not wanting to go near the port, but trying to show that it didn't bother him, he tried to smile at his younger brother, tried to be optimistic, but how could he when his pale, bald brother was laying in a hospital bed covered in his own vomit.

"You know Dean… I can do it." Came Sam's weak voice.

"Come on Sammy, consider this one of those chick flick brother moments that you tend to always want to have." Dean replied stepping closer to his brother.

"No…please Dean… just… I can do it" Sam said tears forming in the corners of his eyes at the thought of his brother seeing his body, the body he was so ashamed of.

Silence came between the boys, neither one knowing what to say, both feeling their worlds crumbling around them, but neither one knowing how to stop the pieces from falling.

"Sure Sam" Dean finally managed handing the clothes over to his brothers trembling hands, "Just call if you need anything"

Sam nodded, accepting the clothes, watching Dean leave, tears falling freely as a small sob followed, the dark hole in his soul growing larger with every tear that fell.

Dean heard the sob, heard his brothers quiet crying, every part of him wanting to tear back through the curtains to help him, but he couldn't bring himself to face his brother.

Anger building with every sob he heard from his little brother, he turned away from the curtain, quickly walking out of the room and down the hall, not stopping until he reached the small one person washroom. His anger spilling out, his fists clenched so tight he could feel his nails biting into his skin.

"**Dammit!**" he screamed, his own tears beginning to fall, as he took his anger out on the bathroom wall, punching frantically against the painted cement wall, not feeling the pain in his knuckles as he slowly slumped against the cool wall, wanting nothing more than to go and pack Sam's things back up and take his younger brother back onto the road, back to where things weren't so confusing, but he couldn't, he was stuck, completely helpless.

"Dean?"

The older Winchester hastily wiped his eyes, cursing that he hadn't locked the door.

"Get outta here Sammy, can't take a piss with you standing over me, you know, stage fright and all"

Sam didn't smile.

"Dean" came the quiet voice once more, the younger Winchester stepping forward causing Dean to step back, a look of hurt flashing through Sams eyes.

"I won't hurt you" he whispered weakly, "and you won't hurt me"

Dean was stunned and confused by Sams words, "What the hell are you talking about Sam?"

"Dean, listen, I may look like I'm going to croak any minute"

"Don't say that"

"I didn't say I'm going to, just that I look like I'm going to. Dean I know this is hard, but I'm not going anywhere, if the demon can't take me, then neither can this."

Silence once coming between the boys once more, both thinking the same thing, 'But what if it does?' but neither articulating their biggest fear.

"Its not your fault either" Sam whispered once more, taking another step towards his shaking older brother. 'Be Strong for him' he chanted, glad that Dean didn't shy away from his touch.

"There's nothing you could have done to stop this"

"Ya, and there's nothing I can do to help you" Dean said, trying to fight back the waver in his voice, and still the tears that started to fall again.

Sam stared at his brothers pained eyes, amazed at the amount of emotion that seemed to be rolling through him, "You've already done so much, I don't know how I would have lasted this long without you"

"I'm not as strong as you think I am"

"Whoever said I thought you were strong?"

Dean's smile shone through his tears, "Stronger than you IV boy"

Sam laughed, "IV boy? So that's the name I've acquired" he said laughing, the shrill beeping of the IV ringing off the walls of the small washroom.

"Yup, there's your beeper IV boy, time to get you back" Dean replied opening the door for his brother who pushed his IV stand along with him.

"Can't I have a better name?" the younger Winchester whined, glad to see Dean smiling again.

"Nope IV boy suits you" Dean replied placing a hand on Sam's shoulder, leading him back to the Daycare, giving it a small squeeze as the entered the room once more, both brothers feeling like they had glued a little piece of their world back on.

**AN: Okay I have officially figured out the next few chapters, I hope you enjoyed, and the next chapter will be up.**

_**Read and Review!**_


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Thanks to charmed for betaing this for me so quick._ Italics means its a dream_**

**And thanks to everyone who reviewed, and all though there aren't all that many reviews there have been lots of hits on the new chapter so all those reading thanks so much for reading and I hope your still enjoying!**

**_Read and Review!_**

**ENJOY**

The cool winter air stung Sam's face as he walked to the Impala, his hand hugging softly over his stomach, there was no way around it, he felt like complete shit. The bought of vomiting in the hospital continued once at home, and had been progressing throughout the night.

He groaned as he sat in the car, his hand brushing against the small piece of IV that was attached to the butterfly needle that was hanging freely from his chest, tugging every so often.

"You okay there Sam?"

The young hunter just nodded, not liking the idea of opening his mouth when bile still sat in his tender sore throat.

Dean didn't pressure his brother. He knew Sam felt like shit, hell he had heard it throughout the night, staying up with Sam as he lay on the bathroom floor with nothing but a blanket over his small form, shivering and sweating beyond control.

Dean knew that vomiting was something to be expected with chemotherapy, but he hadn't expected it to be so violent so early in the treatment, 'what, you thought it was just going to be easy?' he thought harshly as another groan came from his brother as the car started down the road. Pity for his brother coming over him once again, 'say something, anything' he thought to himself, his eyes shifting from the road to his brother, his mind trying to think of the right words to say to give him the strength to go on.

But nothing, nothing popped out, his mind completely blank, it seemed to be the normal thing now a days. Much different than how his life with his brother used to be.. Before he would have known what to say to Sammy to comfort him in any situation, to offer hope when no hope seemed to be left. But this, this was something that even made Dean feel helpless, the failure to protect his brother ate at his heart, his soul.

The older Winchester turned his attention back to the road, glad that they were almost at the hospital. His thoughts lingering back to a few weeks before this had all happened. Thinking back to how sick Sam had looked, how pale his complexion had become, how little he had eaten, how the coughing had been so violent, and of course, how Dean had ignored it all. Dismissing his brother's sickness as nothing but a common cold, condemning his brother to a quiet death if the tumor hadn't have been found.

"Almost there Sammy" Dean said as his brother groaned once more.

**WAITING ROOM**

The room was busy for such an ungodly hour, everyone wanting to get their names in quickly so they could enjoy the comforts of the few beds in the daycare.

Dean stood in the line, quietly brooding while Sam had quickly made his way to the waiting room. Desperately seeking a seat, wanting nothing more than to just get off his feet, every step he took causing his stomach to toss and turn violently like an ocean on a stormy day.

The young Winchester sat in a far corner, trying to get away from the other patients in the small room, and yet still in an area where he could see his older brother.

Smacking his lips as he felt his saliva building up in the back of his throat, quickly filling up in his mouth as he swallowed it back, fighting the sign of impending vomiting. He quickly reached into his pocket, bringing out a jolly rancher candy, unwrapping it and popping it into his mouth, relishing in the taste. He had found out last night that by doing something as simple as sucking on a candy it fought the nausea, settling his stomach ever so slightly.

Curling up into the corner, resting his head against the warm wall, his eyes closing, his sleep deprived body screaming for rest, but his nauseous stomach keeping his mind alert. He fought for the sleep he craved but it was a battle he couldn't win.

He sat silently, unsure of how much time had passed, opening his eyes only as he felt a person sit beside him on the couch. He turned, expecting to see his brother's concerned eyes staring back at him, but instead was met with the gaze of an elderly lady, whom, if she wouldn't have spoken then, Sam would have thought she was senile.

"I hope you don't mind me sitting here?"

Sam wanted to say yes, that the old bag was in Deans spot, but he just shook his head.

"Oh good" Smiled the old lady, her bald head gleaming in the light of the room, the effects of the chemo leaving the tell tale signs in her features. "My name is Florence"

Sam couldn't help but smile back, feeling oddly comfortable in the woman's presence.

"Hey, the names Sam"

"Oh what a nice name, for a handsome young man"

The young hunter scoffed, 'Handsome? The old lady was obviously blind.'

"Now Sam, don't you think that you aren't handsome, with your striking features, and your eyes that show so much emotion… like two gateways to your soul."

Sam shuddered slightly, the woman's words comforting, taking away the negativity that had etched its way into Sam's soul, "Thanks?"

"Oh Sweet Cheeks, you don't need to thank me for stating the obvious. You've always been good looking"

"What do you mean?"

"Sam, honey, do you believe in reincarnation?"

The woman's words echoed in his mind, 'reincarnation?' panic settling in, the comfort from the woman diminishing, "No, I don't believe in that, why are you asking me that?"

"Well Sweet Pea, you're traveling down a familiar road, and you have to be very strong while you take this long journey" She said slowly, getting up, the young mans panic evident in his shaking voice, it was still too soon.

"What do you mean?"

"Now Sam, don't you worry, everything will work out in time" she replied as she brushed a hand across the young hunters face, calming the young mans nerves instantly, "I'll come back and we can talk a little later, but until then you take care of yourself and that brother of yours."

Leaving Sam speechless , he watched her leave the room. Leaning his head back, a sense of comfort coursed through his weak frail body as he felt another person sit next to him again. Looking up he was glad to see the face of his brother, his brother oblivious to the conversation Sam had just had.

**IN THE DAYCARE**

The whole signing in process was much easier, especially since Sam was already connected to his port, making it quick to hook him up to another IV and send him on his way to the daycare.

Giving him the opportunity to have his choice of which bed he wanted to lay in since he was the first in the room, he opted for the bed in the far corner, wanting to be away from most of the patients just like in the waiting room.

He walked over slowly, his brother moving his IV for him as he walked behind him. Finally reaching the bed, the young hunter was happy to finally be able to lay down again, bringing the warm blankets around himself, the chills still deep within his bones. Getting comfortable once more on the hospital, preparing himself for another long three hour day. His hand subconsciously moving to lay across his stomach, the nausea back once more, the thought of having more chemo bringing it back with a vengeance.

The young hunter watched as Dean plugged his IV into the wall, settling down in the chair beside Sam's bed once more. Sam closed his eyes, smiling as he felt his brother bring the blankets up around his face, tucking it in around his body, something his brother had never dared to even think about doing since the two boys were young.

"Dean?"

"Ya Sammy?"

"Do you believe in reincarnation?"

"W-what?" Dean stumbled at the randomness of the question, "Why are you asking me this?"

"Its nothing, just something some old lady mentioned to me in the waiting room."

"Dude…what old lady?"

"I think her name was Florence, she sat beside me while you were in line"

"Dude… I didn't see any old lady with you"

Sam yawned as the drugs kicked in once again, "Well she was there" he said as his eyelids began to get heavy,as he tried to fight the impending sleep.

Dean saw his brothers struggle to stay awake, putting a hand on his shoulder, "Hey, try and get some sleep Sammy"

"Its Sam" the young hunter replied, relaxing under his brother touch as his eyes shut, his breathing relaxed, and his hand remained over his stomach.

_It was a familiar feeling, the pain in his stomach, his lungs rattling with every breath he took. Heavy blankets around him, the mattress he lay on lumpy and uncomfortable. He could feel the sweat on his body soaking through the thin clothes that covered him._

_His eyes fluttering open as he felt a hand on his forehead, "Dean?" he whispered, coughing, feeling the copper tasting liquid slip through his dry lips._

_"No my boy, but your brother is right here, just keep still"_

_Sam began to struggle, never one to listen to anyone but Dean. His sudden movements causing him to cry out, the copper taste of blood in his mouth once again, causing the young hunter to gag on the putrid fluid, coughing once more, feeling the blood dripping slowly from his lips onto his chin._

_Another hand came to his rescue, wiping the blood from his chin, his brother's whispered words calming him._

_Looking up at his brother, his eyes went wide at the sight of him. His normally blond hair was covered by a white curly wig, if he didn't feel like his lungs were falling apart, he would have laughed, the best he could do was let a small smile settle over his thin lips._

_Another coughing attack racked through his body, sharp pain emanating from his lungs as he struggled to breathe through the blood but failing miserably._

_Deans voice broke through the pain, "Shhh Sam, just rest"_

_"You won't leave?" Sam whispered, feeling the death start to creep up on him once more, its cold fridget hand hovering over his pale face._

_"I'll never leave you Sam, I'll be waiting for the day when I get to see you again, just promise you won't leave me" Dean replied, tears of frustration and dispair running openly down his cheeks, grasping at Sam, "Please, don't leave Sam, I'm lost without you"_

_Sam could feel the tears start to fall down his cheeks as his brother sobbed, grasping frantically at what little life Sam had left. "I'll always be with you Dean" he whispered, his breath hitching as his chest became heavy, his eyes closing, his last thoughts were of his older brother pulling him off the bed into his arms, his wailing cries the last thing Sam heard._

_'I'm sorry Dean' Sam thought as the life left him once again, leaving him falling in the darkness._

"Sam?"

His brother's voice breaking through the darkness, his voice sounding so far away as Sam finally found a light at the end of the darkness. Slowly walking towards it, his brothers cries getting louder.

"Sam!"

The young hunters eyes snapped open, looking up at his brother whose eye's were wide and his face full of concern.

"Dean?" he said weakly, feeling the heat rushing off his flushed face.

"Ya, its okay Sammy, the nurse is here"

"What?"

"You're having an allergic reaction to the Etoposide, it's a common occurrence with this drug" the nurse explained to both brothers, "I'm just going to slow your drip a little bit, but if you feel anything out of the ordinary you must come and get a nurse immediately."

"Of course" Dean replied, still hovering over Sams bed as he watched the nurse leave.

"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly, glad to see the red in Sam's face begin to fade.

"Ya I'm fine"

The older Winchester didn't buy it, he knew something was up besides the fact that he was having an allergic reaction, "Spill bro, I know you were having a nightmare, no secrets Sam, not now"

Sam sighed, he really did not want to relive his nightmare, but he knew he couldn't lie to Dean, "I… I just had a dream, but it didn't make any sense" he rambled out, taking a deep breath, "You were in it, and I was sick, and I died… Dean, it felt so real" he finished, not wanting to look up at his brother, not wanting to see how his brother was going to react to the dream.

"Sam, it's just a dream" he said quietly, placing his hand over his brother's.

"Since when do I just have a dream?" Sam spat out, not meaning for it to sound spiteful, but not being able to stop himself.

"What did I tell you Sam? As long as you're with me, nothing bad is going to happen to you."

Sam didn't respond, he just lay there, thinking about how Dean was in his dream and he couldn't save him no matter how hard he had tried.

"I'm going for something to eat" Dean said suddenly, wanting to get out of the room, "You want anything?" Sam just shook his head.

Dean nodded walking out of the room, his nerves frayed at his brothers dream, not knowing what to do. He passed the cafeteria and walked outside, reaching for is cell phone, dialing robotically, waiting for an answer.

"This is John Winchester…" his father's answering machine picking up.

"Dad?" Dean sobbed.

"Please… umm.. me and Sam we need you really bad right now, please… call me back" he begged, shutting the phone, slumping to the ground, the thought of losing Sam still fresh in his mind.

_**AN: Hope you enjoyed next update soon, I'm going to try for a Wednesday update... maybe Tuesday if I'm in a good mood lol **_

_**Read and Review!**_


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Sorry short chapter, the next one should be up by the latest Sunday, maybe Saturday depends on how I feel after work. **

**Thanks for the wonderful reviews and all the hits on the chapter, you really inspired me to get moving with this story. **

**THANKS to Charmed once again for the wonderful beta work, I don't know how I survived without a beta before**

**_Read and Review_**

**ENJOY**

Another month had gone by and Sam's body was continuously showing more and more side effects from the chemotherapy.

His lean frame becoming gaunt looking from the constant nausea, yet his cheek's were swollen from the steroids. His joints in constant piercing pain from the stress of the treatments. His enemies changing from the usual spirits and demons to the germs of everyday life. It was official, Sam was a full fledge cancer patient, nothing remained of the life he used to live. Everything had been wiped away,his dreams of a normal life, his desires. The disease had even taken his pride and his soul, nothing remained intact.

His tired body lay on the small couch in the living room with his knee's pulled into his chest just so he could fit on the small uncomfortable couch, while his body tried to continue functioning while it bottomed out. His hips had become painfully sore from constantly laying on one side or the other, his back too tender for any pressure on it.

He had noticed a disturbing itch on his back a few days ago, when he had looked there were two small red spots side by side. Thinking they were just bug bites he quickly dismissed them as nothing. Now a few days later he was beginning to wish he hadn't dismissed them so quickly for now there were not only two spots, but several adorning his back.The dark crimson red marks sent fear racing through his heart.At first they had just itched, but as the days went by the intense burning pain made it impossible to wear anything but loose clothing which still added no comfort.

The young hunter hissed in agony as he shifted, rubbing his back against the couch as he slowly got up. Shuffling slowly to the bathroom, feeling as if his bones were breaking with each agonizing step he took, sighing in relief when he finally reached his destination.

Shutting the door quietly he turned the lock so he wouldn't have any unwelcome visitors. He slowly started peeling his shirt off inch by inch cringing as it stuck to the middle of his back. Finally pulling the shirt over his head he turned to look at his back in the mirror. He couldn't help but stare in horror as he noticed that his 'bug bites' had popped, becoming raw open wounds while others of them were scabbing over. "Shit, well that's not normal" he muttered as he saw a few more scarlet spots appearing on his back.

"Sammy?"

Sam turned towards the door, carefully putting his shirt back on. Flushing the toilet so Dean would assume what he was just going , he didn't want to alarm his brother of this new development for he worried too much already.

"All yours" he mumbled, shuffling past his brother, back to the couch.

Dean couldn't help but notice the pain Sam was in, his movements slow, the agony showing in his hazel eyes. The plain Tylenol was just not working for the pain anymore, his Sammy needed something more.

"Okay, I'm going to go get some of your prescriptions filled" the older hunter said as he helped Sam sit back down, wincing as he heard his younger brother's bones crack, it was as if his brother had aged 100 years in the matter of two months.

"Okay" Sam replied as he lay back on his right side, facing the small television.

"I'll be back soon Sammy."

Sam watched as his brother left, taking a deep breath, trying to keep all the pain inside as a tear escaped. The pain making it impossible to keep the tears from falling down his swollen cheek's, the never-ending torture he was forced to endure day after day.

**SOMETIME LATER**

A loud knocking at the door finally stirred Sam from his slumber. He wasn't sure how long he was out for, but it was long enough that the burning pain had returned in his hip, causing him to limp more than usual as he slowly made his way to the front door.

The loud banging continued, "Ok Ok, I'm coming" Sam mumbled, annoyed at the person's persistence. Finally reaching the door, his eye's looked at the shadow of the figure through the glass, 'It can't be' he thought to himself as he slowly unlocked and opened the door, his eye's meeting the intense glare from his father.

'Oh shit' he thought to himself, fear engulfing his small figure, his hands starting to shake as he tried to find his voice.

"D-d-dad?"

**AN: I know its super short, but the next chapter should be up Sunday, maybe sat. **

**Thanks for reading!**

**_Read and Review_**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Thanks for all the kind reviews, you all helped me push through and get this up today. I hope you enjoy his chapter, still not extremely long, but a little longer than the last. Thanks charmed once again for wonderful betaing! **

_**Read and Review**_

**Disclaimer: See Chapter one**

**ENJOY**

John had been driving in his truck when he had gotten the call from Father Jim that his boys had taken up residence in one of the various safe houses that the priest had set up across the country. Father Jim had always had houses set up for hunters who were looking for a semi permanent place, either to rest or to heal. John hadn't thought much of it when he had gotten the call from Jim, knowing that Dean knew about the houses and that his boys had just needed some time to get back on their feet after a hunt.

John didn't like the fact that his boys were taking time off the road but he thought, for the first time in his life, he would let it pass. He would let the boys have a week to themselves and then they would be up and ready to go back on the road.

But the week slowly turned into two weeks, and then three, and John was getting somewhat agitated. He was tempted to call his boys and give them the bitching of a life time, but he couldn't bring himself to phone them. Not after cutting off all forms of communication with them well over a year ago, no he thought, he would give it a little more time, and if they weren't out and back to doing what they do best in another week, then he would go on his rampage.

Well that week had come and gone, and when John had received word that his boys were still in the small house, he thought he was going to explode from all the raging anger building up inside him, so he picked up his keys, checked out of the dingy motel he was in and was on the road. He wasn't going to give the boys the satisfaction of just a phone bitching, no this was special; it deserved a face to face bitching.

Slowly his anger turned to worry as he received a phone call from his eldest, he watched as Deans name flashed up on his caller ID, and he waited for the ringing to stop and the message box to start blinking. He listened to his eldest, listened to the fear in his voice as he broke down on the phone. It wasn't the first time John had heard Dean holding back the tears, he had heard it when the boys had gone back to Lawrence, but this, this was different, something was off about the tone of his voice, and how he choked up at the mention of his brothers name. John's anger was slowly turning to fear as he pulled up to the small house, knowing that something was happening to his boys, but nothing could have prepared him for what greeted him at the door.

He had stood for what felt like forever, knocking at the door. He didn't just want to break into his boy's home, but he was going to have to if someone didn't answer soon. His thoughts were seemingly answered as he saw a shadow move from inside, a tall figure walked slowly towards the door. John knew it was Sam based on the height of the shadow, but something was different in how he walked, and in how his shadow looked. He tried to think of what could possibly be going on as he heard the lock click, and watched as the door slowly opened.

Now he stood face to face with this man whom he wouldn't have known was his Sammy until he heard the weak "Dad" come from the pale chapped lips. The voice resembled that of Sam's, but nothing else bore resemblance to his son.

The oldest Winchester stood in shock at the pale, bald, and thin figure standing in front of him, images of the Sam he knew flashed before his eyes.

Anger overflowing once again as he came to the conclusion that the man standing before him was not his son, "What the fuck is going on?" he seethed, watching as the thing in front of him just stood there, shell shocked.

"Where are my sons?" he demanded, looking around the tall figure in the doorway, still not believing that this was his young, healthy, vibrant Sammy standing before him, whose eyes were sunken in and dark, resembling a reaper more than a 23 year old.

"Dad… its me" Sam said weakly, finally willing his voice to work, scared of his dad's anger, shrinking away from the towering figure in the doorway, never having felt so small before in his life.

John heard the weak voice, heard the figure say dad, but to him the voice was foreign, it wasn't his boy it couldn't be.

"Where are my sons?" he demanded once more, stepping forward, placing rough hands on Sam's shoulders as the younger Winchester tried to shrink back. John held on tightly shaking the thin fragile body violently, "Where?!" he screamed, throwing Sam savagely against the wall, watching as the boy screamed out in pain. John felt his heart break ever so slightly, at the piercing sharp scream, but he pushed it away quickly, his mind reassuring him that it wasn't his son, it wasn't his Sammy.

Tearing past the crumpled form on the floor, he began his search of the house, looking for the boys he knew were in trouble.

MEANWHILE

Dean had stayed out a little longer than he had to, knowing that his brother tended to sleep better if there was no one in the house to disturb him. But he couldn't stay out too long, he just couldn't bring himself to be away from Sam for an extended period of time, also he knew his brother needed the stronger pain meds for his joints.

As he made his way back to the house his eyes rested on the familiar black truck in the driveway, his heart sank, "Oh shit" he said, his mouth wide open as he parked beside the truck and ran out. His heart pounding as he saw the door was wide open, and Sam was crumpled on the floor, agony written across his pale features.

"Shit Sammy?"

"I'm fine, get dad, he's on a rampage" the young hunter managed to grit out, knowing the intense pain in his back could be taken care of later.

"What? No! Sam"

"Oh for Christ's sakes Dean get dad before he destroys the place! I'm fine"

Dean didn't want to leave his brother, he didn't care about his fathers rampage, Sam was more important than the fucking house.

"Dean GO!" Sam yelled, wincing once more.

The older Winchester knew his brother was stubborn and wouldn't let him look him over until he tended to they're father, so he stood up closing the front door, while listening to his father's heavy footsteps echo from within the house. "I'll be right back" he said as he moved quickly and cautiously through the hall, not sure of how angry and volatile his father was.

"Dad?" he called out, listening as the footsteps stopped.

"Dean?" came the gruff reply as the footsteps continued once more, moving closer and closer to where Dean stood until father and son were face to face.

"Where's Sam?"

Dean just looked at his father, anger and pain hidden in his fathers brown eyes, something Dean hadn't seen since the day his mother died.

"Dad… he's here" The younger hunter replied, looking over at Sam, who was still slumped against the wall.

"THAT… That is not my son" John replied, pointing at a dejected looking Sam.

"My Sam has hair, he's strong and athletic, a born hunter, that… that is not my Sam"

"HEY" Dean yelled blocking his father's vision of his brother, his father's strong words stinging Dean; he couldn't even imagine how Sam felt.

"Don't talk about him like that ever!" his rage at his father evident in his voice, not caring that his father was in shock over the situation, no one ever spoke about his Sammy like that.

A weak voice suddenly broke the tension, "Dean"

Both men turned to look at Sam, "Its okay" he continued as he got up, feeling his back begin to ooze, new 'bites' having opened, the burning sensation amplifying as he stood up straight.

"Dad, we need to talk, but I think you should sit" Sam said with sad eyes, as the realization that he was a disappointment once again to the Winchester family.

**AN: Well you know the drill hopefully another chapter will be up at the latest Thursday… the earliest Wednesday, maybe Tuesday, but I'm really trying to shoot for Wednesday.**

**_Read and Review! _**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: I am SO sorry, things came up, and writing had to take a step back, it is a longer chapter so I hope that makes up for it! Again sorry!**

**Thanks so much again Charmed for the wonderful beta work, and for putting up with how long it took me to write this!**

_**Read and Review!**_

**Disclaimer: See Chapter one**

**ENJOY**

The small kitchen held all three Winchester men, all just staring at one another. All possessing the courage to fight demons from the gates of hell, but none having the courage to start the conversation they knew they had to have.

The shock of having they're father sitting in they're kitchen was still settling in for Sam, that coupled with his own dad's denial of him as his son was really starting to wear on the youngest Winchester. But as much as he needed to go and lay back down, he knew he had to suck it up and have this conversation with his dad. He was already a disappointment in the family; he didn't need to be officially disowned as well.

Sam sighed as he brought his eyes up to his father who didn't seem to be blinking, 'That can't be normal' he thought shaking his head as he found the courage to open his mouth, "Dad"

Sam watched as his father visibly flinched after he spoke, "It's still me, I'm still your Sammy, still your son, I'm just a little sick right now."

"A little?" John suddenly spoke up, his face showing no emotion as he watched his son plead in front of him.

"Jesus Sam, looking like death doesn't constitute as being a little sick" John couldn't help but question if the boy in front of him was his, couldn't help the denial that had firmly set its place in his mind. But he knew enough to sit and listen to the boy plead his case to him, to try and convince him that he was in fact Sam.

Dean looked up, his father's denial was something he hadn't been counting on, he knew his dad was going to be pissed, but he didn't think he would outright deny Sammy, and deny everything that was going on. He knew there was a little bit of concern hidden in his fathers gruff demeanor, he just had to find it.

"What do you have?"

Deans eyes widened at his father's abrupt question, the man went from not acknowledging Sam to wanting to know what he had… the man was confusing at the best of times and this was no exception. He watched as his brother squirmed at his father's question, he wanted desperately to fix the situation he had caused, all he had to do was speak up, but when it came to actually using his voice he failed miserably, "Dad, Sam has…" He couldn't say it, couldn't say the dreaded "C" word, couldn't say it out loud, instead he left an uncomfortable silence in its wake, a silence that his brother was forced to fill, being the only one who could admit to what was going on.

Sam watched as his father's shoulder's slumped, a loud sigh escape his lips preparing for the news, "Dad I have Cancer."

John's stomach sank, he had thought that was what was wrong, but to actually hear it out of Sam's mouth was heart wrenching, he could save Sam from demons, but he knew he couldn't save him from this; his youngest was on his own for this one.

"But its cureable" Sam filled in quickly, "In six months I'll be back on my feet, it's no big deal."

"Sam, don't say it's no big deal," Dean suddenly spoke up, "no big deal is when you fart when someone's eating, or when you accidentally drop a deuce in a public washroom, cancer and the phrase 'no big deal' don't belong together"

"Do you always have to be so vulgar?" Sam stated, turning towards his brother, anger in his eyes, "I'm the one with the cancer Dean and if I say it's no big deal, then it's no big deal," he said turning back to his father, "And that's why we didn't tell you dad, it wasn't worth the worrying or having you stop the hunt for the demon"

Sam hoped that his father would share the same view, that the Demon was more important than the little roadblock he had come across. But as he watched his father's facial expressions turn from lax to anger he realized that they had never gotten along before, why would this be any different.

"So, you were going to let not only me, but your brother, live with the guilt of not telling me? Hell Sammy, if it wouldn't have been for your brother's call I would have never shown up here, and what if something happened?" John was on his feet now, his anger had resurfaced at the thought of losing his youngest, he knew that he was coming anyways and would have found out even if Dean hadn't called, but his boys didn't need to know that, and hell he was pissed.

"Damn it Sam, I might not have ever known you were even sick, I would have just gotten a phone call from your brother saying you died, do you honestly think that's fair? You may not think I love you boys but I do, and I'm not sure where you boys get off not telling me something like this"

Sam couldn't believe they're father was bringing up the word fair, and in any other case he would have fought back, would have challenged his father, but his body just wasn't into fighting as much as it used to be. So instead he sat there and took it, took more of his father's hurtful words as he watched him pace around the kitchen, until he finally picked up his keys.

Both brothers watched John storm through the kitchen, keys in hand, neither one able to move, they're father's anger paralyzing them to where they were, both flinching as the front door slammed shut.

The sound of the truck's engine rumbled throughout the house, John wasted no time in getting away from his sons as he sped down the street, he needed time to think, time to process what the hell was going on, leaving his boys to deal with his outburst.

"You told him?" Sam asked, not looking at Dean.

"Sam"

"You said you wouldn't"

"He would have found out eventually"

"Doesn't matter, you promised"

Dean couldn't help but flinch at his brothers angry cold words, "Sam, he needed to know, I didn't think he would actually come here"

"How could you tell him Dean? You promised not to!" Sam yelled, ignoring his brother's words

"Sam we need him here.**_ I_** need him here" Dean yelled back, not wanting to argue with his brother whose face was flushing.

"How the hell am I supposed to trust you now Dean?"

"Oh don't give me that bull shit! You may be okay with all this, you may not think it's a big deal, but I'm not okay Sam, and I do think it's a big deal" Dean continued, his voice cracking, "Jesus Sammy, I could lose you, and I'm not okay with that"

Sam wanted to be angry with his brother, but the sadness in his brother's usually strong voice deterred his anger, how could he be angry with the only person who was there for him, so he pushed the anger in, turning it on himself. He was causing his brother so much pain, and he was too much of a selfish prick to realize his brother was hurting more than he thought, sure he knew Dean was hurting, but he didn't know Dean was scared of the treatment's failing and him leaving his brother alone, not able to protect him was failure in his brother's eyes.

"This is bull" the young hunter said, wanting to storm off, but his body wouldn't allow for theatrics anymore, instead he opted for an angry scowl. His mouth the only thing on him that wasn't in excruciating pain, and he slowly got up and made his way out of the room, not wanting to cause Dean any more pain with his presence.

"Sam" the older hunter called out, receiving no answer as his brother shuffled out of the room. Dean watched his brother's retreating form, a frown settling over his features as he noticed the yellow and red marks on Sam's back for the first time.

Quickly catching up to his younger brother, placing a hand on his shoulder. Frowning as his brother tried to flinch away, he just placed a firmer but gentle grip on his shoulder, feeling Sam tense but not fight back.

"Sam, what's up with your back?" he asked, as he pulled the t-shirt fabric that was stuck to his younger brother's back, causing his brother to hiss in pain.

"What the hell is going on Sammy?"

"Nothing"

"Oh yeah, is that why your back is pussing out all over your shirt? Just your natural oils seeping through?"

"Fuck off Dean it's nothing"

"Sam come on, let me see what's going on" Dean continued, slowly lifting his brother's shirt up.

Sam wanted to tell him to stop, but the burning had become unbearable since he hit the wall, so instead he waited for his brother's reaction. '3…2…1…'

"Holy shit Sammy, what the hell is going on with your back?"

"I thought it was just a bug bite, but then it kinda popped"

"Well shit Sam, you can't even get bit by a bug normally now a days can you?" Dean said, trying to laugh, to lighten the mood, to calm himself down as his mind raced, trying to remember where he had put the number for the doctor. Sam needed to be looked at.

"Yeah well you know me" he replied, hissing in pain once again as Dean put the t-shirt back down, "They burn like a bitch too"

"Yeah they look like they would burn, no worries Sam we'll figure this out" Dean said as he helped Sam back to the couch, laying him back down on his side while he went and packed an overnight bag, just in case. The bites concerned Dean, he had never seen anything like them, most of them were very red and raw, while a few had yet to burst. His father seemingly forgotten for the time being, all he cared about right now was getting Sam in to see the doctor, the drama with they're father could wait until later.

**TWO HOURS LATER**

Once Dean had made the call and explained the situation to the Doctor, they had immediately gone to the hospital, the "bites" being a big concern especially since a few were now considered open wounds. The doctor had an idea of what the bites could possibly be and had told Dean to tell the nurses that Sam was going to have to be put in a private waiting room away from the other patients.

So that is where the two brothers sat, staring at the TV that hung on the wall, both waiting for Sam's doctor to come in and explain what was going on, an uncomfortable silence lingering in the air.

"So… I have shingles"

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious numb nuts. How about next time you have oozing sores on your back you let me know a little sooner, you talk about trust little brother but it goes both ways."

Sam sighed; Dean had every right to be angry with him just like he had every right to be angry at Dean for phoning they're father.

The day had been a whirlwind of emotions for both of the boys, between they're dad showing up, and having to go to the hospital, they were both drained, physically and emotionally. Both praying for the day to be over, neither one excited about the possibility of meeting up with they're father.

"Have you heard from dad?" Sam asked, trying his hand at having a conversation once more.

"Nah, but I left a note at the house; if he goes back he'll know where we are."

"Listen Dean… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have ignored my back, I should have told you, and I had no right to freak out on you about dad. I'm not the only one dealing with this, and I know that now. I just really thought I could handle this without dad, without him knowing"

Dean sighed at his brother's stubborn attitude, "Sam, I know you are strong, and you can handle this, but humor me okay, we don't even know if dad is going to stay yet, but I'm glad he knows, it's better this way… trust me"

Sam just nodded, of course he would trust his brother, how couldn't he, even after his outburst over they're dad he would have trusted his brother with his life, nothing could take that away.

"But, Sammy, No more chick flick moments, we've had way to many of those lately, pretty soon I'm gonna start growing and losing things that I don't wanna lose or grow, and I wouldn't be happy"

Sam smiled, accepting his brother's hidden apology and reconciliation, "Jerk"

"Bitch"

And with those few words the tension between the brothers seemingly lifted, just in time as the doctor walked in, test results in her hands and a smile on her face.

"Hello Sam and Dean, I wish I could see you on better terms, I heard you have some spots on your back?"

The young hunter just nodded, he wasn't a naturally shy person, but when it came to talking with the doctor, he was afraid to open his mouth. Afraid they would find something else wrong with him.

"Well why don't you take off your shirt, so I can take a look at the sores, The nurse was already in and your test results are back, but I'd still like to take a peak."

Sam nodded as he slowly started to take off his shirt, wincing as the material stuck to his back ever so slightly, causing Dean to get to his feet and help Sam bring the shirt over his head.

The older hunter watched the doctor's face, she tried to hide her shock, but Dean could see it in her eyes, she was not happy about how far Sam had let his back get.

"Well, Sam, it's definitely the shingles" she sighed scanning his back, glad it was only a small case, "Have you had the chicken pox Dean?"

"What? Why?"

"Well Shingles is a form of the chicken pox virus. See when a person has chicken pox, the shingles virus is left behind, and it usually stays dormant, usually rearing its ugly head when a person's immune system is weak, like Sam's. Now if you have had Chicken pox, then shingles isn't contagious, but if you haven't, then you have to be careful, because although you won't get shingles, you will get the chicken pox, and at your age it wouldn't be a pleasant experience."

"Yeah, no worries, I've had the chicken pox" Dean said smiling, noticing the questioning glare he received from Sam who kept his mouth shut about his brother's lie.

"Good, but Sam, when you're in the hospital around other patients you have to remember to wear your mask, at least for today. Hopefully by the time your back in you won't be contagious. But Sam" she said turning a serious note, "You have to realize that you can't ignore your body anymore, if you think something is off, you have to say something. Something like this could kill you, and if your blood counts were below .05 then I'd be admitting you, but you got lucky, you're at .07, just please, don't let this happen again."

Sam just nodded, he could care less what the doctor was saying, all he heard was that he wasn't going to be admitted, and that's all he cared about.

"Yeah, don't worry, I won't let it happen again"

The Doctor looked at Dean, she had been hoping for a response from Sam, but it seemed the young man was slowly shutting himself off from the outside world, 'maybe hiding from his problems?' she thought as she smiled, looking at Sam once more before she turned to leave, "We'll see you in about a week Sam… Dean, take care"

Both brothers watched the small doctor leave, as soon as the door shut they gathered their things, wanting nothing more than to go home and get out of the hospital.

Sam placed the mask back over his face, cringing, "Maybe you should go to a hotel for tonight, just until I'm not contagious anymore, because I KNOW you haven't had the chicken pox"

"You don't know shit Sammy, and my body is way too good for the chicken pox, my rock solid physique deflects the virus away, you should know that, I don't get sick"

"Whatever man, but if you get the chicken pox don't blame me"

"Yeah right, come on mask man, lets get the hell out of here, and you know the green in the mask really compliments your eyes, and hides your face, it's a good look for you"

"Shut up"

Both brothers left smiling, one with a broad smile on his face, the other with his smile hidden, but the light had returned to his once dull and lifeless eyes. Both briefly forgetting the depressing situation, and the father they had yet to confront once more.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It was starting to get dark out, and John had been driving around aimlessly, his eyes on the road but his thought's miles away. His boys were hurting and all he could do was drive, as if he drove long enough his problems would be left behind.

In a sense, just doing what he does best, doing the very thing he had done since the day Mary had died, driving around till his mind went foggy and his problems were lost in the mist.

It wasn't until his eye caught sight of a small coffee shop, shining like a beacon through the thick mist, that he finally decided to pull over.

Shutting the engine off, he slowly walked over, feeling more at home with every step he took to the small restaurant. Feeling drawn to the small, humble design, suddenly craving a coffee and a slice of pecan pie as he settled in a seat at the front booth. Smiling at the dark haired waitress, causing her to blush, it was just natural Winchester charm that was stronger than even Dean's charm when John decided to use it.

"Hi, I was wondering if I could get some coffee, and do you have Pecan Pie?"

The waitress just nodded

"I'll have a piece of that as well"

John felt strangely at home, letting his guard down for the first time since meeting up with his boys, his stomach and mind at ease as he sipped his coffee.

"Well don't you look happy?" Came a sweet voice from beside him.

He looked up, meeting the kind brown eyes of a woman who looked to be close to Johns age, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up, in any other situation he would have put his guard up, but his mind was just too at ease to be bothered.

"Yeah, well you know, I'm not sure why, my boys are in some trouble, and I think I may have fucked up" The words just seemed to flow out of his mouth, he never talked about his family to anyone, but he couldn't help it, and it didn't bother him in the least.

"Hmmm, well sounds like your in a bit of a pickle, mind if I sit here?" she motioned to the empty chair beside John, who just shook his head.

"Now, what's this about your boys?" She said kindly, her warm eyes never leaving John's frightened eyes.

"My youngest is sick, and not just a cold sick, he has cancer… Cancer! Can you believe it, Sam has got to be one of the healthiest kids I've ever seen, and he has cancer, my baby boy."

"Well, that's just awful; it's such an awful disease"

"Awful? You want to hear awful? I see him for the first time, and I don't believe it's him, you know, it took me two minutes to disown my own son, when I should have been there for him" John could feel himself starting to choke up at the thought of what he had done.

"You know, if it wasn't for my eldest, I don't know what I would do, I'm supposed to be the parent, the father figure, my older boy, Dean, he has the father thing down when it comes to Sammy, and it shouldn't be like that, but I'm glad it is."

He put the coffee down, he could feel and see his hand's starting to shake, causing the coffee to spill, he instead opted for clasping them together on top of the counter, to try and hide his sudden weakness.

"You know, I love my boys more than anything, but I've never been one to really get a good hold on the father thing, not since my wife died. Sometimes I feel like my boys do better without me, you know, I find out one of my boys has cancer, the other is looking for help, for reassurance, and the first thought that goes through my mind is that I should get out of town."

The older Winchester shook his head, having trouble believing his own words, looking towards the woman for some sort of help, to let him know it was okay, that everyone feels like that. But he got no response, she just sat and smiled sadly at him, her eyes full of sympathy, encouraging him to go on, to let it all out, the years of neglect and feelings of inadequacy all rolled in to the fact that he had hurt his youngest more than anything by denying him, and had hurt his oldest for failing to be there, for not being able to handle the cancer.

" I never realized I was such a bad father until I shouted the words Your not my son, to my youngest who was sitting on the floor, hurt, broken, looking up at me for help, only to have me slam a door in his face."

The tears that had welled up in John's eyes started to make their way down his red cheeks,

"I don't know what scares me more, the fact that my boys have such blind faith in me, or the fact that I can't help them when they really need it" he choked out, rubbing his hands together as the tears continued to fall.

A small hand rested over top of John's shaking hands, his tears stopped as a sense of well being filled his soul, causing him to look up at the woman who was still smiling sadly at him.

"You are a wonderful father John"

John knew he hadn't mentioned his name to the woman, but he wasn't going to question how she knew, he craved her touch, craved her words.

"I know you love those boys, I see it everyday" she continued, her eyes holding a familiar sparkle causing John's breath to hitch in his throat, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up once more. He wanted to cry, want to hold her and never let her go, but all he could do was stare, the tears had dried up, and only his whisper could be found for a voice, "Mary?"

"John"

"But Lawrence? I thought"

Mary smiled, laughing slightly at her husband's confusion, "If a demon can't tear you and the boys completely apart, then there is no way some poltergeist is going to keep me from keeping an eye on my boys"

John just stared at her, trying to take in what was happening, he had seen unbelievable things before, but this, this left him speechless.

"John, I know you're scared, but I also know how much you love our sons. You're a good father, you always have been, you've always gotten an A in my books, and I know you're scared, but there's nothing to be scared about. We can handle this together, I may not be there physically, but I am always there, watching, helping, comforting. The boys couldn't have been luckier, they may not have had the most conventional lifestyle growing up, but it was a good one. You provided them with a good and loving home wherever they were." She said as she brought her hand up to his face, enjoying the physical touch even if it was some other woman's body she had borrowed to talk to her husband.

"I'll always be there for you and the boys, and you have to be there for our sons right now, just know you're not alone, and that our boys still love you, even after your little outburst." She smiled, happy that her husband smiled back.

"I love you Mary, more than anything, and I do love those boys."

"So go to them John, they love and need you right now. I love you John, you were always so good to me, and I'll always be with you." She sighed, not wanting to leave her husband's side, but her time was up, "Now eat your pie, I know it's your favorite, and that you're a comfort eater, don't deny it" She said smiling, brushing her lips against his, waiting until he started eating his pie before walking out the door, a smile on her face, her boys were going to be ok.

**AN: Again sorry for the delay, but I hope you enjoyed it, I'm going to try and post at least once a week, but you know, I can't promise a day right now, life's a little hectic haha. **

_**Read and Review**_


	12. Chapter 12

**AN _hides behind the couch_ I'm so sorry, I feel like such a deuce, I never meant for it to take so long, but one thing after the other happened and before I knew it, it had been this long since I updated. Thank you so much for sticking around, if you are still sticking around, and thanks so much for all the reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

_**Read and Review!**_

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

**ENJOY**

The happiness the two brothers had felt in the hospital quickly disappeared as they pulled into the driveway. The familiar black truck had taken up it's space on the driveway, like a black omen, bringing discouraging thoughts to the brothers. Neither one really felt like dealing with their father's anger.

Dean was the first to walk in, there was no way he was letting Sam walk in and be subjected again with their father's hostility.

He was surprised when he saw a light on in the kitchen, a somewhat pleasant smell making its way down the hallway, "What the hell" he muttered, it smelt like they're father was cooking.

Dean walked slowly down the hall, knowingly keeping his brother behind him, protecting him for what could be in store.

"Hey" Dean called out as he saw his father over the small stove, "What's going on?"

"Well Dean, I'm making dinner, what's it look like?" John responded, not wanting to make eye contact with his son's, his shame and guilt overwhelming. His hands shaking slightly as he heard his son walk over to him.

"Ahh, I'm not sure" Dean said as he walked over and looked into the pots, looking back at Sam with fear in his eyes from the substance in the pot.

"Sam, Dean, we need to have a little talk, and when I read you were at the hospital, I thought you may be hungry when you got home"

"Thanks" Dean replied breaking his gaze from the liquid in the pot, taking a seat at the kitchen table, looking over at Sam, urging him to take a seat as well.

Sam on the other hand just wanted to go to bed, he was weak, he was tired, and he was in no mood for his father's yelling or degrading. But like any little brother would, he listened to Dean, taking his seat, wincing as his bones cracked painfully.

John was nervous, it wasn't often that he let his emotions show in front of the boys, but this was one of those times. He had screwed up and he knew it, and he felt disgusted with the way he had acted.

"Boys, I think I need to do some explaining about my reaction," he said quietly, turning to see his two sons anxious faces waiting.

"I shouldn't have freaked out like I did, Sam, you're my son, and that will never change, no illness is going to take you away from me" he said, making his way over to the table, sitting down in front of his boys.

"I'm sorry" he choked out, "I shouldn't have reacted like I did, and I hope you boys can accept my apology. But I would understand if you were upset and don't want me to stay. The only thing I ask is that I'm kept up to date on how you're BOTH doing"

Sam couldn't believe it, in all the years he had spent on the road with his father, he had never heard the word, "sorry" come out of his mouth, not even when John had screwed up on a hunt.

It was a rare occurrence, so rare that just hearing the words was enough to make Sam cry, but he held it back, he had to be strong in front of his father. His emotions towards his father being there suddenly coming through, as much as Sam hated to admit it, he wanted him there, needed him to be there, to be the father he craved for all his life.

"You can't stop hunting the Demon" were the only words that seemed to be able to roll off his tongue. "I can get over this, it's not worth stopping the hunt."

John sighed at his youngest sons response, "Sam, I know how bad you want the demon dead, hell I do too, and so does Dean. But I'm not going to leave my boys to deal with this alone, you two are all I have left."

"Dad, no… you can't stay then" Sam slumped; he could feel Dean's glare burning through him. Sam's aching soul accepted the burning gaze, he knew how much his brother wanted they're father to stick around, and he was casting him away, he deserved the pain.

John just nodded, "I won't fight with you Sam, I've fought with you all your life, and now is not the time, now your fighting for your life and giving it all that you have, but maybe we can come up with a deal of sorts."

Sam's ears perked, as much as he hated to admit it, he wanted his father to stay.

"I won't stop hunting, but if things are quiet, I want to be here, I don't want to be left in the dark, I want to help you boys."

Sam contemplated what was said, resisting the urge to just blurt out his acceptance of the deal, "Fine, but if anything comes up, you promise"

"Of course" John replied, happy to have his boys even talking to him still, but ecstatic that they would actually forgive him.

"Well, fantastic, now that this is settled, and we are all family again" Dean perked up, wanting the conversation to be over and nobody to change their minds, desperate for his father to stay, "Why don't we order out?"

"But I made something" John said pointing towards the stove.

"Yeah… so, do you want pizza? Sam how's that stomach for some pizza?"

Sam smiled, he was glad to see Dean so happy, the broken family had managed to glue itself back together, now all Sam had to worry about was gluing himself back together.

**ONE WEEK LATER**

It was once again the beginning of yet another month; the third round of treatments was eagerly waiting for Sam at the hospital down the road. All three Winchester men had settled in during the course of the week, having it so the two boys were now rooming together while their father occupied Dean's room.

"Sam, I don't care, I'm going" Came Dean's weak voice through the bathroom door.

"Dean, you can't and you know it, if you don't feel well, you can't run the risk of getting any of the patients sick."

"I'm not sick" the stubborn Winchester replied as he opened the door, revealing his surprisingly somewhat healthier looking younger brother. 'shit that's not good' Dean thought as he walked out.

"You look worse than me" Sam replied as Dean walked past him, he could feel the heat radiating off of Dean, his brother's physical appearance had weakened over the last 24 hours, he was getting sick and it was hitting him hard.

"Go lay down Dean, I'll be fine"

"Nope, not gonna happen" Dean replied as he picked up his shoes, placing a hand on the wall to steady his fatigued body.

"Well, son, it is gonna happen" John stated, coming up and taking the shoe out of Dean's hand, "I've got Sammy, you can't go about getting other people sick, and you have to actually be able to stand in order to walk out of the house"

Dean wanted to argue but couldn't, his father's stern voice left no room for arguing, unless of course it was Sam he was talking to, then Sam would find something to argue about.

So Dean followed his father's guiding hand towards the couch, grateful to be sitting, never realizing just how crappy he really felt till his ass hit the couch and he started to lay back.

Glancing up at a smiling Sam who had brought a blanket over, placing it over his chilled frame. "Told ya so" he said slyly as he stood back up.

"I'll be fine, don't worry, Dad will be with me and we'll be back before you know it"

"He's right Dean, just rest for now"

Dean didn't reply, his eyes slowly shutting as he watched his little brother walk out. He wanted to get up and chase after him, not liking the idea of leaving Sammy out of his sight, but his body would just not move as he slipped into darkness.

**AT THE HOSPITAL**

John and Sam sat in the small waiting room, quietly waiting for their names to be called, John's eyes widened as he looked at all of the patients that were scattered around the room. Their faces resembling that of Sam's, withdrawn, pale… hopeless. John cringed as he watched a woman becoming ill in a plastic bag, her back the only indication of her heaving which was quiet.

"Once you get good at it you don't make as much noise, it just kinda comes out" Sam spoke up as he followed his father's gaze across the room, "I haven't mastered that yet, not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing"

John wasn't sure how to respond to his son's comment, his mind was still getting around the fact that his boy was sick, he didn't even think about the vomiting that is usually associated with the treatment, and the fact that his son was so casual with his comment, it was slightly unnerving.

He was glad when he heard Sam's name ring through the room through the P.A system. "Our turn to go" Sam said as he got up slowly, even though his blood counts were back up, and his shingles had healed over, his body was still aged and frail.

John just followed his son out of the room, glad to be moving away from the other patients, watching as his son walked into yet another room that had several nurses and stations set up. John was going to ask what was going on, but it didn't take him long to realize that they were in an IV room, Sam was going to get his IV set up, yet another thing that John hadn't thought about.

'I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for this' John chanted in his mind as his son took a seat, looking over at him, he tried to smile back as a nurse walked into the small station, closing the curtain around them as Sam removed his shirt, revealing a beige patch on the right side of his chest, four inches below his collar bone.

"So how long as that Emla been on Sam?" The nurse asked as she set up the station, bringing out fresh test tubes and setting up a butterfly needle.

"It's been on for about two hours" Sam responded as he watched the nurse put gloves on and pull back the patch, revealing the port scar.

"Good, you'll be nice and numb" The nurse said as she brought her hands up to his scar.

John had no clue what was going, he didn't know why his son had his shirt off, or why there was a patch on his boy's chest, or even what the hell Emla was, as far as he knew Iv's were supposed to be in a person's arm, not in their chest.

'Dean told you about the port, you know that, that's the port' he said to himself as he watched the nurse poke around the scar that had been hidden under the patch. He winced as he watched the skin pull back around the foreign object in his son's chest, revealing the location of the port.

John had always had an iron stomach, he had seen many things in his life but as he watched the nurse take the butterfly needle and push it into his son's chest he could feel his breakfast start to move. He continued to watch the nurse, feeling his eyes widen as she attached a syringe to the tube that was hanging from the butterfly needle, cringing as she pulled back on the syringe. His son's blood flowing freely into the tube, until the nurse removed it and attached a new needle filled with saline, pulling back once more, happy with the blood coming back, she pushed the saline through.

John's breakfast continued to move in his stomach, hoping that the nurse was almost done as she place a clear bandage over the butterfly needle, his stomach dropped once more as she took out yet another test tube and attached it to Sam's port.

"I'll try not to take too much from you today Sam, doctor just ordered some more blood tests for you" the nurse said, as the blood spilled into the test tube and John's breakfast started to make its way up. Swallowing hard John looked back at his boy who sat quietly, his young eyes looking at him, looking for comfort, but finding none.

'Mary, you said you'd be here, and I hope to hell you are right now' he thought as the bile burned, and the sweat built up on his brow. John could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, comfort coming through him, settling his stomach, the bile falling back to where it belonged, giving him the strength to look at Sam and smile, offer him some sort of comfort.

"Thank you" John whispered quietly as the nurse finally finished up with the test tube, attaching Sam to an IV that had a saline drip started.

"Free to go" the nurse said, helping Sam up.

John just followed his son, his hands at his side as he watched his boy slowly walk forward, pushing the IV in front of himself, making his way away from the IV room, away from the waiting room, John hoped it was away from the hospital, but he knew he was going to yet another room he wasn't ready for.

It felt as if they were walking to their death as the halls started to close in on them, John could feel his breath start to hitch as his son walked ahead of him, the walls coming in with every step they took. John tried to ignore the urge to yell out and push the walls away, grab his boy and run out of the hospital.

Taking a deep breath, he raised his hand and put it on his shaking son's shoulder, knowing he had to be strong, that Sam was missing Dean more then he let on.

**FIVE HOURS LATER**

John had sat, white knuckled to his chair for five hours, watching his youngest lay on a hospital bed, his unfocused eyes trained on the TV in front of his bed, sighing every so often while his IV constantly dripped.

John had tried to have a conversation with Sam a few times during those five hours, but after the fifth time his voice cracked and he was met with Sam's silence, he thought better of it. Not trusting his usually strong voice as he watched his son weakly lean forward and retch into the Kay basin he had in front of his mouth.

John's every instinct told him he should be helping Sam, rubbing his back or arm anything to comfort his son who was getting sick in the hospital bed. But he could not break his grip from the chair, instead he just watched, and tried to keep his own emotions under control.

A nurse walked up to Sam's bed, taking the Kay basin away and replacing it with a new one, not even flinching at the vomit. She glanced over at John and his frightened eyes, and tried to smile and offer comfort to the shaking father, as Sam's eyelids started to fall.

"Why don't you go and get some lunch, Sam will be asleep for a bit because of the benedryll"

"No, I'm good"

"Mr. Winchester, I insist, at least get up, I haven't seen you leave the chair once"

John sighed heavily, he didn't want to leave his son's side, but it was past the point of pain for his bladder, which had been crying out for the last two hours.

"Fine, but not until he's asleep"

The nurse just nodded and smiled as she patted Sam's arm and turned to leave, causing Sam to stir ever so slightly.

"Its okay son" John said quietly, finally finding his voice, as if on a subconscious level his voice kicked in when it knew that Sam probably wouldn't understand what he said, in hopes that he didn't have to have a conversation with his sick son.

"Its okay, I got you" the oldest Winchester continuously whispered, until Sam's eyes closed and his breathing evened out.

John's hand unknowingly left his chair handle and clasped onto his youngest son's hand, holding on tightly, not wanting to let go, until he felt two hands fall on his shoulders. His natural hunter instincts failing him as he casually looked up to the kind eyes of the nurse.

"Yeah, I'm going" he said, his voice hitching as he wiped the tear he didn't know had fallen from off his cheek, his voice filled with a sadness that would break even the hardest soul.

She said nothing, just smiled as she watched him leave the room, her eyes glancing down once more at the sleeping young man before she turned, closing the curtains around his bed.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Dean was still laying on the couch, getting up only when he had to, whether it be to go to the washroom, get a drink of water, or get some more Advil for his now pounding headache that went along with his fever and nausea. He tried to keep himself under the covers as much as he could, needing to get better quickly so he wouldn't miss another day with Sam.

A chill had settled over his muscular frame and even though he could feel the constant heat from the fever radiating off of his body, he still had the blankets wrapped firmly around his shivering frame.

He had just settled back into the groove he had created in the couch over the course of the day, when he could feel his eyes start growing heavy once again, sleep creeping up on him as he pulled the blankets up to his chin, his thoughts lingering on his brother as a shadow came across the room, a cold hand resting on his forehead as his eye lids fluttered as he tried to stay awake.

"Wha? Who?" he whispered.

"Don't worry Dean" came a comforting voice as Dean lost his battle and closed his eyes.

**MEANWHILE**

The curtain pulled back slightly, a familiar old woman walked in slowly resting a frail hand on Sam's shaking shoulder, smiling at Sam's persistence to fight the Benedryll and the sleep that tugged at him.

"Its okay Sam" She whispered as she watched the youngest Winchester lose his battle to the even more persistent sleep.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Dean could feel the comfort of the couch leave him as he now stood in what looked like an open area. The wind blowing freely across his physique, causing him to shuddered slightly, and yet refreshing his warm face at the same time.

"_Almighty God, we rejoice that the souls of those who have died trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ live with you in everlasting joy and happiness."_

Dean's eyes snapped open as he heard Father Jim's voice echo through open air, as he felt a tear he didn't know was there fall down his cheek. Glancing around, taking in his surroundings as the breath was knocked out of him, he wasn't standing in an open field, he was standing in a cemetery.

His father, Father Jim, Caleb, Bobby, Joshua and various other hunters and people gathered around a coffin, everyone was there, everyone but Sam. Their faces sad, wet from the tears that seemed to fall from everyone's eyes, everyone but Sam's, where was Sam?

Dean looked around frantically, "Sam?" he said causing Caleb to look over, bringing a hand up and putting it around his shoulder.

"_We thank you for the life of Samuel Winchester and for all that you have given us through him. And we thank you that in mercy you have delivered him from the suffering of this sinful life."_

"No" Dean was shocked, his legs became weak as he felt Caleb's grip on his shoulder's tighten. "Sammy no…" Dean sobbed, as the tears fell even harder.

"_In your great goodness, Lord, complete soon the number of your chosen children and hasten the coming of your kingdom so that, along with all who have departed trusting in Christ, we may be made perfect in body and soul in your eternal glory, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen"_

Dean watched in horror as the casket started to lower in the ground.

"NO! Sammy!" Dean cried out lunging forward, tight arms holding him back as he fell to the ground.

"No, please, not my Sammy, not my Sammy, take me, not Sam, please." He begged as he sobbed uselessly on the ground, the arms still holding him tight.

"He's gone Dean, he's gone, but he's no longer in pain" he heard his father's voice, but he didn't want to believe it, he didn't want to live without his brother.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Sam could feel his body slip into yet another dream, but found this one to be different, not the usual nightmare that accompanies his hospital dreams. Instead he was outdoors, standing in the warm light of the sun, his body felt no pain, and the hair he once had flowed freely around his face.

Smiling as he opened his eyes, grateful for a peaceful dream, his hopes quickly disintegrated as he took in his surroundings. He was standing in front of a coffin, his family and friends stood with him, all looking at the coffin as Father Jim continued to speak while everyone cried.

"Dean?" Sam called out as he watched his brother's eyes open and the tears fall down his cheeks.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, Dean what the Hell?" Sam said, quickly noticing that his brother wasn't looking at him.

"Dean? What the hell is going on?" He asked, desperation in his voice as he watched Caleb drape an arm across his brother's shoulders.

"_We thank you for the life of Samuel Winchester and for all that you have given us through him. And we thank you that in mercy you have delivered him from the suffering of this sinful life."_

Sam's head snapped around at Father Jim's words, "What?"

He looked at the coffin, glancing up at the smiling picture of himself, the image mocking him as he fell to his knees, this dream was no different, it wasn't peaceful, and he was still dead.

"NO, Sammy…" Sam whipped his head around at his brother's cry.

"Dean I'm so sorry" he whispered as he curled up in the fetal position, wanting nothing more than to just wake up.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Sam and Dean may have been in separate places, but their eyes snapped open at the same time, their breath's lost in the horror of the dream, as they were both met with the kind eyes of an older woman, both receiving the same message.

"You've lived this life before, you can change it, you can beat it, It'll be hard, but you can do it, it's not as hopeless as you think, but you have to fight, or that dream will be your future."

With a blink the woman was gone, leaving both boys with questions and a new determination to not let the dream come true.

**AN: Again so sorry, I hope that never happens again, but you know how it is, sometimes things just don't go how you would like them to, again so sorry!**

_**Read and review!** _


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Big thanks to my beta Charmed who got this back to me so quick, you're a doll. Anyways I hope you enjoy, thought we needed a little big brother time so this is his chapter. I hope you enjoy my Dean torture as much as my Sam torture. **

_**Read and Review!**_

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

**ENJOY**

It was day six in Sam's treatment and he was in between rounds of chemo, having survived the first three days of in hospital treatment and he was now waiting patiently for day eight, when he would be faced again with more chemo. But until then he had more pressing matters on his mind then how he was feeling.

Dean had missed all three days of in hospital treatment because his cold had manifested from a nasty head virus, to full blown chicken pox.

His older brothers body was covered in red blisters, some of them had started to crust over, but many of them were still red, raw and itching.

Sam had been the first to notice Dean scratching at his arm two days ago, immediately realizing what was going on, and what he had given to his brother, he ran to his father, panic in his eyes.

"Dean has the chicken pox" he blurted out, causing his father to jump into action. John knew that the Chicken pox were a serious threat for adults, and when he entered the living room and saw his oldest lying motionless on the couch, his heart skipped a beat.

The two standing Winchester men ran over to Dean, scooping him off the couch. A deeper worry set into John as his usually stubborn son didn't say a word, didn't protest, didn't complain, his pale face only coming to rest on his shoulder. "Come on Dean" John muttered quietly, not wanting Sam to hear the worry in his voice.

The only words that came from the ailing older brother's mouth was when Sam stepped up and put his arm around his older brothers shoulder, "No Sam, go, not you, could get you sick."

Deans head lolled from side to side as he tried to make eye contact with his younger brother.

"Shut it Dean" was all Sam said as he helped carry his older brother, never loosing his tight grip.

But that was two days ago, and over the course of the next two days the rash had gotten worse, but the doctor had said that there was nothing they could really do except let the virus run its course, and if Dean's fever got worse or any other symptoms came up, then to go to the hospital, but in the mean time keep Dean as comfortable as possible,

That was exactly what Sam had been doing, whether it be giving Dean Tylenol to control the fever, aches and pains, or whether it was making sure his older brother didn't itch, Sam was there.

"Come on Dean let's go" Sam urged as he sat his fatigued brother up off the couch, causing Dean to groan in protest.

"What? Sam where are we going?"

"Its bath time Dean" Sam laughed as he looked at the horror on his brothers face.

"You're kidding…right?"

"Nope. No joke" Sam said smiling as he led his brother down the hall and into the washroom.

"Kay, strip" Sam said nonchalantly causing his brother to look at him in horror.

"What?! Sam… NO"

"Jesus Dean you don't have anything I don't, just go down to your boxers"

"Turn around" Dean said, his face flushing from embarrassment; he didn't want his brother to see his sore filled body.

"What?" Sam couldn't believe it, it wasn't like he hadn't seen his brother in boxers before, but Dean didn't seem to be budging on his decision.

"Fine" Sam huffed as he turned around and closed his eyes. He stood listening to his brother struggle with his clothes, wanting desperately to turn around and help.

"Just let me help" he finally said as he made to turn around, his actions stopped at Dean's cry.

"I'm fine, I can do it" the older Winchester half yelled in frustration.

Sam sighed at his brother's stubborn attitude, as he was once again left to listen to his brother's struggles. It seemed to go on forever before he finally heard the sound of the toilet seat creak as his brother sat and the sounds of struggling stopped. Turning slowly Sam was met with the tired, red-rimmed eyes of his brother who still donned his gray t-shirt.

"I can't fucking get it off" Dean said, his voice cracking while Sams heart broke as he walked over to the toilet seat.

Dean lifted his arms, as Sam tugged the shirt carefully over his head, careful to not irritate any of the sores on his brother's face.

Dean's vision flashed back to when they were kids and how he was the one who would help Sam with his shirt, it had never been the other way around.

Dean groaned as his joints cried out in flashes of pain as Sam helped him stand up once more, walking him over to the bathtub.

"What the hell is that?" Dean asked, his eyebrows raised, his gaze focused on the particles that seemed to be floating around in the water.

"Its oatmeal, it will help with the itching."

"I'm not getting in"

"Dean…"

"Fine" the elder Winchester relented as he struggled to lift his feet, not ignoring the fact that his cancer stricken brother was helping him into the small tub.

That was eating away at him more than the sores that covered his pale skin. He hated how Sam was taking care of him, it wasn't supposed to be like this, his brother was supposed to have to take care of only one person, and that person wasn't Dean. And even though he would never admit it, he had never felt so ashamed and embarrassed that his close to death little brother was taking care of him, bathing him, feeding him, it should be the other way around, 'Don't think like that' he scolded himself, 'Sam is not close to death'

Dean's thoughts lingered from his embarrassment and shame to the fact that he had used Sam and death in the same sentence. He couldn't believe he had put those two words together.

So he sat in the tub stewing in the oatmeal oblivious to his younger brother watching him, only tearing away from the torture of his own mind when Sam placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Okay, I won't make you suffer in this stuff any longer" he said as he moved to get a stronger grip under Deans arms.

The older Winchester tried to find his feet under him but he couldn't, they slipped on the tub, causing Sam to groan under his weight, and for both boys to fall forward slightly. Out of breath Sam put his grip back under his brother's shoulders, his body protesting to the actions, not ready to lift all of Dean's weight, as he felt his brother try and lift himself once again, to no avail.

"Sam, Stop, Stop, you're going to hurt yourself" Dean said in defeat as he relaxed and sat back down.

"Go get dad"

"Dean" Sam said surprised, not believing his brother's own words.

"Go Sam"

Sam sighed, frustrated at his inability to help his brother, but knowing his body couldn't handle lifting his brother from the tub. He relented and walked to get his dad, limping slightly once out of his brother's sight, his joint pain was starting to flare up in between the treatments and lifting Dean hadn't helped it.

John sat in the small kitchen going over the new stats he had been sent from Jim about the demon, nothing had changed, the demon had been quiet for months now, and the information laid out before him showed no change.

"Dad" Sam interrupted his father's train of thought; breaking Johns gaze from the papers and bringing them up to his ailing son.

"I need some help getting Dean out of the tub"

John just nodded, following his son out of the kitchen and down the hall towards the bathroom, John knew it had to be bad if Sam had to come and ask him for help, it wasn't very often his boys came to him for help of this kind.

John hid the look of surprise when he walked into the washroom, his oldest sat, rash covered in the small tub, his head down, likely embarrassed that he needed help, especially from his father.

"Hey big guy, still itching?" John said trying to engage Dean, to break the ice, knowing his son was embarrassed and ashamed of his weakness.

"Yeah, not as much though, the bath helped"

"Well you can thank Sam for that one" John said as he reached down, stopping as his eyes grazed over the water, "What the hell is in the water?"

Dean couldn't help but laugh at his father's question.

"Its oatmeal, it helps with the itching" Sam cried out, smiling at his brother and father's disgust.

"Yeah… you know Sammy, I'm starting to think your just trying to see how far I'll go to stop the itching, but I'm drawing the line at a tub full of pudding, unless I have some female companions accompanying me" Dean replied, grunting as his father lifted him.

John just laughed; his sons' bantering had been a common occurrence when they were growing up. Sammy had always been the one to look up home remedies whenever one of them was sick, and it was good to see that hadn't changed even though Sam was so ill.

As soon as Dean had emerged and John had placed him on the toilet seat, Sam was right their placing a towel over his brothers shivering shoulders.

John took it as his time to leave as Sam brought out the Calamine Lotion, he was never very good at taking care of his boys when they were sick, and his heart broke at that notion. Ever since Sam and Dean were young they took care of each other, always looked out for each other, taken over the responsibilities that John was supposed to have as a parent. And as much as he hated to admit it, he didn't mind, cause as much as he loved his boys he was never very good at the comforting while sick part, but Sam and Dean had mastered it.

The two Winchesters didn't even notice as their father walked quietly out of the washroom, Sam had started to apply the calamine lotion and Dean didn't have the strength to take in what was going on around him. His only focus was to keep sitting up straight, to not fall over, it had become a mantra in his mind, 'Don't pass out, don't pass out'.

But as time continued on, and he was left sitting up on the toilet seat waiting for Sam to finish it was becoming harder and harder, something the older brother wasn't used to. Sure Dean had had colds before, but none of them had ever had such a strong effect on his body, completely immobilizing him, making him weak and useless, so much so that he didn't even care that Sam had started to hold his wavering frame up straight.

"So I'll turn around while you get dressed?" Sam questioned, never removing his steadying hand on Deans back.

"Jesus Christ Sam, just help me put my t-shirt on."

Sam smiled in triumph as he reached down and grabbed Dean's shirt, while his brother busied himself with his bottoms, knowing his brothers attitude Sam faced the other way, making it seem he was busy until Dean was finished and back into sweat pants.

Once Dean was completely dressed Sam resumed his position behind his brother as he helped him back up to his unsteady legs, ready for the long walk back to the couch.

It seemed like forever before Dean felt the comfort of the couch once again, sighing as he relaxed back into the groove he had created, and his eyes started to shut. Only to open once again to Sams quiet voice.

"Wait, before you go to sleep"

Dean looked up to a pair of mitts Sam had in his hands, groaning inwardly the older brother put his hands in the air as his younger brother put the mitts on his hands.

"To stop you from itching" Sam explained once the gloves were on.

Dean just nodded, watching as his little brother put the gloves on, his admiration for him growing, he wouldn't' know what to do without Sam. His thoughts darkened as he was brought back to the dream he had had just a few days ago. Dean had dismissed the dream and the woman as a result of his fever. But now, as Sam stood in front of him, taking care of him even though he was in much more pain than Dean, he couldn't help but feel the pain of losing his brother eating away at his soul.

Dean would do anything to help his brother, would do anything to keep Sam around, and the dream was not a dream at all, but Deans worst nightmare, a nightmare that had felt all to familiar at the same time.

"Sam?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you have anymore of those dreams while at the hospital? You know the one you told me about."

"About me dieing?"

Dean swallowed hard; he didn't like to hear Sam talk about himself dieing.

"Yeah"

Sam's stomach sank as he thought of the dream, "No, I didn't have one this round" he said as he occupied himself with Dean's blankets.

"Yeah me either" Dean replied, his heart skipping a beat as he realized his screw up, 'must be the fever, making me slow' he thought to himself, hoping Sam wouldn't pick up on his slip of words, but he knew his brother wouldn't let something like that get by as he stopped looking at Dean's blankets and looked up at Dean.

"What do you mean you either? You've had one before?"

Dean was speechless, but only for a second as his mind kicked back in.

"Yeah well you know, your dreams are my dreams" Dean shifted his eyes, knowing his brother wasn't buying it, thinking quick again he opened his mouth and let out a yawn.

"Sam? You think you can get me some ice my chest is really sore" Dean said, as a lame try to get his brother to hopefully drop the subject. He wasn't sure it was going to work as Sam stood still, his eyes never leaving Dean's. Dean yawned once again, causing Sam to sigh and leave the room for the ice. Grateful for his brother's exit Dean quickly shut his eyes, hoping to feign sleep to cement the end of the conversation.

Of course Sam knew his brother wasn't asleep, knew that he was just trying to end the conversation, and on any other day Sam would have woken him up and continued on. But he also knew that his older brother was in no shape for a serious conversation, and would probably benefit more from a good few hours of sleep.

So the younger Winchester gave in, pulling the blankets down and putting the ice pack on Dean's chest, having no doubts that his brother's chest was indeed sore from the itching and sores from the rash. Replacing the blankets Sam watched as his brother's breath evened out, his body succumbing to the sleep he was trying to fake, causing Sam to sigh.

Sam couldn't help but stare at his older brother, having never seen Dean so weak before, it was something he wasn't use to, something he never wanted to be used to.

Sam knew he was a stubborn person, never wanting to accept help from people, but when it was help coming from his brother, it was a different story. Dean was his rock, the one who took care of him, and even though it was nice to have their father around Sam wouldn't give Dean up for anything.

"I hope you didn't have the same dream as I did" Sam whispered, his brother's words becoming clear as he remembered his last dream. The fact that the dream was in the present day should have set Sam wondering, and the way Dean reacted. It broke Sams heart just to think of his brother's sobbing wails, he never wanted his brother to have to go through his death, and just the fact that Dean went through the dream was worse enough.

AN: Hope you enjoyed… good news, I am currently working on the rough draft of the next chapter so hopefully it won't take so long to put up. But thanks for sticking with the story, and if you have time review let me know what you think, but if not, I'm just glad your still reading!

_**Read and Review!**_


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: wow look at me go, two posts, I'm on a roll haha, I hope you enjoy the chapter, let me know what you think. I'm just going to get it out there that echocardiograms are generally not used on adults, but too bad, Sam is getting one. ALSO big huge thanks to my beta charmed, who even with all her work load still gets these chapters back to me, thanks so much !**

** Thought I should put this out that I was informed that echos can be used, I am basing my knowledge on echos on what I was told in the hospital, and I was told that they generally don't use Echocardiograms on adults because it isn't a clear enough picture. But so sorry for the confusion. **

**Pulmonary Functions test: Deals with your breathing and lung capacity. **

**Echocardiogram: takes pictures of your heart. **

**Both tests are used to monitor a patients Heart and Lungs because the chemotherapy effects both those areas. **

_**Read and Review!**_

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

**ENJOY**

There were many scars that adorned Dean's pale skin, thankfully for him none of his Chicken pox had followed that root. Instead, thanks to the help from his brother, the rash had healed over with very few marks left behind.

"Have to thank Sam for that one" he mumbled quietly as he stood at the front door, his father looking on.

"You boys sure you don't want me to come along?" John asked, wanting to support his boys through Sam's illness, but not wanting to have to go to the hospital if he didn't need to.

"Nah, dad don't worry about it, its just a few tests and we'll be back before you know it, plus you went with Sam to the chemo. A person can only take so much hospital time" Dean smiled as he looked down at his watch his aggravation growing. "Speaking of hospital time… Sam! Lets go!"

"Yeah, yeah" Sam called back, making his way from his room to the front door, the walk slow and drawn out, the youngest Winchester dreading his trip to the hospital. He seemed to be spending more time there than anywhere else. "Lets go" he continued, his voice filled with a sadness that Dean wished he could take away.

"Here" Dean called out, his hand held up, a toque held out to his brother. "Have to take care of that freakishly large noggin of yours" he joked, not used to seeing his brother in the winter hat. Sam's usually thick hair provided him with enough protection, but with that missing Sam had no choice but to wear the winter hat.

"Dean" John started as his oldest continued to talk as he walked out the door.

"What? Sam has always had a freakishly large head, I'm sure if you look at the size on the inside of the hat the tag reads 'Freakishly Large'"

"Thanks" Sam said laughing, following his brother out the door and into the cool air.

AT THE HOSPITAL

The two brothers sat quietly in the crowded waiting room; Sam was scheduled for two appointments, a pulmonary functions test and an Echocardiogram.

The wait for the pulmonary functions test had been short, but the echo was taking far longer than the brothers thought it was going to take, and the waiting in the room was beginning to fray Dean's on nerves. The doctors had fallen behind on their appointments and the patients in the room were starting to become restless.

Dean felt as if the entire room was staring at him and his brother, who had removed his hat, showing his bald head for the entire room to see. Sam didn't seem to notice the eyes, didn't notice how they followed his every move, how the people around him shifted uncomfortably when he moved too close to them.

But Dean not only saw all of the glaring eyes, he felt them as well, and every instinct in his body was telling him to grab his brother and get him away from the people, but he held back his urges, grateful when Sam finally got up.

"Going to the washroom." he said as he handed Dean his hat and he made his way out of the room, oblivious to how people moved out of his way, as if they would catch the disease that plagued his body.

The halls were just as busy as the waiting room, people pacing back and forth, nervous energy and chatter filling the air as Sam made his way past the people, his bladder beginning to ache.

"Damn" he mumbled as he noticed the occupied sign that was up at the washroom, dancing from foot to foot, he was desperate for a washroom so he turned down a different hallway.

His eyes scanning the hallway as he made his way down, his eyes falling on a familiar old lady. Their eyes making contact causing Sam to stop in his tracks, his need for the washroom diminished as his focus drifted to the lady down the hall. His instincts kicked in as he started to walk towards her, his walk quickly turning to a run as the lady started to move as well. Her eyes catching a final glimpse of Sam before she rounded a corner.

Sam ran as fast as his body would allow him, dodging numerous people in the hall as he came up to the corner, rounding it sharply, his mouth wide open gasping for air. His breath was sucked out of him as he rounded the corner and it felt as if he had hit a brick wall, his fragile body colliding with a much taller and older man whom didn't seem to budge.

Sam on the other hand fell to the floor in quite the spectacle. He could taste the copper taste of blood that was beginning to fill his mouth from where he had bit his lip when he had collided with the man.

"Boy, why don't you watch" the man began to yell before he caught a glimpse of the bald man on the floor in front of him causing his attitude to do a 180.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he helped Sam up, "Do you want me to go get you a doctor?"

"No, no, I'm fine. Teachers always told me no running in the hall, now I know why" the younger man joked, "Of course in school we never had to worry about running into a man of your size" he continued, smiling, trying to ease the situation and his embarrassment.

"Yeah, well, you be careful, you could get seriously hurt" the man said before he continued down the hall, leaving a distraught and bleeding Sam, frantically searching for any sign of the older woman, before the pain in his lip convinced him to go back to the washroom and then back to his brother.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"What took so long?" Dean questioned once Sam finally re-entered the room.

"There was a line"

"Bull, what happened?" Dean questioned further, immediately recognizing his brother's change in attitude and his haggard appearance.

"Nothing" Sam exasperated, grateful when the doctor came in to the room and called his name.

Sam followed quietly, answering the questions robotically as the doctor asked them, his mind taken with the old woman, and what her purpose was for his whole experience, why did she keep making appearances? And could only he see her?

Laying down on his side with his shirt removed, Sam flinched slightly as the cold gel was put on his skin and the doctor pressed hard onto his chest to get the picture of his heart.

'Why is she always around when I'm here?' he thought as he winced once more when the doctor pushed harder into his chest.

'She's always around when I have treatment, when I have those dreams' his eyes widened as he pieced together what he thought of the woman, 'She can't be' he tried to convince himself as he thought back to Dean's experience with the reaper when he was healed. 'Is she my reaper?' he thought, suddenly growing very cold as the notion stuck with him, building his fear of the woman and fear of the situation.

THREE DAYS LATER

It had been three days since Sam had seen the woman, three days of thinking of her cold touch, three days of thinking how she could take him away. But as the third day was coming to an end and Sam had been off of his steroids for eighteen hours he was beginning to forget the woman and focus on his joint pain that was building from a dull ache to a throbbing pain.

Sam was used to the dull pain in his joints that seemed to follow him around throughout the day, but when he came off of his steroids the pain became unbearable, leaving the youngest Winchester shaking in pain, as he sobbed in his bed while everyone slept.

The pain so great that he didn't even notice how loud his sobs had become, he just wished for the pain to stop, to go away.

His wailing cries for help, a help he didn't know he needed, were broken only when he felt a cool hand on his forehead, Dean's comforting voice breaking through the pain that had seemed to create a barrier around Sam.

"Hey Sammy" the older Winchester whispered, holding his hand in front of his brother, two white pills visible in the soft moon light.

"Joint pain again eh buddy?"

Sam didn't respond, he couldn't respond, for the joint pain was beginning to be the least of his problems, his bit lip had quickly turned into a canker sore that seemed to engulf half of his lower lip, causing his lip to swell out. Making it so he couldn't shut his mouth completely, without his teeth resting in the crater of the sore that he was sure was taking over his mouth.

So instead he reached a shaking hand out and accepted the pills Dean had for him, quickly popping the two codeine pills as Dean brought up a glass of water as well. Sam reached out for the water his hands shaking fiercely as he gripped the glass tightly. The shaking in his hands causing the water to spill out over the edge, he sighed in relief as he felt Dean's hand close over his, steadying the glass as he brought it up to his lips.

The simple act of just swallowing some pills had tired Sam out as he gratefully laid his head back down and waited for the pills to kick in. Unable to hide the tears he let them fall freely down his cheeks and into the darkness, while he held back his sobs, he waited for his brother to go back over to his own bed, but Dean made no such move.

Instead the older brother gently shifted Sam over to one side of the bed and took a seat on the other side, his arm draped above his brother's head while his hand rested on his shoulder.

There was no way Dean was going back to his bed, no way he was leaving his brother to sob in pain by himself. It broke his heart to see his brother in so much pain; he had never seen Sam beg for painkillers to start working.

"It's okay Sam, they'll kick in" Dean tried to soothe, but he knew his attempts were lame at best. His own tears starting to build up as he continued to watch his brother sob, mumbling incoherently for the pain to go away, drool escaping past his brother's quivering lips. Dean was quick to wipe it away, causing his attention to be brought to Sam's protruding lip.

"Dammit Sam" he mumbled quietly as he caught a glimpse at the sore that adorned his younger brother's bottom lip, making a note to call the doctor about it in the morning.

Dean sighed as he felt Sam begin to relax, the pills finally starting to kick in and take some of the pain away. Dean watched as his brother's eyes shut and his shaking stopped, his breathing evening out, his face going calm for the first time in a long time. Dean smiled a sad smile as he rested his head back against the wall and settled in beside Sam. Enjoying the moment with Sam, not having slept in the same bed with his younger brother since they were both children.

"Always here for ya Sammy" he said as he drifted off into his own realm of sleeplessness.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Sam woke up to the dull pain that had started to make its presence known once again, causing him to shift uncomfortably before finally rising. Walking slowly, afraid that his ankles were going to snap as he walked into the kitchen, causing his father to look over from the toaster.

"How are you doing son?"

"Ever felt like your ankles are about to snap with every step you take? Cause I got that feeling right now." Sam said ignoring the harsh words that shot through his mouth as he sat down at the kitchen table.

John felt sympathetic towards his youngest son but he could never find the words to express how he felt, so instead he filled the silence by handing Sam the two pills Dean had left on the table for John to hand to Sam.

The youngest Winchester looked around as he swallowed the pills, noticing Dean's absence, "Where's Dean?"

"He's in the other room talking to your doctor" John said as he buttered the toast that had popped up, handing it over to his son who took it with apprehension in his eyes, not sure how he was going to eat it with the crater in his mouth, "Thanks"

"You know if you tear it up and put it in the back corner of your mouth, you may be able to eat it better" John stated without looking back as he put the toaster away.

Sam just sat wide-eyed, 'How'd he know?' he thought to himself.

John, guessing his son's silence as astonishment, quickly spoke up, "Sam, its not hard to miss how swollen your lip is, and every time you open your mouth you can see the sore that has made itself at home." he finally turned around, smiling at his pale son.

"Son" he continued as he sat across from Sam, "You can't keep things from Dean or I anymore, even the smallest thing you have to let us know."

John paused bringing his hand under his boys chin so they were eye to eye." Sam, you may feel all alone with this, but your not. Your problem is Dean and mine also, just like Deans chicken pox was yours and mine. So please, no more secrets. No more hiding" John pleaded with his youngest, the son he usually fought with, a first in the Winchester family.

If it had been the same Sam that had gone to college it would have been a different situation in the kitchen. He would have argued back, been defiant to his father's words. But it wasn't the same Sam who went to college, his life had turned upside down and as much as he hated to think of losing his independence he had.

He was now more dependent on people than ever before in his life. He was dependent on the doctors, the nurses; on the treatment and most importantly he had grown dependent on his brother and of course his father.

"I promise," he said quietly causing John to smile and bring his boy in for a hug as Dean walked into the room.

"Whoa for a second there I thought I was watching 7th Heaven before I realized that Stephen Collins was looking a little rough around the edges." Dean said smiling at his own hilarity.

However John was quick to respond, he was the one who taught his boys to be quick with the lip, he wasn't about to be outshone by his boy. "Dean… how do you even know what 7th Heaven is about, let alone know a name of one of the actors?"

Dean stopped, his smile fading as he shook his head and gathered his thoughts, quickly changing the subject. "Sam, Doc. wants you to go in for a test ASAP"

"Why is something wrong?" John was quick to ask, concern evident in his gruff demeanor.

"Well she said that the echo that Sam had picked up something unusual in Sam's right atrium, and she isn't sure if it is just a normal abnormality so she wants to run a test called a veinogram. Its just two IVS in each hand so they can take pictures of your chest, and Sam she wants to look at that mouth of yours"

"Two Ivs? Why two?" Sam asked, full of questions about the new test and the new discovery of the object in his right atrium.

"I'm not sure Sam, she didn't go into detail, just said to come in, so get your coat. Dad you want to come? Or you want to stay and get dinner ready?" Dean knew his father didn't enjoy going to the hospital. "I'll call you if anything happens, which I'm sure it won't Ivs are a piece a cake now eh Sammy?" he called out as he followed his brother to the door, leaving his father to worry at home.

AT THE HOSPITAL

The brothers sat once again in a small hospital room, Sam was given advancements in the waiting room which set a worry in Dean that he just couldn't seem to shake as the doctor walked into the room.

"Hey Sam, how are you feeling?" She asked smiling at the pale young man sitting on the hospital bed.

"Been better," he replied, trying to be careful when he spoke to not aggravate his canker sore.

"Oh yes, I can see it from here" she said moving closer, slowly bringing a hand up, "say ahh"

"ahhhhhhhhhh"

Dean watched as the doctor scrunched up her face, "You have quite the sore in your mouth Sam, unfortunately when a patient bottoms out, mouth sores are a common occurrence, I'll give you some acyclovir to help, but just remember to keep your mouth clean. You can wash it out with water and Baking soda in between meals."

"Thanks" Sam said once the doctor finally moved away.

"Now, the reason I brought you here today" she continued as she finished writing the script and handed it over to Dean. "Your last echo test showed an abnormality in your right atrium that other tests didn't pick up. We aren't sure if it's normal or if it could possibly be a blood clot that has attached to your port. But we just wanted to make sure, and that's why your having the veinogram" she finished, looking between the brothers. Sam's face showing no concern while Dean's expression held nothing but concern.

"What happens if it is the blood clot?" Dean spoke up.

"If it is a blood clot then we have ways of dealing with it, but we'll cross that bridge if it comes up. For now a nurse will be calling you into the IV room soon so she can start your two IV'S. You will have one IV in each arm as low on the arm as possible, then you will have contrast pumped through the IV'S while we take pictures of your chest." She finished as she started to walk out of the room, "If you have any other questions, please feel free to call me"

"Sure thing" Dean replied while Sam just nodded.

ONE HOUR LATER

Sam sat in the IV room behind one of the various curtains, a nurse sitting in front of him getting things ready to start the IV while Dean stood behind her, trying to offer Sam encouraging smiles.

The younger brother winced as the nurse hit at his hand and arm trying to bring his veins up to the surface. "This looks like a good one" she spoke up as she rubbed at the protruding vein. Sam resisted the urge to roll his eyes, "Yeah there aren't many of those left"

The nurse offered a small smile laced with pity as she prepared the area, "Yeah, your veins sure take a kicking when your on treatment. Ready?" Sam nodded. "1…2…3"

She slid the needle into Sam's hand, bringing blood back immediately she pushed saline through. Sam winced at the sudden pain, bringing in a quick breath.

"It hurts?" she questioned.

Sam nodded, looking to Dean who looked about ready to jump the nurse.

The nurse looked confused as she pulled back, receiving blood return she tried pushing the saline through one more time, not wanting to give up on the vein. Sam gasped once more in pain as a bubble began to form. "Damn" she muttered accepting failure. "Your vein burst, lets give this hand a rest and try the other side" she said as her smile quickly disappeared as she saw what little she had to work with in the other hand.

So Sam sat, for well over an hour while nurse after nurse attempted to get his Ivs started, each one failing with every attempt, with every dig, much to Sam's frustration and Deans paling skin.

It took the nurses thirteen tries before they got the first IV started, and it took an ultra sound machine in order to find a vein in Sams bicep to start the second IV. Now Sam lay on a cold metal operating table the Doctor and nurses hovering overtop of him.

Sams arms were shaking at the abuse, tears falling freely as sobs wracked through his body once again. He had been doing so well with the constant prodding and digging of the needles up until around the tenth try, when a petite blond nurse decided to step in and try and find a vein.

It was while she was searching around Sams forearm that she dug a little too deep, striking a tendon and sending a whole new kind of pain up the young Winchesters arm, breaking Sam's already paper thin emotions, sending him towards the edge. He felt as if he was crumbling in the wind, the only thing that kept him grounded was Dean's firm grip on his shoulder, which had to leave him when he was wheeled into the operating room where his veinogram was being preformed.

Sam's crying had yet to stop, and he was sure it wouldn't stop until his brother was back by his side and the nurses and doctors had moved away from his line of vision and took the needles out of his sore arms. Sam was trying to catch his breath in between sobs as a nurse hovered over him trying to offer comforting words. His eyes lifted off of her and fell on the familiar old lady who stood across the room, smiling sadly at his shaking figure.

"No…" Sam muttered as the nurse continued to whisper comforting words.

"No, please" he begged, his mind set that the woman was his reaper, coming to collect him, take him away from his brother. "Please, I'm not ready" he continued to beg as the doctor started to pump the contrast and the click of the pictures sounded through the room.

He had failed Dean, he was being taken away, and he would never see his brother again. Sam's vision began to cloud over as the old woman took a step closer, "NO!" he shouted becoming hysterical "No, no please!" he cried out once more as the old woman touched his leg and his vision went dark.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Dean had called their father as soon as Sammy was wheeled into the room. Both brothers needed their father there, both emotionally distraught from all the iv attempts. Dean was never great with needles, a big reason why he never went and got a tattoo like many hunters do.

John was on his way and Dean had walked back inside, the craving for a cigarette getting the better of him when he stood outside. He hadn't touched a smoke since he was 19 when Sam had caught him smoking and had given him a piece of his mind.

Dean didn't like to admit it but Sam had a lot of sway in his life, if Sammy didn't like something then Dean didn't like it either, and it was the other way around as well and Dean knew it, hell he'd got Sam to come out hunting again and that in itself was something to show how they were inseparable when it came right down to it.

Dean had just walked in when he noticed a nervous energy had filled the halls, a nurse came running through the hall towards Sam's room, pushing the doors open Dean could hear his little brothers cries echo off the walls.

"Sam? Sam!" he called out running towards the door only to be stopped by a nurse who stood in front of him.

"Sir please sit back down" she said in a stern voice.

"That's my brother… " He yelled, panic overcoming him as he heard Sam cry out once more before he heard nothing at all.

"Sam!"

**AN: so sorry for the cliff hanger, but you know how it is, I hope you enjoyed the chapter and I am about half way done writing the next chapter, then I just have to type it up. So I hope it won't be too long. **

_**Read and Review!**_

20623


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: First and foremost, BIG thanks to charmed for being so patient and getting this out to me, I owe you huge haha. Sorry for the delay on this chapter, there was some really big email issues, maybe it was trying to tell me not to put this chapter up I'm not sure, clearly you reading this are the judges, haha. **

_**But I hope you enjoy, read and review!**_

**Disclaimer: See ch.1**

**ENJOY**

Dean never thought he would be sitting in the hospital waiting for his brother to wake up, never thought he wouldn't be there for Sam when he needed him most. But that was the situation he was in, his brother had needed him, had called out for him, begged for him, and he had let him go into that room on his own. Into the room where there was no protection from evil that lurked, and now his brother was passed out on a hospital bed, and Dean was trying to wait patiently for him to wake up.

"Come on Sammy, time to wake up" Dean cooed, hoping to raise his brother from the depths of his sleep. He sat stock still as he watched Sam's eyes begin to flutter open. "That's it" he encouraged as he looked on, Sam's eyes opening up to the world.

"That's it Sammy, now we can get out of here" Dean said as he reached over and pressed the nurse call button "He's up" he said through the speaker, receiving no reply, the nurse didn't take long to make it down to the small room.

"Glad to see those big eyes of yours Sam" the nurse said as she busied herself with Sam's vitals, "The doctor should be here soon, I just paged her, and once she gives you the go ahead you can head home"

Sam said nothing, he didn't even look at the young attractive nurse that was leaning over him, he lay still, staring ahead. Only smiling and acknowledging the doctor once she came in.

Dean just looked on, he wasn't stupid, he knew it was an act; something had Sam rattled and sure he hid it well in front of the doctor, but Dean knew better.

Yet even though he could see the act his brother was putting on, he didn't say anything, didn't mention it in fear that the doctor would keep Sam in the hospital, and Dean didn't want to stay any longer.

'Am I such a selfish prick that I would put my brother at risk just so I could get out?' he thought angrily, 'No, Sammy wants out of here as well' he reminded himself as he let the doctor and Sam continue to interact.

"Sam, you gave us quite the scare." The young doctor said as she performed her own set of vitals.

"Well I like to keep things interesting" he tried to joke, knowing the doctor would buy into his facade, but he could feel Deans gaze on him.

"Well, everything appears to be okay, so you can head home, just try and relax a little bit"

"Did the results of the test come in yet?" Dean spoke up, curious as to what was wrong with his brother's heart besides the fact that it was broken and shattered.

"Well the tests were very important, they provided us with lots of pictures that will help us, but they didn't show any pictures that we needed in terms of the abnormality in Sam's right atrium. So I will be discussing with the other doctors about the best course of action and any further testing that may need to be done."

Dean stared wide eyed, that whole experience, the pain and torture Sam went through for that test, the test that was supposed to figure out what was going on with his right atrium was useless? It didn't show the pictures? The older brother couldn't believe it, and if he wasn't in an oncology ward he may have started a fuss with the young doctor. But he bit his tongue and kept it to himself, he didn't need to put Sam through the stress of an argument, the kid had been through enough in one day.

"Okay Sammy lets get out of here" he stated instead, gathering Sam's belongings and helping his little brother out of the room. "See you later doctor" he called out as he helped Sam out of the room and out of the hospital, hoping to clear Sam's head from the day's events, and to figure out what had his brother in such distress.

Of course that was two days ago that Dean had taken his little brother from the room, two days since he had last heard his little brother's quiet voice, two days since his brother had left the bedroom for more than five minutes, and now Dean wasn't sure getting Sam out of the hospital was such a good idea.

"Hey Sammy" the older brother whispered as he entered the dark bedroom, a plate of food in one hand, his face etched with worry, his usually handsome features having aged twenty years since Sam had fallen ill.

He smiled slightly, trying to engage his brother as he set the food down, "You gotta eat Sammy."

He was met with silence as he sat beside his still brother whose listless eyes unnerved the older brother as they stared straight ahead into the darkness.

"Please Sam, come on man, you know I don't beg for anything, but I'm begging you to snap out of it"

Sam just blinked, hearing his brother's words, but his gaze focused on the lady in the corner, his reaper; his death now lurking not only in his dreams, but also in every corner he looked at. The darkness seemed to be encasing him, strangling him, only dissipating slightly with his brother or father's appearance.

Dean's heavy sigh rang through Sam's ears as he got up, leaving the plate of food on the small nightstand between the beds.

Bringing the tussled blankets back up to Sam's chin, his actions slow and tender as he tucked his brother in, just like when they were young.

"Always here for ya little brother, but you have to help me out a bit" he whispered as he made his way back out of the room, closing the door and walking back to his father who sat quietly in the kitchen.

Worry for the youngest Winchester was plaguing the family, aging both of the older men.

"How's he doing?" John asked, his worry extending to Dean as well, making sure his older boy would eat and sleep.

"Not good dad. He won't move, won't acknowledge anybody, Hell I have to force his antibiotics down his throat." Dean's emotions running high as he paced the kitchen.

John got up, placing a hand on his boy's shoulder, "He'll come around son."

Dean snapped, turning around sharp, "What if he doesn't?! Something happened to him in that hospital room, and its eating him up inside. He hasn't moved from that bed in two days dad! Whatever happened is killing him, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose him!"

John watched as his eldest son's eyes misted over, he had never seen Dean this emotional before, "I know son, I know" John could feel his own emotions beginning to rise as the situation became intense, but he kept it together for his boy.

"I'll go and talk to Sammy, why don't you get a bath ready, its time your brother snapped out of this" John stated as he got up and walked down the hall, confident he could get his boys on the right track, and under control.

Dean just nodded, his childhood belief that his father could fix anything kicking in as he went to start the bath, giving one last glance towards his father before he disappeared into the bedroom, "Please fix it dad"

John walked into the darkness of his sons room, noting that Sam didn't flinch as he sat beside him.

"Son?" John asked meekly, he could smell the stench of defeat that lingered in the room.

"You can't go on like this Sammy, hell I can't take your brother's worrying much more" he joked, his smile quickly disappearing as his youngest son's raspy voice filled the room.

"I don't want to go Dad" his voice dripping with emotion, even though it was rough from not being used.

"You're not going anywhere Sammy" John soothed as he ran his hand down Sam's back.

Sam shook his head slightly, "Nope, you're wrong, I am; she'll take me."

"No one, and I mean no one is taking you Sammy, I won't let anyone take you, and you should know that Dean wouldn't let anyone take you either."

Sam just shook his head harder as a tear made its way down his right temple.

"The baths ready" Deans head poked in, stopping the conversation from going any further.

John sighed, looking down at how upset he had managed to make Sam, instead of helping him, he upset him. "Okay big guy, lets go." he continued as he started to remove the covers.

"No, please, I-I don't want to" Sam begged and pleaded as John and Dean both lifted him out of bed, and carried him to the washroom. Both older men taking turns at holding the majority of Sam's weight as the other would work on getting Sam's clothes off, until the youngest was clad only in his boxers.

Dean and John lifted the young man into the warm water, trying to make him comfortable, even though his large frame was awkward in the small tub.

John gently tore Dean away from his brother's side and explained what Sam had told him in the bedroom. Realization dawned on Dean as he heard mention of a lady taking his brother away.

"Okay, I got it now" the older brother said as John walked out of the bathroom and Dean shut the door. Sighing as he turned back to his brother, wondering what was going on in his little brothers head.

"Wish we had a bigger tub eh Sammy?" Dean smiled as he knelt in front of the tub, grabbing the rag cloth he had brought in and dipping it into the water, flashbacks of washing Sam when they were kids coming to mind.

Quickly realizing Sam's lack of effort, Dean brought the cloth up and gently wiped Sams back. He couldn't believe that he was sitting here bathing his brother, and in any other circumstance he wouldn't have been caught dead bathing Sam. But this wasn't any other circumstance, and it was as if his brother had transformed from the defiant 23-year-old Sam to the dependent 6 year old Sammy.

"Come on Sam, what's going on man? Remember our talk about no secrets?" Dean asked desperation hidden in his usually strong voice as he dipped the cloth in the water once more, "Cause whatever has you like this falls into that category."

Bringing his free hand up, covering Sam's eyes, he squeezed the cloth over Sam's head before picking up the shampoo, his hands hesitant as they loomed over Sam's hairless head.

"That old lady I told you about" Sam finally spoke up as Dean brought his hands down.

"Yeah? What about her?" Dean asked as he massaged the shampoo onto Sam's skin.

"I see her everywhere, I saw her in that room Dean, she touched me and I thought; I thought that was it" The younger man's voice broke as he relaxed under Dean's touch, comforted in knowing he could still feel, that he wasn't dead… yet.

Dean felt his brother begin to relax and to lean in to his hands as he worked the soap in, forgetting about the absence of Sam's hair, just glad his brother was actually responding to him again.

"Hey, listen to me Sammy. I'm not letting anyone take you from me, and I mean that" Dean's voice stern, but his mind reeling, debating whether he should mention his own dream.

"You can't stop her Dean, if she wants me she'll take me, you can't stop a reaper."

"Like hell I can't" the older brother's voice filled with frustration, but his hands still soft as he brought the cloth up and carefully wiped the soap away.

A heavy sigh escaping the older boy's lips as he began to speak once more, "Sam, you know its probably not the best time for me to bring this up since we're on a whole tell the truth rampage, but I didn't tell you something the other day."

The younger brother would have normally perked up at his brother's emotionally driven confession, but his mind was still too far from reality, trapped in the fear of death.

Having received no response Dean just continued, "I had a dream about you when I was sick Sammy. I dreamt that you had… uh; that you had died" he finally choked out, garnering a little more of Sam's attention.

"I didn't want to believe it, any of it, but an older woman came to me that day and showed me." His eyes rolling at how ridiculous his words sounded, "I didn't tell you because I didn't believe it, and I still don't believe it, because there is no way in hell I'm letting you go." He could feel himself choking up but held himself together as Sam finally turned to face him.

"I'm sorry you had to see that."

Deans' heart broke at his brother's words, "Really? Cause I'm not, you know Sam she showed me the heart-break, the shattering of the world around me, and I think its not because she's taking you away, she was warning me to what could happen. Sammy, I'm not losing you, I refuse to lose you!"

"Dean; I can't…"

"No Sam, don't give me this shit, I've tried being comforting and it hasn't worked. You're on a self-destructive path and enough is enough. Snap out of it!"

Silence hung between the brothers, both contemplating the exchange of words, Dean ready to apologize.

"Is that an order?" Sam asked quietly, the smallest smile creeping on to his pale face, causing Dean to smile back.

"Yeah it is little brother"

Sam nodded, "Probably the best order you or dad had ever given to me. Thanks" he said as he made to get up, Dean's strong arms helping to pull him up.

The tension in the room beginning to lift, "See Sammy, wasn't that a nice bath? And lets just point out that my baths are oatmeal free."

Sam chuckled lightly as he watched the lady in the corner smile and fade away.

MONTH FOUR, DAY EIGHT

Sam had bounced back quickly after his talk with Dean, and things had started looking better. The sore in his mouth had diminished to a much more manageable size, and the first three days of in hospital treatment had occurred with little nausea and thankfully no dreams.

Now he and his brother and father sat in a small room, waiting for the small doctor to make her appearance before Sam went for more Chemo.

"Big day today Son" John said, a hand on his youngest boy's back.

And it was, it was the day in which Sam would figure out if he had two, or four more months of treatment left.

Sam sighed as the young doctor walked in, he just wanted out of the hospital.

"Good morning Sam" She said, nodding her acknowledgement to the other two men in the room.

"How are you doing today?" she asked as she felt his neck, beginning her usual physical check of the young man.

"I'm fine." was the only response she received as silence fell over the room once more.

Clearing her throat to break the silence she started up with what she was sure the men wanted to know.

"Sam, after all of the tests, I have some good news and some bad news, any preference as to what news you would like first?"

"Good news." Dean suddenly blurted, surprising the young doctor who looked to Sam, who just nodded his approval.

"Well your Gallium scan is no longer showing hot spots, which is very good news." She tried to smile as she gathered her wits to deliver the bad news. "Unfortunately from your latest cat scan it shows that the tumor has stopped decreasing in size" She paused letting the information sink in before continuing. "So we are going to push your treatment up to eight months with radiation as an option as well."

John's heart sank as he heard the news, "Shit" he muttered as he turned and walked towards the window, not bearing to watch the look of defeat in his son's eyes.

As much as Sam hated to admit it, he wasn't expecting this, he came in today certain that he was only going to have six months of treatment, and this, this was like a kick in the face. "Does this mean that the tumor isn't responding to the treatment anymore?" he asked, scared to hear the response.

"No, no, we don't believe that the treatment isn't working anymore, there is an indication that the tumor is changing density, so it is a possibility that it is becoming scar tissue. But we need to extend the treatment to make sure, and after the eight months we will discuss radiation. But for now, you just carry on with your normal chemo routine."

Sam gawked at the word normal, his whole life he had been striving for a normal life and could never find it. Not until this whole cancer experience came up, this was about as normal as his life was going to get.

"What about his heart? Is he going to need more tests?" Dean asked, still upset over how useless the veinogram had proven to be.

"After careful examination of previous echo's Sam has had, we decided that we would just continue to monitor the flap through the echo's and if there is any change we will look at more tests. But there's a good chance that this is just a normal mutation that has always been there."

Dean could feel some weight lift off his shoulders, "That's good news eh Sammy?"

Sam rolled his eyes, "Yeah, can I go to the daycare now?" he asked getting up, his father's hand on his elbow steadying his wavering frame.

"Of course Sam" the small doctor replied as she moved towards the door,

"And don't worry about the extra chemo, we'll talk about it when we get there. You can go straight to the daycare, the nurses are waiting for you." She smiled as she walked out of the room, the three men following behind, walking slowly towards the daycare, the news of extra chemo heavy in the air.

"At least its only a short day today" the older brother offered, trying to build a conversation, not liking the silence that always seemed to follow their family.

"Yeah" Sam mumbled back, glad to have finally reached the daycare. Walking in he could feel his mouth drop, he had never seen the room so busy.

He had always managed to get in early on any other visit, but because of the visit with the doctor, he was late, and the room was packed.

"Hey Sam! Back again?" A cheery nurse called out as she walked over to the Winchesters.

"It's a little busy today, but we have a few rocking chairs in the crib section. You only have a short day today so it shouldn't be that bad."

The Winchester men just stared at all the people as they followed the nurse, John and Deans eyes widened as they looked at all of the people, all of the families that were suffering, suddenly not feeling as alone as they once had.

Sam on the other hand just kept his eyes focused on getting to the chair and starting his chemo, he hated the hospital and the constant time spent there, and the smell of the rooms was beginning to wear on him, he just wanted to go home.

Home, now there's a word he never thought he would use before.

So he sat in the wood chair, his aching muscles not happy that he was sitting in the hard chair instead of a comfy bed. His stomach began to toss and turn as the nurse walked over with his first drug, Adriamycin, the awful red drug that made him ill just thinking about it.

He couldn't get over the fact that the drug was red, and as he watched the nurse put the red liquid into his IV his stomach tossed violently as the clear liquid slowly turned.

He watched as the red began to work its way into the line, he could feel himself start to panic as he watch the red get closer and closer to his chest, the urge to rip out his IV before the liquid had a chance to reach there was building.

Taking a deep breath Sam closed his eyes as the red approached, his fingers wringing together as the red liquid slowly dripped into his heart before being pumped through his body.

Slowly opening his eyes, he was glad to see his father and brother had taken it upon themselves to people watch, as all three Winchesters sat quietly as the room moved quickly around, while their world seemed to slow down.

**AN: wow, there it is, the chapter that just didn't want to go up, so I hope you enjoyed it. And I hope next time there won't be so much email issues, charmed you're a doll for being so patient. **

**Let me know if you're still liking it**

**Read and review!**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Here's the new chapter, I hope you like, and believe it or not, I do have the rest of the story mapped out, and I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read, and continue reading the story, It means so much to me! And to those who have reviewed thanks so much, you're my inspiration to keep going even when I'm having a hard time!! And my bad I didn't reply to reviews last chapter so sorry I hope to reply this chapter. **

**Thanks again to Charmed my wonderful beta, we seem to be in constant battle with the emails but she always figures it out for me.. THANKS**

_**Read and Review!**_

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

**ENJOY**

The shrill ring of the telephone echoed throughout the house, causing the youngest member of the family to groan loudly at the disturbance. His body suffering as it bottomed out once again, never something the young man enjoyed.

"Arrggghhh, get the phone" he wailed in desperation as he buried his face deeper into his pillow, wanting to break away from reality, and away from the pain until his joints began to settle once again.

He breathed a deep sigh of relief as the sound of his father's heavy footsteps echoed down the halls, coming to a stop before picking up the phone, Sam had never been so happy to hear his father's gruff voice answer the phone.

"John?" Pastor Jim's voice sounded on the phone, distant in the background, John recognized it immediately, the pastor was a good friend and colleague whom John had trusted for many years, and when he heard that voice on the other end he immediately flipped into hunting mode.

"Jim what is it?" he asked, knowing something was up, picking up on the nervousness that seemed to be hidden deep within Jim's quiet voice.

"John, how have you and the boys been?" the pastor asked, jumping around the reason he phoned.

"Jim, I know something is up, so take me off speaker and let me in on what's going on"

The Winchester could hear the deep sigh from Jim as he heard the phone switch from being on speaker to being regular.

"John, you know I've been tracking Demon activity for you, recording anything that comes up, and for a while it was quiet but…."

"But what?!" John urged as he heard the pastor sigh once more, it must be big news to have Jim so hesitant in telling him.

"I've been picking something up John, I don't know if it was just luck I stumbled across the pattern or if the Demon got sloppy, but its there, loud and clear."

"Jim what are you saying?" John could feel his lungs struggling to breath as he tried to process what was just said.

"John, the demon is going to strike tomorrow, and I know where"

The room went silent, John's vision narrowing as all he could hear were Jim's words repeating over and over, mixed in with the loud sound of his heart beating frantically.

"Where?" He whispered.

"About two hours from where you are, in a little town called Onaping Falls"

John scrambled for a pen and a piece of paper, "What's the address?"

Jim felt bad that he had called, feeling responsible for tearing the once again united family, but he had promised not only to John but also to the boys that if anything came up he would tell them. "One Northridge Crescent. But John, you don't have to get this one, I can get someone else…"

"Jim" John cut off the pastor, his answer to taking the hunt in his voice.

"I know, just watch yourself" Jim replied, knowing it was useless to try and argue with the stubborn Winchester as he hung the phone up, his heart heavy from putting such a burden on the young family.

John let the breath he hadn't known he was holding escape as he heard the dial tone sound on the other end, his heart pounding, his stomach falling as he thought of his boys, his heart torn between staying with is sons and killing the demon.

The soft patter of feet sounding behind the experienced hunter, "Dad?"

John turned to Sam's soft voice, his youngest leaning heavily against the wall, pain evident in his pale features.

"What did Pastor Jim want?" he asked, always inquisitive.

The oldest Winchester felt his shoulders slump at the heaviness of the simple question; this was a decision he didn't want to make.

"Sit Sam, and I'll go find your brother" he sighed as he left the room in search for Dean.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It had become a regular thing for the Winchester men, gathered around the small kitchen table, one of them always having something important to discuss, and this time it was John's turn, and he wasn't looking forward to it.

"Jim called" he finally spoke up, gathering the courage to speak to his sons about the conversation, a conversation he would rather keep quite, but knew he promised to tell his sons about anything that happened. He watched the reactions of his boys, the look of shock, concern, and anger flashing across their faces.

"Its about the demon, I left Jim with the signs that would pop up with the demon, and he came across a pattern"

"You have to go" Sam spoke up, not waiting for any other information on what was going on, there was no question as to what had to be done, "I heard you asking for the address, you know where it's going to hit, you and Dean have to go"

"WHAT? Sam NO" Dean yelled standing abruptly, the thought of leaving his brother wasn't an option, their father could leave but there was no way in hell he was going to leave.

"What Dean, you going to stay here and watch me sleep while dad faces the thing that killed our mother?" Sam retorted, standing as well, eye to eye with Dean, not backing down.

"Boys" John tried to call out, realizing the hunt was already causing extra tension in the household that didn't need to be there.

"Oh Please Sammy, don't give me this shit, there is no way in hell I'm leaving you on your own, you can hardly stand"

Dean stood facing his brother, his eyes cold, not expecting the hard shove that knocked him back as Sam's long arms came up and pushed hard. Dean's face burning from the anger that was coming up, it was the first big argument he had had with his younger brother since Sam got sick, and he wasn't happy about it, and like his brother he wasn't backing down.

Dean's arms came up and pushed back, knocking Sam back a few steps, Dean could feel the pang of guilt rush through him as he watched his brother's face wince up in pain. But the guilt quickly diminished as his bother launched himself towards him, both boys falling to the floor as they rolled across the kitchen floor.

The brothers lost in their battle, before Sam was torn away from Dean by their father who looked as equally confused, as he was angry.

"What the hell as gotten in to you two" he yelled exasperated as Dean picked himself off the floor.

"I should have never brought this up, the only reason I did was because I promised I would, but if I ever see you boys go at each other like that again I will make it my business to pull father rank on you two."

Sam and Dean both just looked down, anger still lingering in the room as John pulled out two chairs on different ends of the table, "Sit" he said glancing at his boys, "Now!" His voice holding the familiar growl he used when the boys were younger.

"Now lets talk about this like adults, no jumping to conclusions, and Sammy, I know how you feel but this will be a family decision, not a Sammy decision" he watched as Sam huffed, trying to cut back into the conversation, "No, any comments before I'm done, I'm not going" John said as Dean smiled. "Hey same goes for you, but if you make a comment you aren't going to have a choice, you'll be going on the hunt"

Deans look quickly deflated at his father's threat.

"Now, like I was saying, small town, two hours from here the demon is going to hit, Jim did a little research on his own and has narrowed down the address"

"How?" Dean asked, not liking how exact all of the information seemed to be,

"Said he stumbled on it, Demon got sloppy"

John looked at his boys as the realization of what lay in front of them started to pan out.

"These are the most accurate coordinates we have ever gotten, the best chance we have ever been given, giving us time to get out there and scope the place out before the thing even hits tomorrow night"

Sam knew what it was, "It's a chance of a lifetime, and you can't let it pass" he said calmly, his voice in an even tone as he looked from his brother to his father.

"Dad, you have to go, you have to kill the thing before it destroys another family, you can stop it, but you can't go on your own" He stated as he looked over to his older brother who continued to look to the ground.

"Sam… I can't leave you" Dean said not looking up, his whole life he had looked out for Sam, and it tore him apart to even think about leaving him when he was so sick.

"It would only be for a night, two at the most, and besides with all the protection you two have set up, along with all the things Jim had in here to begin with, there's no way anything would be getting in here." He argued back, he could feel his brother starting to give in.

"Sam's right Dean" John suddenly piped up, "He would be fine on his own for a couple of nights"

Dean rolled his eyes, he wouldn't deny that he craved the hunt, but his brother was far more important than any hunt.

Sam noticed the inner battle going through his older brother's mind, "You have to Dean, you know Dad is going, and honestly, I'm just going to sleep and you'll sit and watch me while Dad is out there, come on, you know you have to go, just for a few nights. And lets be honest, I think we could both use a break from each other for just a bit." Sam smiled at his brother who just nodded, a small smile creeping on to his own face.

"Yeah, that fight a few minutes ago, pretty intense cancer boy, and not bad" Dean laughed; genuinely proud of his brother and the strength he still had in him.

"Okay, Sam, Dad, I'm in" Even as the words left his mouth Dean felt as if the world fell hard on his shoulders, he was suddenly afraid of the change the family would be going through.

His thoughts racing a mile a minute as he went to pack an overnight bag, 'he'll be fine' he thought as he dusted off his bag, 'he has no fever, only a little joint pain, and I'll only be two hours away' he continued as Sam walked in and sat on the bed beside him.

"I'm glad your going Dean" he said as he watched his brother pack, happy not only that his brother and father were getting out of the house but also so he would be able to have time on his own for the first time since he got sick. "Just watch out for each other," he said, never admitting his fear of losing his brother and father, but it was there and something he didn't want to face.

"Don't you worry about Dad and me Sammy, you just take care of yourself, I want all your joints still in place when I get back" he laughed as John poked his head into the room.

"Ready?" he asked, almost giddy at the thought of the hunt.

It took a few seconds for the older brother to answer, still questioning his decision, "Yeah I'm ready" he said as he patted Sam on the leg, "You, anything comes up, if you even cough weird, you call us"

Sam just rolled his eyes, "Sure thing Pa" he said laughing as Dean scoffed and walked out of the room. Sam waited, listening for the click of the door lock as his brother and father left, the roar of his father's truck sounding down the street as the house went quiet, and Sam slowly fell asleep.

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS LATER

Sam had been separated from his brother and father for a solid twenty-four hours, having talked to Dean numerous times on the phone to assure him he was okay.

It was his second night on his own and after checking, and re-checking all of the amulets his father had left scattered around the house he finally crawled into bed, his nerves on edge as he thought of his brother and father sitting, and waiting, getting ready for the fight he had always wanted to be a part of.

Sam tried to stay up and wait for his family to call, or even wait until they came home, to make sure everything was okay, but his bodies fatigue won out once again as his eyes shut closed, pulling him into a deep sleep.

It wasn't until his joints once again began to throb later in the night, that he opened his eyes, groaning softly as he reached for the codeine that he had learned to put beside his bed during this time of the month.

His hands ghosted across the empty night stand, "Shit" he muttered as he realized he had forgotten his pain killers, "for Christ sakes, thought I brought it" he grumbled as he slowly pushed the covers off, walking slowly to the kitchen, cursing the whole way there.

MEANWHILE

Dean and John sat outside of the dark two story suburban house; it looked like every other house on the street, with a white picket fence to boot.

The two men sat and watched the dark house, the only lights on were the ones on the outside, lighting up the two car driveway.

"I could never live like this" Dean said as he looked around the neighborhood before focusing back on the house.

Both him and his father had done tons of research on the family, finding out everything they had to know about what they were stepping into. It was the typical American family, a young couple just starting their family, having one older child already and a newborn, six months old.

The thought of the family tore away at Dean, how happy the family seemed during the day, reminding him of how happy his family had been before the fire, how happy he wished his family would have been, the life he had always wanted, and hoped to keep for the young family.

The older brother's thoughts drifting from the young family to his own family, to the sick brother he would do anything for.

"Dean look sharp" John's voice broke through as Dean looked back towards the house, the outside lights having started blinking erratically.

"Move!" John said, jumping out of the truck, running towards the house, Dean right behind him, bursting through the front door, looking around frantically for the nursery. Dean could hear footsteps moving around upstairs, the family waking up to their entrance, but he didn't care about the footsteps coming down the stairs as he heard the loud wails of a child. His gun out he ran up the narrow stairs pushing past the father who seemed to be in shock by what was going on in his household.

His father right behind him as they ran towards the cries, bursting through the doorway of the nursery, their run coming to an abrupt halt as a dark figure stood in the room, the mother whimpering, crumpled on the floor.

Johns thoughts immediately went to the young mother, it was different, the attack was different, and he instantly put his guards up as he pushed past his son, getting himself in front, his gun drawn and pointed to the Dark figure.

"Who are you?" he demanded.

The figure turned slowly, laughing with the small infant in his arms.

"Dean lights… now!" John demanded, his eyes never leaving the figure as his son moved quick, bathing the room in artificial light. The human appearance of the figure not masking the devil that hid within.

"So nice to finally meet two of the three Winchester men" it seethed.

John's stomach began to turn, "Who are you?"

The man just smiled as he looked down at the baby, his head coming back up, his eyes as black as coal as he smiled, "Are you boys in for a surprise" he snarled as both Winchesters stared in confusion as the man continued, placing the baby back in the crib.

"Or should I say, Sammy is in for quite the surprise" he laughed as John fired his gun into the vanishing figure.

"Shit Sammy" Dean cried out as he started running back to the truck, phoning the house as he went, every ring he heard tearing him apart inside.

"Please Sammy, Answer the damn phone!"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Sam heard the phone, it started ringing as soon as he made his way into the kitchen, "Its as if someone knew I was up" he mumbled, as he fiddled with the cap on the codeine bottle, wanting nothing more than to take the pills and mask the pain. His shaking hands weak as the bottle clumsily fell to the floor.

"Shit" he muttered gathering the strength to make the effort to bend down and pick the bottle up. His actions stopped as a foreign hand reached the bottle before him, his heart hammering in his chest as he stood up, unable to keep the groan from escaping past his lips as he stood full stature, hoping to have an intimidating stance since he didn't have the strength to fight.

His gaze falling on a man, just as tall as he was, his short black hair slicked back, blending in with his black trench coat that adorned his slim figure, his piercing green eyes standing out against all the darkness.

"Hey Sammy" said the man as his eyes turned from green to a deep yellow.

**AN: Well sorry lol cliffhanger, but you know how it is, I'll try and not take too long getting the next chapter up cause I hate cliffhangers in a chapter as well. **

**Anyhoo**

_**Read and Review!**_


	17. Chapter 17

AN: SO SORRY, stupid me decided to get a second job and lets just say that wasn't such a great idea, so in another week I will be down to one job and hopefully this won't happen again. And of course had some boy problems haha, good times stupid boys. But I hope you enjoy, and I hope I don't dissapoint with this chapter.

Let me know how you liked it, if you have time of course :) and take care everyone, enjoy the long weekend :)

Disclaimer: see chapter one.

ENJOY

It had been a quiet night, the silence in the house was comforting to Sam while Dean and John were away and not watching his every move. Everything seemed to be okay, until that hand came into the young Winchester's view, erupting his world into a state of chaos as he struggled to find strength, while looking into the yellow eyes of the devil himself.

Standing up straight Sam bit back the moan of pain that threatened to escape, his eyes trained on the man standing before him. He could feel the icy cold grip of the demon crawl across his skin before he was thrown across the room against a wall ,where he had to force himself to stand, pain echoing through him, but he refused to show his weakness in front of the demon.

"What do you want? How did you get in here?" He spit out through the pain.

"Oh please Sam, you really think a few charms and pendants are going to stop me? Come on, you should know better, they don't stop you from getting in here now do they?" he smiled at the look of horror and confusion. "Oh calm down Sammy I'm just checking up on you" the man said as he walked forward his yellow eyes piercing into Sam's soul the closer he got.

"Isn't that what good parents do?"

"What are you talking about?" Sam cried out as he felt his muscles tighten up as he was pushed harder into the wall.

"Sam, you know I have plans for you, you're a smart boy you can figure it out" The demon smiled as he brought a hand up to Sam's pale shaking face. Enjoying the pain he brought to the young man as he watched Sam try to struggle away from his touch that seemed to be scorching his skin.

"You know I christened you with your mother's blood, your just as much my son as your daddy's son"

The shrill ring of the phone cascaded through the house as Sam stared the devil down, his body weak and frail but his soul strong, as he found what little strength remained hidden deep within.

"I bet that's daddy and Dean phoning, worried about their little Sammy." The devil smiled his eyes feigning sympathy, "But they shouldn't be, see Sam, I want you alive, you're no good to me dead"

Sam was breathing hard as he felt a twinge, deep in his body, "What are you talking about?"

The man laughed as the young Winchester's face continued to contort in pain.

"You'll find out Sammy, you'll find out. But until then, you, have got to keep breathing"

Sam screamed as the fire seared behind his eyes, his world becoming dark to escape the pain that seemed to hit every nerve in his body, his thoughts going to his brother and father as he fell to the floor.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

The dark trucks engine was roaring down the road, John pushing the gas as hard as he could, as his son dialed frantically, trying to reach the youngest member of the family.

"Dammit, dad, drive faster" Dean cried out in frustration, it didn't matter how quick the black truck was moving down the road, it wasn't quick enough, he needed to get to his brother, and he needed to get there now.

"Come on Sam, answer the damn phone!"

Dean's emotions were bubbling over, quickly going out of control; he felt like hitting something, hell he felt like killing something.

"Dean calm down" John said as he sensed his boy emotions getting the best of him.

" You're kidding me right? Are you not worried?" Dean exclaimed, "Sam is on his own, bottoming out, in pain, and now, now he has some demon shit terrorizing him… and you're telling me to calm down?"

"Yes I am, and that's a goddamn order Dean, you can't do anything for Sam if you're erratic, you'll just get yourself killed." John yelled back, before taking a pause, calming his own emotions down. "You don't think I'm scared as hell? That's my boy, my baby boy in trouble and there's not a thing I can do about it right now. But you can't lose control and you know that! Staying calm is the only advantage we have walking into that house."

The older brother knew that his father was right, knew that he had to calm down, but when it came to his family, when it came to Sam, calming down was much harder than just doing it. So he sat, twisting the ring on his finger, a nervous habit he had picked up. Twisting the ring stopped him from biting his nails, yet another habit that Sam broke him out of.

"Sam is fine" John tried to reassure, not sure if he was reassuring Dean, or himself, "Sam will be fine."

It felt like an eternity before the black truck squealed onto the quiet street, various lights flicking on as the truck drove by.

Dean resisted every urge to jump out and start running, even though he felt he could go faster than the vehicle, he sat tight waiting until the truck was in front of their small house before he jumped out, running to the house, oblivious to the world around him, his mind focused on Sam, not hearing his fathers cries to stop.

"Fuck being calm" he muttered as he burst through the door his gun drawn.

"Sam!?"

The older brother moved quickly through the house, his emotions clouding his better judgment, but his hunting skills still sharp as he moved quietly, listening for any sign of danger.

A soft groan resonated from the kitchen, his father now in the house and standing beside him motioned for Dean to follow him. No words were needed between father and son, after years of hunting they understood what was being said with the simplest body movement, so Dean fell in line as John stepped forward and entered the kitchen first. Both looking around for any sign of a threat and of Sam.

Seeing no sign of either, Dean could feel the frustration building, "Sam?!" he called out receiving a glare from his father. But he didn't care, he always fell in line in a hunt, but when it came to Sam, his good little soldier habits disappeared. "Sam?"

Another small groan came from the opposite side of the kitchen, Dean looked down at the kitchen table, seeing the faintest shadow of a figure. His breath caught in his throat as he moved quickly pushing chairs out of the way, clearing a path to his brother's still form.

"Sam? Sam?" Dean said as he looked his brother over, not wanting to move the fallen Winchester, not sure just how injured he was.

"Come on Sammy, wake up." He urged checking for a pulse, glad to feel the strong beat beneath his fingers.

Feeling his father crouch beside him, his breath caught up in his throat as he watched Sam's eyes begin to flutter open. "That's it Sammy, time to wake up for your big brother"

Sam on the other hand didn't understand what was going on, all he knew was he felt no pain in the darkness. The black hole that sucked him away from the life he wanted nothing to do with, the life filled with constant pain, the nausea, and vomiting that followed him everywhere he went. Everywhere but in the darkness, here he was free from it all.

It wrapped him up in an odd, comforting way, but it didn't matter how little pain he felt or how much discomfort was taken away, he was alone, so utterly alone. Waiting for his brother to come and get him.

The younger brother felt as if he was waiting for years, the thought of being alone starting to strangle him as he fought to stay calm.

His eyes roaming over the darkness once more as he looked for a way out, his eyes seeing nothing but black until he came across the smallest hint of light that flickered on the back of his hand.

"_Sam"_ he heard faintly as the light flickered more, getting bigger.

"_Come on Sammy."_

Sam squinted his eyes as the light continued to increase, taking over the darkness that once held him, being chased away by the voice in the distance, _"Wake up"_

His breath caught in his lungs as he finally recognized the voice, "Dean" he whispered as he felt his body begin to fall as the darkness lifted, the pain coming back as his body began to throb, being deprived of pain medication for so long. His mind racing back to what had happened before the darkness, and who had caused it.

His eyes snapping open, he could feel his body shaking in pain as his eyes met with Dean's.

"D-Dean."

"Hey Sammy."

"Dean, codeine… please."

The older brother could see Sam shaking, could see the pain laced through his face, but as he moved to get the pain medication his father's hand came out and stopped him.

"Hold on Dean" he said as he made his way into Sam's vision, "Sam before the pain medication I need to know if you are hurt, if you feel any pain besides your joints?"

Sam struggled to think back to his encounter with the demon, replaying the events, "No, no, not hurt" he gritted through clenched teeth.

That was good enough for Dean as he rushed over and got the codeine and a glass of water.

Slowly feeding his brother the pills and water, his mind screaming for answers, "Lets get you back to bed Sam" he said quietly nodding towards his father who helped pick the young man up off the floor. His joints stiff from the pain, making him look more like a 90-year-old man with bad arthritis rather than an athletic 23 year old.

Groaning with every step he took, Dean and John fought to keep him standing, to keep his legs from buckling.

"He was here Dean."

The older Winchester's ears perked, "Hold on Sam, you can tell us all about it once we get you into bed" John spoke up, his eyes showing his need for answers as well.

Sam relaxed under his families hold as they lowered him back into his bed where he tried to coax his stiff joints to relax as well.

"That's it Sam, just relax" Dean encouraged as he helped to loosen Sam's joints, laying his knees flat and rubbing the young Winchester's fingers, to get them to stop looking like claws. Taking a spot beside Sam on his bed as their father pulled a chair up.

"Sam what happened?" John asked softly as he took Sam's other hand, mimicking Dean's actions, his voice holding an edge of fear, and anger.

Both older men could feel Sam shaking, both holding a silent prayer that the pain medication would start working soon.

"He was here" Sam began, "The demon was in the kitchen when I got up for some codeine."

John exchanged a glance with his oldest boy, "How'd he get in? Dean you checked all of the charms, pendants and salt before we left didn't you?"

"Yeah, double checked, unless I missed something… shit Sammy."

"No no, he said those were useless, I don't know, he seemed so much stronger, more dangerous. He told me he was checking up on me, that I couldn't die" Sam squeaked, his eyes glazing over as the tears started to build, his emotions becoming too much to handle.

Both Dean and John continued to hold Sam's hands, wanting to offer more comfort, but neither one knowing the first place to start. "What else Sam?" John urged

"That's it, then I woke up with your ugly mug standing in front of me" Sam said nodding over to Dean with the smallest smile on his face.

John laughed, pride swelling up inside as he watched his young son laugh as well, even after everything Sam had had thrown at him he still managed to smile and laugh. "I have no doubt that was more than enough trauma to wake up to, come on Dean lets go into the other room so your brother can get some rest." He said as he got up, catching the look of fear and the firm grip Sam had on his brother's hand, jealous that his son had a relationship with Sam like that, remembering when it was him that Sam used to beg to stay.

"You know dad, I think I'm going to stay here for a little bit, kinda tired myself" Dean said, knowing what Sam wanted, that he was afraid to fall asleep on his own, and Dean didn't blame him. He didn't want to leave Sam on his own either, he had done that once and look what had happened.

John just nodded, not needing to question why, he could see the vulnerability hidden in the youth's eyes, so he walked out of the room.

He couldn't help the continuing jealousy at the relationship his boys had, something he had always wanted to develop with them, but the hunting always got in the way. It got in the way of many things, many things that John had to let go of. Let his boys take over for the responsibilities normal fathers had, while he kept them safe from the creatures that lurked in the dark. Things he wished he could have back, even if for just one day.

TWO HOURS LATER

John had checked and re-checked every pendant, charm and salt line he had scattered around the house. He couldn't figure out how the demon had gotten in, unless what Sam said was true, and if it were than he and his boys had some trouble on their hands.

The soft sound of a door shutting brought John back to reality as he heard the padding of feet coming down the hall, his eldest walked into the family room where John sat on the couch.

Sleep cresses covering the young man's face and arms.

"Fall asleep?" John asked, a smile on his gruff face.

"Yeah well, you know" Dean groaned as he sat down beside his father, "Figure out how the bastard got in?"

John rubbed a hand down his tired face, "No, everything is set, nothing is disturbed, it wouldn't surprise me if it got in, the thing grows stronger all the time, which just means more problems for us…. for humanity."

Dean just nodded; he didn't want to deal with the Demon, hell he didn't want to deal with anything while Sam was sick.

"You know what Sam is going to say to you."

John let out a heavy sigh, he didn't want to leave his sons, but he _had_ promised. "Yeah, I know."

"He's not the only one who wants you to go."

"Dean?"

"Dad, you know you have to, you have to kill that bitch, not only for mom, but also so he never comes near Sammy, or hurts anymore families."

John nodded, his inner struggle continued, he didn't want to leave his sons.

Dean could see the battle within John, "You know it's for the best, as much as we don't want you to leave, we know you should."

"Fuck the hunt Dean, it can wait till my boys are better."

The older brother couldn't believe his ears, "Since when Dad? One of the first things you taught us, the hunt never waits, _you_ should know that better than anyone!" Dean hissed as he stood up, his frustration evident, it was the first time the older brother had ever really argued over a decision John had made.

John wasn't sure how to react either, wasn't sure how to respond, "You two are my family, my boys, all I have left. How can you expect me to leave you two when you need me?"

"It hasn't stopped you before" Dean bit out; he watched the look of hurt and surprise flash through his father's face.

"Dad, you have to go, do what you do best, you'll feel bad about leaving but it's for a good cause. You need to start hunting again, you crave the hunt dad, and you don't need us around to cloud your judgment, we'll be fine."

John just nodded, contemplating his son's words, as Dean walked out of the room.

Tears began to well in the older brothers eyes as realization began to set in, he had just told his father to leave, done the one thing he thought he would never do. But he knew it was what Sam wanted. Even though he didn't want their father to leave, or to have that discussion with him, he knew he would rather have the argument than let Sam work himself up over a fight with their father, and he knew that even though Sam was sick, it didn't take his temper and defiance away and the argument would escalate quick between Sam and John.

"All for you Sammy" Dean whispered as he crawled back into his own bed, taking one last look at his pale brother who slept quietly in the next bed, "All for you" he whispered as he closed his eyes, letting sleep over come him.

AN: Well there it is, I hope you liked it, let me know what you think of the story so far, moving too quick, too slow? Need more Sammy time, more Dean time, more brother time? haha If you have time, and if not thanks for reading :) Take Care


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Well here it is, I hope everyone enjoys. Let me know how you like it, and end is in sight now. I hope your still enjoying it and I hope you will continue to enjoy it, if there is anything you would like to see change or anything you would like to comment on please feel free to let me know. **

**Thanks so much to everyone who has read, and a big thanks to those of you who have reviewed. I love to hear what people think. **

**A BIG HUGE THANKS to my beta charmed who always gets this back to me. Thanks a bunch sweet cheeks. **

**Disclaimer: See first chapter, I think. But I own nothing but the story, I wish I owned the Winchester brothers the things I would do. Haha**

**ENJOY**

The boys were alone once again, John had left during the night, after packing his few things from the room he had been staying in. The only thing hinting that he had even been there was the simple white envelope that lay on the kitchen table full of money. A sad smile adorned both boy's faces as they looked at the money.

"Thanks" Sam said as he looked at Dean, having overheard the conversation between his older sibling and his father.

"No problem little brother" he replied as he hid the money in a small jar in the kitchen before turning back. "Hey, if you're up to it, you wanna help out with the charms?" Dean cringed slightly, he felt as if he was talking to a six year old, and he could see the same thing written across Sam's face as well, but it quickly disappeared.

"Yeah" was the soft reply Dean received. "That's my boy" he exclaimed, a small smile tugging at his lips as he slapped a hand around Sam's back, "Lets fix this place up so we don't have anymore un-announced visitors."

Sam just smiled, ignoring the tugging feeling of what the demon had told him about the charms, how they didn't stop him from coming into the house. Slowly following his brother through the house, the boys were alone again, but both of them knew they were never truly alone.

MONTH 5 TREATMENT DAY 2

Their father had left three weeks ago, three weeks on their own and both boys had been coping, but now, as Dean sat and watched helplessly at the slow drip of the IV while Sam slept, he craved the comforting presence of their father.

A soft moan brought his attention back to his brother who tossed lightly, the chemo making even sleep an uncomfortable task. "Easy Sammy" he whispered calming his brother's movements. "Let the medicine do its job, its almost over for the day" he tried to reassure, knowing that the comforting words were more for himself then for Sam.

The older brother continued to watch his brother sleep as the nurse walked through the curtain.

"Done for the day" she announced as she set aside the syringes and materials needed to unhook Sam from the IV and remove the port. Her unfamiliar voice causing the younger brother to stir, his tired eyes looking around before falling on his brother.

"Time to go home bud" Dean said edging closer to the bed, keeping his eyes off what the nurse was doing as she pulled the needle slowly out of Sam's chest. The younger man nodded as the nurse finished up, pulling his shirt back down and helping Sam slowly sit up, bringing his feet to the floor Sam could feel his stomach toss and turn.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom first" he wheezed as he made his way to the back of the room, Dean right behind him, nodding his thanks to the nurse as they walked away.

"I'll just be in the hallway" the older brother called out, wanting to get out of the room, away from the stench of cancer.

Sam nodded as he entered the bathroom locking the door behind him, he held down the urge to vomit, swallowing hard as he felt it rise up into the back of his throat.

"You would feel better if you just let it go" a voice said from behind.

Sam's heart began to race at the familiar voice, "How would you know?" he whispered as he turned around slowly coming face to face with the old woman who stood in the corner of the small room.

"You don't have to be afraid of me Sam" she said taking a step forward, her hand outstretched towards the young Winchester. "I've known you for a long time" she said as she clasped her hand over Sam's shaking arm.

Every alarm went off in his mind as the woman's cold fingers touched his arm, but he couldn't pull himself away, mesmerized by the woman's voice.

"Just relax Sam, let me show you" she soothed as time seemed to stand still and darkness filled the small room.

The young Winchester didn't know what was happening, or if he should or shouldn't be afraid, but he didn't have time to dwell on the thought of fear as images began to bombard him.

Images of his past dreams, the dreams of his death flashing through his mind, not understanding what the woman was trying to tell him, to show him, as the images flashed through quickly, until he saw her. In every dream, at all of the deaths she was there, standing beside Dean, her own tears falling as he took his last breath in every life he had lived. Realization began to dawn on the young man, finally believing that she wasn't there to take him away, but to help him.

"Open your eyes Sam" came the soft voice once more.

He could feel his eyelids fluttering open, quickly squinting at the light of the bathroom as he tried to look at the woman.

"It stops now Sam, you will not be taken again by this disease"

Sam nodded, at a loss for words, but no longer afraid of the woman.

"Go back to your brother" she said as the door opened and Sam walked out. Leaving the woman smiling as she slowly faded away.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o00o0o0o00o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Dean stood leaning against the railing of a balcony in the hallway, looking down at the floor below. A heavy sigh from deep within escaping past his chapped lips.

"Wow, that's quite the sigh." A soft voice said from behind. Dean turned to the voice, ready with his usual smart remark, but his voice stopped short as his eyes fell over the young woman that stood behind him. Her long red hair shined in the light with her vibrant blue eyes which he swore he saw sparkle, her tall curvy figure stood with such confidence it left him in awe, but it was her smile that made him stutter over his words.

"Uh… yeah" he smiled back as she stepped up beside him.

"I'm sorry, I don't usually do this. Just don't go thinking I'm some crazy woman who just randomly talks to people for no reason" she laughed, the first time she let slip she was nervous, her face blushing slightly, "You just really looked like you needed to talk to someone."

Dean smiled, he could feel his stomach fluttering as the girl continued to stand beside him. But his smile quickly faded, "Listen…"

"Lisa"

"Lisa, no offence, but I think being alone is probably the best thing for me right now" Dean could feel his stomach go from fluttering to sinking as he finished his sentence and pushed yet another person away. He could see the look of hurt cross her face before she replaced it with a soft smile.

"Well if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always around"

Dean just nodded as she started to walk away, catching one last glance at her as she left he inwardly berated himself for even thinking about going after the red head, "Not while Sammy is sick" He said out-loud silencing his inner voices as he walked back towards the day care door just as Sam was walking out.

Sam was still in shock as he walked out and saw Dean standing there, a big smile on his face.

"Hey Sammy" he said putting an arm around his brother's shoulders.

"Lets get the hell out of here "

Both boys walked in silence, neither one telling the other of the women they had met with, both feeling that it was just better that way.

BOTTOM OUT DAY 17

It had been an uneventful two weeks, both boys back into the swing of some sort of normal routine, just in time for Sam to bottom out once more.

Dean had been ready when he heard Sam toss and turn, having not moved back to his father's room, he wanted to stay close to Sam, just in case, and the younger Winchester hadn't complained at his decision.

"Here you go Sam" he said holding the pain killers and a glass of water in front of him.

"Thanks" came the muttered reply as the younger brother took the pills and lay back down, trying to get comfortable to sleep the pain away.

He felt Dean's cool hand linger on his forehead, and he relished in the cool touch, almost whimpering when it was gone.

He could feel his body trying to drift back to sleep, but his mind always brought him back to the pain.

"Hey Sam?" Dean's voice echoed as Sam felt the cool touch of his brother once more. Opening his eyes slowly bringing his brother into focus.

"That's it Sam" Dean urged, "Just need you up for a bit, just have to check your temperature."

Sam didn't question the reasons behind his brother's need to check his temperature; he just opened his mouth, not having the strength to do anything else. Thankful when he heard the beep of the thermometer, signaling it was finished. "Thanks dad" Sam muttered as he tried to roll over. "Night mom" he continued as Dean looked at the numbers on the thermometer, not surprised at Sam's delirium.

"Okay Sammy, hate to do this to you but I need you to get up" Dean whispered as he started to turn Sam back around, taking the covers off, not surprised that they were wet from sweat.

"D-dean?" Sam replied, his eyes not focusing on anything in particular.

"We need to get you cooled down a bit there little brother" Dean said as he lifted his disoriented brother up out of bed, leading him to the bathroom, struggling to keep his lanky frame up right, wishing their father was there to help.

"W-what?"

"You've got quite the fever going on there Sammy" Dean tried to explain, not sure if it was getting through to his brother, and trying to keep his own panic at bay. He knew fevers were bad news having heard stories of patients dying from even a simple paper cut getting infected.

"No, no bath" Sam tried to struggle, wanting to just go back to his bed, but Dean held firm, his grip slipping every so often as he tried to pour the bath, he was just thankful that Sam had decided to sleep in his boxers that night.

"No choice" Dean said as he lowered his brother into the tepid water, cringing at his brother's whimpers. He hated when Sam was in pain, and hated it even more when he caused some of that pain, but he pushed the guilt away for he needed to bring down Sam's temperature and fast.

Once Sam was settled Dean quickly made his way to the phone, his fingers moving automatically as his mind drifted away, away from the fever that threatened his little brother.

His heart pounding as he heard the nurse's voice over the phone, he started talking immediately, his voice working on automatic as well, not even registering what he was saying. But it must have been the right thing because the last thing he heard before he hung up the phone was "Bring him in immediately".

So he ran to Sam, to get him to the hospital as quickly as he could, breaking every speed limit there was to get to the emergency room, only to be left behind as his brother, his Sammy, was carted off to a private room.

NEXT DAY

The brothers had spent all night in the hospital, Sam in a private room, and Dean in the waiting room. The nurses had told him he could go home, that they would call him, but he refused, he would wait to see his brother.

"Mr. Winchester?"

Dean looked up at the young doctor that had taken Sam in while his doctor, Doctor Lieberman had the night off.

"Please, call me Dean" he said, his voice still smooth and charming, even after a long night.

The doctor just smiled, "Your brother had quite the fever" she began, noticing the worry on the young man's face, "Which isn't uncommon for patients as they bottom, and from what I've read in your brother's file he has been very lucky. This is the first time he has been admitted; most patients are admitted frequently for fevers. But your brother should be fine, we are going to keep him admitted, and continue to administer antibiotics which will bring his fever down and we will wait for his neutrophils to go back up before sending him home, just so we know his white blood cells are coming back to fight off any infection."

Dean could feel the relief wash through him once he knew Sam was going to be okay, "Can I see him?"

"Yes of course, follow me" the doctor said as Dean followed her down the hall, his eyes focused straight ahead, not wanting to look at all the people who were ill, lying in bed, with their families surrounding them. Not wanting to classify his family in with it.

The doctor finally stopped outside a pale pink door, her sympathetic eyes glancing at Dean as she opened the door and gestured him in.

"Thanks" was all he could muster up as he walked in, his eyes adjusting to the dim light as he walked over to his pale brother, taking a seat by his bedside stirring Sam.

"Hey Sam" Dean smiled as Sam became coherent to the world once more.

"You really know how to keep me on my toes little brother."

Sam smiled, glad to have Dean back with him, "Well have to keep you on your toes, you're getting old."

Dean laughed, "Well, well, look at the thanks I get. I swear everybody takes advantage of me, not only of my good looks but also of my kindness, no respect."

The younger man just laughed, wincing slightly as his chest moved.

Instantly concern came over Dean who didn't miss a thing, looking down at his brother's port which was visible under a clear bandage. Wincing at how red and sore the skin looked against Sam's pale complexion.

"They missed a few times" Sam explained as Dean leaned back in his chair, bringing his attention to the small TV and away from Sam's pain, not wanting to think about how many times the nurses stuck a needle into his brother's chest.

"What are you watching?!" Dean exclaimed as he reached for the remote.

"Are you going to call dad?"

The question caught him off guard, as he continued to flip through channels before landing on the food network.

"No" was his simple reply as the brothers sat and watched how to make a cookies and cream brownie cake.

**AN: Well hope you liked it, it's a little short hopefully the next chapter will be a little longer. And don't worry there is no romance in this story, the girl does have a part in the upcoming chapter… but its up to you to guess what that is… bwahahaha. **

**Hope you enjoyed**

_**Read and review!**_


	19. Chapter 19

**AN : Here it is, I'm still not ecstatic with it, but here it is, Hopefully you like it. **

**Unfortunately no beta because I will be taking a bit of a trip within the next two weeks and will not have a computer for about 6 months, SO that being said, I am hoping to get this story done within the next two weeks, and that means no beta unless you know someone who can beta within a day, if you do PM me:) **

Hope you enjoy… Charmed1of2 thank you so much for all your work on the story up till this point, I hope everything is A okay, where you are! because I haven't heard from you in a bit.

**ENJOY**

It was the first day of the sixth month, and it was hot out. The summer months had come with a vengeance and it didn't look like they were going to calm down. Sam could feel the sweat starting to form underneath his bandana, making his head itch with discomfort as he drove back to the house from the hospital.

He had been expecting the discomfort; the first day of treatment was always, by far, the worst day of the whole chemo process. But he hadn't been expecting the overwhelming heat, he could feel his face flushing as his stomach began to turn.

Giving his head a quick shake as he held back an unexpected gag, his mouth was overcome with the after taste of chemo. Sam had never read any book stating chemo could revisit via burping, and he doubted it was the actual chemo making a reappearance. But he definitely had some unpleasant re-visitations from chemo that left an odd taste in his mouth, which he knew he would never forget.

Sam could feel, and hear his stomach tossing, it's gurgling bringing Deans attention to him as well.

"How you doing Sam?"

The young man had a hard time responding, scared to open his mouth as he just nodded his response. Something was different this time around; something was off about how he felt.

Sure he had always felt nauseous, but this, this was different. He could feel his face flushing even deeper as he continued to sweat, the flushing spread throughout his entire body as his mouth filled with saliva and he swallowed hard.

"We're almost there Sam" Dean said as if sensing his brother's sudden discomfort.

But time seemed to slow as Sam continued to swallow hard. Urging, begging, pleading with his stomach to calm down. The house finally coming into view, the car had hardly stopped before Sam was throwing the door open, rushing to the front door. Dean right behind him, stepping ahead of his brother so he could unlock the door before Sam plowed right through.

The younger brother was fighting his biggest battle since he had gotten sick, it was a battle of will between him, his stomach and the bile that was residing within it. And Sam was fighting hard as he hurried to the bathroom, not pausing for anything as he felt the slight sense of relief at seeing the porcelain toilet.

Moving as quick as he could, he continued to swallow hard, burping in-between, as he fought back his emotions, which were rising up as quickly as the bile, as he took a seat on the cool tile as he bowed his head to the porcelain god.

He could feel his meager stomach contents continue to rise as he hovered his head over the opening. Concentrating on his breathing as he continued to fight the losing battle between good and bile.

Deans presence clung to Sam as his vision swam. Finally the younger brother forced his head away from the mouth of the toilet bowl as he tried to concentrate on the floor between his knees.

Sam was sick and tired of vomiting, sick of feeling nauseous and just sick to hell of feeling like shit day in and day out. He watch the yellow vinyl begin to sway, he felt his body begin to sway with it as the bile moved up. He felt the hot sting in the back of his throat, as the tears cascaded over onto his cheeks, he didn't want to do this.

"Its okay Sammy" A calm voice said from above, almost as if the heavens had opened their doors, sending a comforting presence for him in wake of his need. Sam watched as his brothers hand dropped down and moved the dangling port out of harms way. "Its okay Sammy." He said once more, placing a hand on Sams back as the younger brother gave in to the inevitable.

NEXT DAY

It had been a bad night, for both brothers. There was no other way to describe what had gone down in the small house.

Sam had spent most of the night curled up on the bathroom floor, and Dean had spent the night curled up in the bathtub. It had been rough on Sam, who couldn't hold anything down expect water.

Anything he ate came right back up, and when there was nothing there he was stuck dry heaving until neon green bile made an appearance, and it didn't look to be slowing down any time soon.

The brothers sat in the small daycare, it was pretty open since it was still early and since Sam had his port hooked, it didn't take much for the nurses to hook up the IV.

An exhausted Sam looked up at the IV, watching intently as it continued to drip the clear drug into his system. He watched the drug move down the IV line as he felt the saliva pool in his mouth once more, prompting him to place a hand over his stomach as he moaned.

"When is it going to get better?" He pleaded to no one in particular.

"Shhh Sammy." Dean urged, looking up to the nurse who had just walked in. The older brothers eyes brimmed with unshed tears, begging her to help. But with a soft shrug of her shoulders and a simple shake of her head she was back in the main day care area, away from the struggling brothers.

Dean gave up on keeping the tears back and he cringed slightly as they began to fall. Looking back down at Sam who was tossing and turning, a hand clamped firmly over his stomach as he moaned in pain. Dean wasn't sure what to do, didn't know how to help so he held the Kay basin in front of his younger brothers face.

TWO HOURS LATER

Sam had finally calmed down, succumbing to the slumber brought on by the benedryll.

"You should go and get something to eat." The gentle voice of the nurse broke through Dean's thoughts. "While he's sleeping, you're no good to him if you get sick as well."

The older brothers mind reeled at the thought of being sick, his thoughts drifting back to how useless he had been when he had the chicken pox.

Wiping a sweaty hand down his face as his stomach growled, "Ya, okay, I'll only be a few minutes." Looking down at his brother's peaceful face, "What if he wakes up?"

"I'll stay with him." The nurse offered as she shuffled Dean out of the small space and sat in his spot.

The older brother knew he had no choice, there was no way the nurse was going to let him sit there in peace until he got something in his system. But it didn't matter, he was still torn in his decision, knowing that he had to eat something to stay healthy but not wanting to leave his brothers side.

"Go."

The simple word was all Dean needed as he turned to head out of the now crowded room. Keeping his eyes down as he looked at all of the children who were sick, struggling to cope with the effects of the drugs, just like his brother.

Dean could feel his sense of guilt begin to wallow deep within as he walked out the door and out of the sickness. He knew he could just walk away, pretend it wasn't happening, but Sam. Sam couldn't do that, no, even if he walked out of the room he was still plagued with the illness.

' _Sam can never get out!' _his mind screamed at him as he quickly walked away, pushing the thoughts from his head as he focused on the hospital food he was going to be eating.

Before he knew it he was standing in the small cafeteria, it was small, but it wasn't the worst café he had ever been in, at least this one looked somewhat presentable. The selection of food varied between soups and sandwiches, and a few other hot foods like chicken fingers and of course the trademark Turkey dinner.

"Well look who it is."

Dean's ears perked at the sound of the voice, remembering the woman he had met from before. It seemed that all of his stress was effortlessly lifted away with her gentle voice as he put on his smile and turned to her.

"Hey."

That's all the older brother needed to go from a friendly hello to sitting for lunch with the red head, his thoughts of Sam momentarily drifting away with the pretty smile and pleasant conversation. He hadn't gone out with anyone since Sam had fallen ill and he missed it.

"So are you stalking me around the hospital or is there a reason why you're always here?"

Dean smiled at the question, not sure what to say, but not wanting her to know how uncomfortable he was.

"I could ask you the same thing."

"Well… I'm here with my mother. She had a bit of an accident where she fell down some stairs and broke her hip. But she should be getting out of here soon."

The older brother just nodded, realizing that he couldn't avoid the question any longer.

"My brother…" He started with a quick shake of his head, "Has… a nasty cold. But like you, we're getting out of here soon as well." He could feel his stomach drop as the lie snuck past his lips.

"Well that's good news that you'll be able to head home soon. Do you live far from here?"

Dean couldn't believe that the girl believed it, but than again why wouldn't she?

"No, no, just down the road."

"Nice. Well maybe we'll meet again. I'm around this area as well." She smiled, winking as she got up and left.

Dean just watched her leave, mesmerized by everything about her. Giving his head a quick shake his thoughts cleared and his heart raced, "Shit, Sam!"

Dean ran down the halls back to the Daycare, not bothering with the elevator as he ran up 4 flights of stairs, taking them two at a time. Cursing himself as he ran for staying away for so long while his brother lay sick in bed.

"No more girls, nor more anyone, till Sam is better." Dean chanted as he slowed his run down to a brisk walk as he walked back into the stench of cancer, back into the daycare. Quickly making his way over to his brother who lay alone, vomit covering a bit of his shirt as he retched into a small Kay basin.

"Hey Sammy." Dean said, putting a hand on his brothers back, pissed that the nurse had left his brother, but really just angry with himself.

"Dean?" Sam gasped out in between the bouts of heaving.

"Shh, don't worry, I'm here, and I'm not leaving again."

Sam nodded as he continued to keep his head over the basin while Dean sat idly beside him.

THREE WEEKS LATER.

The brothers had made it through their first bottom out since their father had left, and it hadn't been as bad as either of them had thought it was going to be. Sam didn't have a fever, and he managed to get through the nights without waking from the joint pain. So all in all, the second half of the month had gone much better compared to the first, and Sam couldn't be more grateful.

He lay on the couch in the family room, his eyes trained to the small television, the one thing he had never really watched before he got sick. But now it was the only way he knew how to pass his days. Especially when Dean was not around, which was the case on this afternoon.

Dean had gone out to refill Sam's meds, leaving the younger brother on the couch, his joints, still sore, and what little movement Sam made, even with the assistance of his brother, left him out of breath and nauseous. So he laid on the couch, waiting for his brother to come home before he ventured out into the house.

Sam laughed at the irony; he had always strived for independence, to be free from the hunting, from the constraints of his father's regime. But now, now he was more like a child. Dependent on his brother for everything, from making sure he was eating, to helping him to the washroom. And that was the dilemma that was playing over in Sams mind.

His bladder ached from holding his urge back. Not wanting to get off the couch, to have to face the exhaustion of something so simple as going to the washroom. But the doctors orders played over in his head, he wasn't supposed to hold his urine, the chemo drugs could have damaging effects if he held his urge too long.

It was with this thought that he finally, slowly, edged his way off the couch. His legs shaky from the constant ache as he touched the floor. His mind having deciphered him into thinking that the joint pain wasn't that bad brought back to reality as he cried out in pain and fell to the floor. His right hip sore from being laid on for too long, making it hard for him to even crawl.

"Shit" he muttered as he crept forward, gasping for breath as his head swam.

He couldn't stop the whimpering that escaped as he tried to get up once more. But he just couldn't put any weight on his sore hip. Accepting defeat he continued to crawl, having to take constant breaks to gain his composure.

The younger brother couldn't have been more thankful when the bathroom door finally came within his grasp. His heart pounding as he rested against the wall, his body shaking from the strain. It was a strange feeling the young man had never felt before, his body so fatigued and weak, he shook, and he could barely see straight and his stomach tossed.

"Since when is going to the washroom so hard?" he muttered as he opened the door and crawled in.

Sam wasn't sure how he had managed it, wasn't sure how he kept himself from passing out but he did, and he was proud.

"Weird how my achievements go from honors at school to just pissing on my own." He muttered as he started to slowly work his way back, his hip finally relaxed enough to walk.

Sam could see the couch, it was within an arms reach when he heard the knock at the door, his eyes rolling, "Shit" he said turning away from the comfort of the couch, starting towards the door, the soft knock sounding again.

He approached cautiously; ever since the demon had gotten in he didn't trust anybody.

His pale fingers curled back the curtains on the window, revealing a young woman who caught his glance. He watched as her green eyes widened, not surprised to her reaction as he opened the door.

"Hi?"

The girl looked stunned standing there, mesmerized by Sam and his appearance.

"Can I help you?" he asked, hoping to break the uncomfortable stare.

The young woman continued to stare, trying hard to look somewhere else but she couldn't stop her eyes from drifting back to the pale, hairless man standing in front of her.

"Uhhh, ya, sorry, I must have the wrong place, I just thought…. Ummm, does Dean live here?" She asked hesitantly. "Just cause, I thought I saw him the other day when I was driving by, and I thought I would say hi."

Sam didn't break his look with the young woman, his suspicions starting to rise, "How do you know Dean?"

"Well we met in the hospital," She started; she could feel her face going red as she stuttered over her words. "I was there for my mother, and he was there because his brother had a nasty cold or something." She rambled, she just wanted off the front porch.

The younger brother couldn't believe what he had just heard, "A nasty cold?" he gaffed.

'No wonder the girl is terrified of me.' Sam thought as realization of the situation dawned on him, and his brother pulled up in the impala.

Sam watched as his brother's face fell as he saw the girl standing there, his lips moving, and the look of 'oh shit' clearly written across his features, as he made his way out of the car.

"Hey would you look at you two chatting it up out here." Dean said as he slowly approached the porch, Sam could see the panicked look in his older brothers eyes.

"I guess I missed the memo about the party."

"Ya Dean, guess so." Sam replied, his voice cold and emotionless as his brother approached, taking a small step beside the woman.

Sam could feel his heart racing, as his face began to heat up. The overload of the situation starting to be too much, he needed out, and quick.

"I guess you also missed the memo about my nasty cold, I'll have to send that one out again." Sam watched as Dean flinched, further cementing the fact that what the girl said was true. Dean had lied about Sam's illness.

"You know, I should probably head back inside, before my cold gets worse, or before someone else catches it." The younger brother spit out, his words leaving the foul taste of bitterness and embarrassment.

"Come on Sam…" Dean was quickly dismissed.

"It was nice meeting you, and I hope your mother gets better." The young Winchester said quietly to the young woman, knowing the situation wasn't her fault, before he turned and tried to walk as strong as he could back into the house.

"Shit" Dean muttered as he watched his brother go.

"I'm sorry, I didn't…" The girl rambled. "I should go."

Dean just nodded as he moved out of her way, focused on one thing and one thing only. He had screwed up, and he had to make things better, had to work things out. And so he pulled up his sleeves and bravely walked into the house. He could feel the strong emotions from Sam escaping the house as he opened the door. His mind flashing back to The Shining with the elevator.

"Sam?" He called cautiously moving slowly through the house, knowing where his brother had probably taken residence.

Dean saw the slight shake in Sams shoulders as he walked into the living room, his fragile body looking more and more corpse like as each day passed.

"Sam… I…"

"Save it."

"Sam." Dean could hear his voice drop an octave as he slowly switched into pleading and groveling mode.

"I get it, don't worry."

"Get what Sam? There's nothing to get, just let me explain."

"Explain what Dean? That you're ashamed of me, that you're too embarrassed to tell people what's wrong with me?"

"That's not it!"

"Than what is it Dean? What could have possibly made you tell that girl that I had a cold… is that what you tell everyone?"

The frustration in the room was building, escalating much too quick for the older brothers liking as he watched Sam stand on shaky legs and walk over to him. Their faces inches apart.

"I fucked up Sam! I don't know why I said it, it just slipped!"

The room went quiet as the two brothers just stared each other down, the pressure of the last few months escalating into this one moment. Before Dean even knew what was happening Sam had grabbed his shirt and shoved him hard. It was for that spilt second, Dean forgot that Sam was sick and pushed him back.

It wasn't a hard shove, on any normal day Sam would have caught himself and continued with the fight. But this wasn't any other normal day, Sam was trying to recover from bottoming out, Sam was weak, and Dean knew he had screwed up once again as he watched with horrified eyes as his brother stumbled back.

Dean was relieved to see Sam catch himself against the wall, the younger mans breath coming out in ragged pants as he fought to recover from the fight. Dean watched in slow motion as his brother put his head between his legs before he started to topple to the floor.

**AN: I'm so sorry about this chapter, unfortunately because of time crunches I will be writing and posting with very little Betaing, **_**UNLESS you know someone who can beta within a day, and if you are that someone PM me. **_

**Hope you enjoyed, I'm off to bed haha.**


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Well here it is, I know talk about long time right? Well I'm sorry, really, really sorry. But I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint. There is only one more chapter after this folks.. that's right one more chapter. **

**Much thanks to a little beta help from macs ace, who did a wonderful job!**

**I hope everyone enjoys and let me know what you think.**

_**Read and Review!**_

_**ENJOY**_

Red and yellow danced across Sam's vision as he stared down at the four horse pills laying in the mouth of the pill container.

His stomach gurgled in disdain at having being emptied in preparation for the pills. Although, taking the pills on an empty stomach was only half the battle, dealing with the nightmares and nausea that followed was the war that tore away at the young man.

Since his transfusion the doctors believed that the chemotherapy regime he was on was becoming too harsh for his body to handle, so they opted to modify it slightly, taking out three of the drugs and replacing them with one son of a bitch drug, Procarbazine.

A nasty drug that involved four horse pills for seven consecutive days, giving the young man nightmares that left him crying out for his brother and constant nausea.

The pills didn't stop there though, for up to three weeks after, the young Winchester had to keep a constant watch on what he consumed, the pills putting serious restrictions on what he ate and drank. Any wrong move and he would be setting himself up a tent in the washroom, never leaving the porcelain throne he had come to know so well over the last eight months.

"They're not going to jump up and land in your mouth there Sammy… just take them"

Sam just shuddered, "I think I'll pass" He sighed as he turned away from the counter, only to be stopped by familiar hands.

"If you don't take them I'll shove them down your throat"

"No you won't, you wouldn't want to risk the side effects of chemo entering your system."

"Wanna bet Sammy? I don't mind losing my hair, or any other side effect to make sure you take those pills. Besides a little chemo can't hurt."

The younger man just sighed, giving in to the fight he knew he couldn't win as he picked up the pills, quickly putting them in his mouth and swallowing, "I hate these damn pills."

"I'm sure they hate you too dude. Now just go get ready to turn in." Dean tried to hide the sympathy in his voice as he followed Sam into their room.

The boys had moved the small television from the family room into their bedroom, in hopes to save Sam from getting too sore from lying on the cramped couch for long periods of time. At least on his bed he had a little more freedom to stretch out.

"The bucket is here too." Dean said as he backed away, resisting the urge to tuck Sam in like he had when they were younger. Dean moved back and sat on his own bed, he had gotten into the habit of turning in whenever Sam did, not wanting to be far from his brother's side, especially when Sam was taking his new pills. Dean didn't like how the pills affected his brother, giving him night terrors and a constant struggle with his stomach, just yet another thing the older brother couldn't fix.

Sam lay down for the night, quickly wrapping the covers over his plumper frame. The steroids, although helping with the cancer, had successfully managed to put an extra sixty pounds of weight on his frame that hovered around his face and midsection.

Sam smiled at the comfort of having his brother by his side, knowing Dean was settling in for the night as well as the television flicked on and the history channel came on. Sam had learned many things about his brother over the past few months, things he didn't know before, like his innate interest in world war one and two, but he couldn't help but feel he was holding his brother back.

"Dean why don't you go out tonight?" Sam asked as he turned to face his brother. Enjoying the comfort, but also knowing his brother had yet to go out since this whole thing started.

"I'm good Sammy, there's a show about pilots in the second war."

"Dean, come on man, You have to get out. I'll still be here when you get back."

Dean shifted uncomfortably, he knew his brother would still be here when he got back,_ 'But how much longer will you be around Sammy?' _The thought danced around in his head daily. Sam, as much as Dean hated to admit it, had been dancing with death for far too long, and it had hit Dean much harder than he ever told his brother. Truth be told, he didn't want to go out, he didn't want to miss a moment with his brother even if it was just watching him sleep.

"Sam, I'm good." Dean lied, "I've been waiting to watch this show for awhile."

Sam didn't argue any further as he settled with the comfort of his brother beside him, feeling guilty for hoarding his brothers time. But he had realized as time went on, that the cancer not only ate away at his body it also ate away at his independent nature, leaving him longing for Dean's constant presence.

Sure he had grown and matured over the course of this experience but he had also regressed. Turning back to the dependent Sam, who longed for Dean to make things better, the Sam he never thought he would go back to.

" It's weird how life can change so quickly." Sam muttered aloud.

Dean tore his eyes away from the screen at his brother's small confession of fear. "What? This? This is a piece of cake Sam and you know it."

"What are we going to do when it's over? Hell, in twenty days it could be back to normal life."

"Don't worry about it Sam, just worry about the here and now. Like what we're going to feed your gangly ass for the next few weeks."

The younger man just huffed at the word gangly. "Right, I didn't know chipmunks could be gangly" He said as he pulled at his round cheeks.

The older brother just smiled as he looked at his puffed out brother, the steroids putting weight on everywhere but his legs. Dean hadn't known his brother could put that much weight on. "As long as I don't start seeing piles of nuts around your bed, I won't have to report you to Weekly World News. Instead of Bat Boy they could have Chipmunk boy."

"Whatever" Sam said as he threw a pillow in his brother's direction, who just laughed as he caught it and threw it back, "You throw like a girl Alvin."

Sam just laughed, trying to hide the fact that he was out of breath and shaking slightly as he turned his back to his brother and faced the wall, settling for the night. Not wanting to admit that just throwing the pillow had left him in bad shape.

Dean didn't miss it though; he could see how quickly the pills put his brother out of commission, knowing Sam felt like shit. He also saw how out of breath his brother got, and that worried Dean. He knew it would take a while for his brother to bounce back from all of this, get back into the routine, but he also knew Sam wouldn't want to wait to bounce back.

'_I'll get you back Sammy'_ he thought as he brought his eyes back to the TV, away from his restless brother that he couldn't help.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It didn't take long for Sam to open his eyes to his dream world. His heart racing as he stood waiting for the horror to bombard him. Only to be pleasantly surprised as he met eyes with the older woman he had come to see often.

"Who are you?" he asked once again as his voice echoed against the walls of the white room.

"You'll know one day Sam, just know that I was just trying to help. I've tried so many times, in many different lives, but this, this is a first for us both Samuel."

"What do you mean?"

"Sam, you and your brother have lived this life over, and over in different time periods." She said as she moved closer to the confused young man, "See Sam, you are a very important person, who can do a lot of things in this world, but you have never made it past 23 in any of your lives… except this one, and I'm so proud of you for finally beating this curse that you and your brother have lived."

The lady's words just became more and more foreign as she continued to explain what he had been through and how she had helped. "What curse?"

"In the 1400's, you, your brother and your father got into trouble with a group of gypsies. Who in turn cursed you and your brother's lives. A curse so horrible that you have never been able to break its powerful hold… until now."

"What happens to Dean?" Sam asked, knowing what his fate was, but unsure if he wanted to know what Dean had in store.

"Let me show you" She said as Sam's world began to fade, only to be replaced with the familiar environment of one of the first dreams he had had when this whole ordeal had started.

His eyes drifting towards his listless body lying on the hard bed, watching as Dean sat beside him, clutching at his limp form as Dean's animal like cries of devastation rung out through the room.

"Oh God, Dean" Sam had never heard anything like it, had never seen his brother so vulnerable. Unknowingly walking towards his brother to comfort his broken heart, "Dean…please"

But his brother heard none of it as he continued to wail, before slowly getting up and walking to the corner of the small room.

Sam's eyes widened in horror, it felt like the world had stopped turning, and yet it all happened so fast; as Dean stopped in front of the dangling rope, stepping up onto the chair before wrapping the rope around his neck.

"No!" Sam cried out as he tried to help, but soft hands held him back. "No, please…Dean" he whimpered as he watched his older brother's body struggle and then fall silent.

"See Sam, this is your brother's curse, he can't live without you by his side, so he takes his life… every time."

"There was no other way to stop it?"

"There is no way to save a body that has rotted from cancer."

Sam was still trying to grasp everything that was going on, confusion over their curse, their previous lives, "What makes this time so different?"

"Besides the obvious medical advancements? Just being with your brother."

"What?"

"In every other life Samuel you have torn yourself away from your family at a young age, venturing off on your own, like you did when you went to Stanford. But in every other life Dean never came back for you. Never came to get you, and by the time he finally did come for you, you were already at death's doorstep. This time was different because your brother came for you before the illness had taken over your life Sam. He gave you the strength you needed, because even with all the medical advancements, you still would have passed away without Dean."

Sam couldn't believe the words coming from the elderly lady, thinking back to that night when Dean came to get him, when Dean saved him from the fire, when Jess had burned on the ceiling.

"Everything happens for a reason Samuel." The woman said as she began to fade. "Everything will be fine… and congratulations." She said with a wink before everything went dark.

Three Weeks Later 

Sam sat in the small hospital room, his knees bouncing on the floor as he watched Dean pace the small room.

"What the hell is taking them so long?" Dean mumbled to no one in particular.

"Easy killer" Sam mumbled back as Dean stopped to run his hand through Sam's newly growing hair. "You know Sammy hate to admit it, but I can't wait for that giant mop of hair to grow back."

Sam laughed at his brother admission before the door to the room opened and the doctors walked in.

"So boys, today's the big day isn't it?" Dr. Leiberman said as she sat in front of an anxious Sam.

"This is it Sammy." Dean whispered as he took his spot beside Sam.

The younger man just nodded as he drew a deep breath in, _'This is it.'_

**AN: Well you like? I hope so. The next chapter is done, just need to re-read it a few times haha. It will be up soon! Thanks so much for reading!**

_**Read and Review!**_


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: Here it is! Much quicker than I'm sure everyone was expecting haha. But I got my act together, I was determined to finish this. Thanks to everyone who stuck with this. I hope everyone liked it, let me know what you think. **

**Thanks to my wonderful Beta who got this back in record timing, macs ace. You're wonderful my dear. **

**ENJOY**

The words hadn't stopped, they just kept repeating over and over again, in the Doctor's. calm and soothing voice. _"Everything looks to be clear Sam. We'll keep you on a six month check up period, and we'll get your port out in a few months"_

Everything was going to be okay, and Sam couldn't believe it. He had waited for so long to hear the word remission. He never thought it would actually apply to him, but now that it was here, it seemed so surreal.

"Holy shit, I'm in remission."

Dean just looked at his baby brother, "Yeah Sammy, its over."

"I can't believe it Dean… what the hell are we going to do now?" Sam asked with uncertainty as he climbed into the Impala. "Look at me… I can't go back to hunting like this." He continued as he pulled at the added weight on his neck.

Dean just smiled, "Don't worry about it Sammy, I'll have you back in fighting form before you know it. Now I can actually kick your ass, instead of coddle you."

Sam remained silent, he could feel his heart racing, he was starting to panic. Everything seemed so uncertain, what if he relapsed? What if he couldn't get back into shape? What if the Yellow Eyed Demon came for him before he was ready? So many what if's bombarded the youngest Winchester. After having eight months of only one focus, one thing on his mind, it was as if the thoughts were moving so fast he couldn't separate them. They just moulded together into one big ball of worry.

"Tell that mind to slow down Sammy, we take things one at a time."

Sam just nodded, not sure how his brother could read him like a book, but glad of Dean's talents.

"One at a time" He muttered back, as he continued to play with the extra skin on his neck, "One at a time…"

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

Sam's shoes pounded against the hard cement, he tried to keep good running form, _'Toe to heel, toe to heel'_ he thought as he continued to push himself harder.

It was part of the routine Dean had set him up with, a routine their father would be proud of. Running and sparring every other day, and weight training everyday. It was tough, but invigorating. It had been the thing Sam needed to calm his fears and put his mind at ease. Dean had made sure that Sam was on the right path. Made sure that he was going to be okay.

It was dusk, and the sun was just setting as Sam started the home stretch, pushing his body even harder as he spotted the house in the distance. "Almost there, almost there" he chanted as he dug deep into his reserves.

He felt like his lungs were going to explode, and his dinner was ready to make a reappearance. But as soon as his feet hit the driveway, it was like all of the pain drifted away, as the endorphins kicked in and an overwhelming sense of accomplishment washed over him.

He heard the front door open as he continued to walk around, hoping to keep the lactic acid build up at bay before having a quick stretch.

"How was the run Sam?" Dean asked, another box in his hands as he brought it over to the impala. They were finally getting out of the house, and Dean had stayed behind to make sure that the house was spotless. Not only out of respect for Jim, but also to make sure no one ever knew they had lived there for so long.

Sam took a deep breath in as he tried to catch his breath and calm his heart. "Well you know, a run is a run."

"Yeah, I hate running, go wash up a bit, plans have changed, we're on the road tonight." Dean said as he closed the back door. "I have all of your stuff, the house is empty, if you use a towel bring it with you, and try and wipe as many finger prints as you can."

Sam nodded as he walked in, it was strange walking in to the now empty house. It had been their home, the first Winchester home since they had started hunting, and he was going to miss it.

THIRTY MINUTES LATER

Sam had been quick, trying to remember to wipe any spot he may have touched before joining his brother outside. "Ready?" He asked as he strode up to the passenger side.

"I was born ready." Dean replied as he hopped in to the drivers seat and started the car. The roar of the engine like music to Sam's ears, he had never heard anything so beautiful as they started to back out of the driveway and out onto the road.

"Lets get this show on the road" Dean yelled out as he turned the music up, and started to sing along with the song. _'Its good to be back'_ Sam thought as he, much to his brother's surprise, joined in with the words, reciting the song as if he had heard it yesterday.

FIVE HOURS LATER

It was the first long car ride Sam had had in over a year. He wasn't used to being all cramped up in the car, and it was taking a toll on him physically. His joints ached as they screamed out in frustration. But he didn't dare say anything, he knew how badly Dean wanted out of the town, wanted to get back to the fight. So instead he rested his head against the cool glass window, finding a brief moment of cool reprieve before slipping into darkness.

As of late he had been sleeping well, he didn't have half as many nightmares as he used to have. But when he did have one it was always quite the doozy, even if he couldn't remember it. All he knew was he woke up with Dean by his side chasing the hurt away. Just as he had done when they were kids. Hell just as Dean had done over the course of Sam's entire life.

The younger brother could hear himself groan just as he was starting to fall asleep. He had learned that when he made an involuntary noise before sleep took him he knew a nightmare was waiting for him. It was as if his body was trying to keep him awake, knowing his mind wouldn't want to continue down its nightmare filled path.

0o0o0o0o

It started like any other dream, he was in a hotel, one of many dumps that he and Dean had stayed at. There was nothing wrong with him, he just knew that he wasn't alone, but no matter how hard he searched he couldn't find the out of place individual. Until the room went dark and he could see her pale blue eyes.

"Its you again? Checking up on me, or more bad news?"

But the pale eyes just continued to stare from the corner. Sam wasn't sure what to do, something was different, the eyes were cold, and held nothing but despair.

"Congratulations Sammy." The woman seethed as Sam saw her white teeth shine through the darkness.

"Thanks…" he said as he watched her move forward.

"You know Sammy, I'm so proud of you" She said as her voice gurgled, a maggot sneaking past her teeth and falling to the floor.

Sam tried to move, to back away but he was stuck to his spot, "What the hell?"

"You didn't honestly think I was some sort of angel did you Sammy?" The gurgle echoed as more maggots continued to fall from her mouth and now from her eyes. "Sam, I'm your worst nightmare who was told to save you!" She yelled as she moved closer.

Sam tried to thrash out at the woman who had maggots falling out of all orifices. _'I hate maggots'_ he thought as he felt them fall against his skin, _'But I hate snakes more'_ he thought with wide eyes as he watched snakes start to move from the woman's nose to her mouth. "Shit, what the fuck is going on?" he screamed as he thrashed out even harder.

"If I had it my way Sam I would have let you die, but it would have been slow and painful. But there are people out there who want you alive… you can't escape what is going to happen to you Sammy!" She screamed back as her eyes turned from pale blue to endless pools of black. "You'll never be free!"

Sam screams mixed in with the woman's wails as the maggots and snakes began to encase his body, "No…. DEAN!"

Sam's eyes snapped open as he tried to get up, to fight off the maggots and snakes, only to be held down. He continued to cry out as he fought his restraints.

"Sam…Sammy"

It was a faint calling of his name, but Sam recognized it immediately.

"Dean?" he whimpered back as strong hands circled around him.

"Sam, calm down, I've got you"

Sam felt his body begin to relax as he looked up to his brothers face. His body laying on the cold ground as Dean held him tight against his chest. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Nightmare…" Was Deans only response as he continued to hold Sam's shaking form.

"Ohhh" Sam replied as he tried to remember what he had been dreaming about. "I'm good now."

"Are you sure?" Dean asked as he helped his brother to his feet. "Can you remember what it was about?" The older brother questioned, knowing the answer, Sam never remembered.

"No… it was just a dream Dean." Sam replied, "Lets just get back on the road and get to dad."

The older brother didn't argue as he watched Sam with worry in his eyes. He knew Sam was okay physically, but now he wasn't sure if he would be able to save his brother mentally. Dean wasn't sure what was going on in his brothers head, but it was something big, and the nightmares had gotten worse. Sam's thrashing in the car had caused Dean to pull over to the side of the road and lay Sam out on the ground, in hopes that his brother wouldn't hurt himself. The hellish nature of Sam's screams sent a foreboding chill through Deans body. "Yeah, lets get to dad."

0o0o

The woman watched the brothers start to drive off, a smile on her lips as remembered the nightmare she had just been a part of.

"Sweet dreams Sammy" She said as her eyes returned to the bottomless black. Her smile quickly fading as she felt pressure behind her eyes before they started to bleed.

"I've told you to leave him be." A gruff voice said from behind. The woman didn't need to turn to know who it was. She could feel his yellow eyes burning through her. "You've done what I've asked?"

Her eyes followed the impala, "Yes"

"Good, Its finally going to come to be, I knew you'd keep him alive. But let me make myself clear here darling"

The woman turned to face the yellow eyes that held nothing but death and destruction.

"I've already marked Sam Winchester, and just because you are in on this whole adventure, don't think I won't wipe you away for good. You're not the only one who can make up bad dreams darling, and lets be honest, who is the bigger nightmare here?"

She tried to keep her cool as the pressure grew behind her eyes. "You may be powerful, but I still control you Lilith." The yellow eyed demon whispered as the woman hunched over in pain. "Leave the boy alone, or answer to me."

She could feel the pressure lift as her master vanished. She hated being controlled, and she hated that Sam Winchester was going to be her masters second in command. "I'll never answer to a human." She muttered as she followed her leaders steps and vanished into the wind.

**AN: well? Well? What do you think… was it an okay ending? Did you all like the story? It's the first long story I've ever completed. I really hope everyone liked it! Thanks to everyone who stuck with this through all the long updates all the way to the end. Let me know what you think, it would be much appreciated!**


End file.
